Finding The Light
by itslikenature
Summary: Bella knew things were changing and she would soon experience an unspeakable loss. But with loss comes searching, and in searching she finds the light as she learns what it is to really love someone, someone like Jacob.
1. Goodbye Never Hurt So Bad

Chapter One

Goodbye Never Hurt So Bad

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Here it is, my new story. But I have to warn you that we have to get through a bit of Edward to get to Jake. I have to set the story up this way, so bear with me, and I hope you will want to continue reading.

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Have you ever woken up with a feeling that something bad was going to happen? Well, there was a day like that for me. Before my feet could even touch the cold wooden floor of my bedroom, I knew, deep inside of me that my life was about to change, more than it already had.

I sat up and tried to pull my thoughts together, telling myself all the while that it was just grogginess, but my heart knew that my head was lying. The cold floorboards under my naked feet, sent shivers up my spine and aided in the eery feeling that hung over me like a storm cloud.

As I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I began to analyze my life, going through every detail of the past few months, like searching for the proverbial "needle in the haystack" and all of my suspicions pointed in one direction. _Edward._

Sure, things had been absolutely dream like since he and I had declared our feelings for each other, but for the past couple of weeks I'd had this impression from the look in his topaz eyes, that he might be leaving again.

Of course I had pushed this thought to the far reaches of my mind and spent each day reveling in my fairytale happiness that deep, deep inside of me, I knew was too good to be true. But today, even though I pressed forward, trying not to feel this impending fate, I knew it was there.

Edward had picked me up as usual for school and we had ridden in silence for the most part, other than a few words about the day's assignments. For once, how I longed for him to be able to read my mind and have him laugh at my absurd and dreadful thoughts, then tell me that I was just imagining things. But he didn't, he couldn't, for whatever reason, so I was trapped with my silent speculation and fear.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was sinking deeper into a depressed frame of mind. Edward, I think noticed, but played around it, never once asking me what was wrong. This added more fuel to my suspicions and my mood sank even lower.

The day finally ended, and I walked to the parking lot, to find Edward leaning against his silver Volvo, with his eyes cast down at the dark pavement. He looked distant, I mused, as I came closer and thought that his expression was even more proof.

He reached for the passengers' door, opening it for me, then closed it behind me once I was seated. It moved in slow motion as it sealed itself next to my seated form and the sound of it colliding with the car's frame echoed in my throbbing mind.

Edward slid in beside me and had the car in reverse in one fluid movement, never seeming to look behind him, but I knew he was well aware of his surroundings. I turned to look at his beautiful, chiseled features, just as he began to speak.

"Bella. We need to talk about a few things. Will you go for a walk with me, when we get to your house?"

"Sure Edward. What do we need to talk about?"

My heart was thumping wildly inside my chest and my stomach rolled with a wave of sickness, at the thought of what he had to say. I noticed too that he had never looked at me, not once since we climbed into the car.

By the time we reached my house, my palms were sweating and my hands trembling as I fumbled with my seat belt and then the door. I actually beat Edward out of the car, for a change, and I knew that something was wrong, very wrong.

I dropped my backpack on the front porch and walked to where Edward waited at the edge of the dark, foreboding forest. His hands were in his jacket pockets and he never reached out to touch me, or offered to hold my hand. We walked, neither of us speaking, for several hundred yards into the brush. I hadn't spoken, for fear that I would break into uncontrollable sobs of stupidity.

We came to a small hollow in our lush, green surroundings and Edward stopped at the base of a grand pine tree that stood like a sentinel in the forest. Leaning stiffly against the rough bark of its trunk, he finally looked up at me, but only for a moment, then he seemed to focus his attention on the trees behind me.

"Bella, I have been thinking, these past few days. Well actually weeks, about you, about us. I have enjoyed your company immensely and you have given me many wonderful memories that I will always cherish. No one has ever gotten as close to me as you have and for your friendship I am eternally grateful."

I noticed as he spoke the word _eternally_ there was a flicker of remorse that flashed across his face, as he tried to halfway smile through his statement. It was strange though that the partial smile looked like it was painful.

I found myself leaning against the nearest tree too, for support, as I felt my knees getting weaker with every moment that passed. Couldn't he hear the change in my heart rate? Didn't he care that my chest was heaving with a miserable aching pain that wouldn't go away, I thought?

Slowly, he continued, but never met my gaze.

"My family and I are moving. We have discussed the...well... the situation and we, no I, feel that this is best for everyone involved. You see Bella, I have certain needs and desires, that cannot be met here, in Forks. I need to go where there are others, others of our kind that understand what I am going through. And believe me Bella, this is for the best."

My mind raced and in the next few seconds I saw every quiet moment, kiss, and embrace we had shared over the many months since I had moved to Forks. Then my thoughts trailed to the nights I had spent cradled in his strong, cold arms, and I felt anger. Why would he come to me, every night and hold me while I slept, if he didn't care about me? If he didn't love me? I hadn't asked him to come. He came of his own free will. These thoughts moved at such a fast pace in my head that it resembled cold drifts of snow blowing on the bitter winter's wind.

I couldn't move, my knees were locked in place and I knew that this in itself was cause for me to faint, but I didn't care at this point. Slowly, he removed himself from the tree trunk and came to stand in front of me.

He looked into my eyes, as if waiting for me to argue with him or beg him not to leave. But I couldn't. If he needed something more, something more than I could give him, then by all means I wanted him to go. I wanted him to be happy.

"Well, I suppose this is goodbye then," he said, as he carefully reached out and took my hand in his.

This would be the last time I would feel his smooth, cool skin, against mine and it hurt. It hurt me to no end to think of the finality of his touch.

"You will be fine. I'm sure, in time, you will forget about me and move onto a more suitable relationship and find happiness. This is for the best."

I struggled, oh how I struggled for words to fill my mouth, for me to find the right thing to say to express how I felt.

"I see. I understand, I suppose. You need something that I'm not. Okay, if this is how you feel, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can fulfill your _needs_ _elsewhere_."

I said the last words with particular bitterness, because that is what was washing over me at that moment. He leaned down and kissed me cooly on the forehead and I closed my eyes.

I heard his voice trailing off in an echo as he said, "goodbye Bella. Take care of your self and don't do anything foolish."

Then, when I opened my eyes, he was gone. He had left me alone in the forest. He had left me alone, without him, and had taken my heart with him.

How could he do this to me? How could he just walk away from everything that we had shared? How could he leave me with his secret? Wasn't I the only human in this world that knew what he was, but still chose to accept him as a person, not as a monster?

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn't know him at all. Maybe I had been fooling myself all along. He was perfect, he had the world at his fingertips, so why would he need me? He could have any woman he chose. So why would he waste is time with me?

I hadn't realized that I was walking, until I ran face first into the trunk of a tree. My face ached as I bounced off the bark and it scraped the skin on my forehead. Falling backward, I landed on the cold ground and lay there, unable to get back up.

My world, the world I was so sure of, had just come crashing down on me and I was lost. I lay there, with my knees pulled up to my chin holding on for dear life, for hours. I was afraid if I let go, I would cease to exist.

Crying doesn't seem to be an accurate description of what I was doing. It was a cross between, sobbing, weeping, and screaming at the top of my lungs. This I did until I had no voice left, and the salty liquid inside of me had dried up. Then it was rain drizzling down that replaced the moisture on my face.

I remember feeling cold, but the cold that I felt inside was far worse than the cold my body faced on the outside. The shadows of the trees seemed to close in on me as I lay on the wet ground. I could actually feel the moans and sways of the branches high above me, as their voices became louder and louder.

Flashes and bits of memories played over repeatedly in my mind and I began to drift in and out of consciousness. The last time I opened my eyes, I became aware that it was now night. But, that didn't even frighten me, because I had no emotion left at that point. Nothing.

Time passed and my body became numb, but I welcomed and endured the numbness and even the pain of laying in the same position for so long, clinging to myself like I was the life raft adrift on an endless sea of despair.

I became aware of new sounds somewhere in the black, jungle like territory behind me, but I still couldn't move. If it were a wild beast and it came upon me to seize me as its prey, then so be it, I had no fight or will left.

Sniffing. The sound of sniffing. I remembered hearing what I thought was an animal, sniffing at my back. Then I felt the warm breath of the animal against my neck. But that didn't even frighten me, I just lay there.

It wasn't until I heard what sounded like footsteps that I opened my eyes. I could see a faint light moving toward me and for a moment, I wondered if I was dead and maybe I was going to a better place, but much to my dismay, this wasn't the case.

I slowly began to recognize the shape of a man, behind the glow of the lantern that he held. He was a big, broad man with dark skin and hair. But, as he came closer, the only thing that captured my attention, was his black eyes. The look of concern and disgust that he harbored there, became a curiosity to me.

"Bella? Bella Swan? Don't be frightened. I've come to help you. Are you injured? Did he hurt you?"

All of his questions came at me at once and I found them difficult to process. Who was he? Why was he looking for _me_? But most important, why was he asking me if _'he had hurt me'_? Before I could think, I was mumbling out loud and beginning to cry again. I couldn't stop.

"Yes, _he_ hurt me. _He's_ gone. _He's_ gone. _He_ hurt me."

Then I was in his arms. He was strong and warm, and I felt safe and comforted as he held me close to his chest. I wasn't sure who he was, although I thought he looked familiar, but I knew he was there to help me. I clung to him and wouldn't let go, even as we neared the sound of worried voices.

"I've found her. She doesn't appear to have any physical wounds. But....."

I heard him say, as he slowed, and the voices became louder. Then I heard my dad calling my name.

"Bella. Bells honey. Are you okay? I've got her now Sam."

But I couldn't let go of this man. He was saving me, helping me, holding me. I wouldn't let go. When he too realized that I wasn't releasing him, that I was clinging to him and crying, he told my dad that he would take me inside.

I heard him step onto the wooden front porch of our house, and the boards creaked as our weight moved across them, then the front door swung open, and I saw flickers of light as he moved into the living room.

He brought me to the couch and came down with me, as he lay me onto a blanket that someone had spread out. He sat beside me, never once releasing me. I trembled as I felt the warmth of the blanket underneath me, and the tremors only worsened as I looked around briefly and saw strange faces and eyes staring at me.

This man, Sam, looked at me with eyes that read my thoughts and I somehow knew that he understood everything. He leaned down over me, so he could whisper into my ear.

"Bella. I know things seem dark for you right now, but in time you will find light again. And this time it will be right for you."

His words sent a strange comfort over me, and I began to relax, letting my body sink further into the couch. As I slowly loosened my grip on him, he wrapped the blanket around me.

I looked back at the faces of young men I didn't know, but knew they were with Sam. There were two others, like Sam. They had dark skin, black hair, and their dark eyes held some of the same sentiment as Sam's, that of understanding, but also that of suspicion.

That was the last thing I remember from that night. As I sank into darkness, I was accompanied by my pain, my loss, and my grief. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I began to come around.

As I opened my eyes, I realized that I was in my bedroom, upstairs. I looked around at the room, dimly lit by the limited natural light peering in through my small window and everything in my room reminded me of _him._

The corner of the room where I first saw him standing, the first time I woke up to find him in my room. The rocking chair, where he would sit and watch me sleep. The extra blanket that lay on my bed to protect me from the coldness of his body, as he held me night after night.

The room became fuzzy and I felt a swell sickness churning inside of my stomach. I got to my feet as quickly as I could, and made it to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water and let it linger there, closing my eyes and pretending that it was _him_ caressing my face.

When the water had warmed to my body temperature, I opened my eyes and gazed into the mirror at a stranger. Thus was the beginning of my withdrawal into myself that would last for months.

My days and nights blended together and I just found myself moving in the motion that I knew I should move, but I wasn't really there. I went to school, because I knew I had to and I came home each afternoon, because I knew my dad expected me to. I poured myself into my school work, hoping that it would keep my mind occupied and off of other more painful thoughts. And my nights, my nights were filled with terrifying dreams and screams that would send my dad running to me each time.

I worked around my house like a robot programed for a specific task and tried to cook for Charlie, even though the thought of eating made me sick. I had to keep up certain appearances for fear that my dad might ship me off to Florida to be with my mom for a while. But, even though everything here was painful for me, the thought of leaving the only connection that I still had to _him_ was even more painful. So I pretended.

I was no longer the center of attention at school, but rather the focus of whispers and side talk. I ignored it for the most part and kept to myself. I read my next assignment during my lunch period and sat each day at the end of the table, where a few of my friends still sat, somewhat close.

One friend who didn't give up on me completely was Angela. I think she must have wanted to a few times, but her heart was too big. She tried now and then to include me in what was going on, but I just smiled a dry smile each time and said, "no thank you."

This is how it continued for weeks, no actually I guess it was months. Three months had passed and even I was getting tired of me. So, I decided to try, just try to step out of my cocoon.

It happened to be a Friday and Angela again asked if I would like to do something with her later that night. She suggested maybe going to Port Angeles to eat then go to the bookstore. I bit my lip as I hesitantly agreed, and asked if she could pick me up at my house after school.

She looked surprised and a little unsettled at my proposal, but agreed and said she would be there at four o'clock. The rest of the day passed as usual, but today, I had to admit, I was ready when the final bell rang and hurried to my truck.

I called my dad when I got home and asked if I could go with Angela. I knew he would most likely say yes, as he had been encouraging me to get out of the house for a while now. My assumption was correct and I told him we would be back early. Partly because I wasn't sure how much time I could hold it together and partly because I didn't want to put Angela through such an ordeal.


	2. Sharing Secrets

Chapter Two

Sharing Secrets

The ride to Port Angeles was long and quiet. Each time Angela would try to start a conversation she would have to repeat herself twice, before I would snap out of my thoughts and reply. I was glad she was trying to help me, but it was so hard.

When we finally arrived, she drove to a nice little restaurant near downtown, we parked and got out. The afternoon was overcast and the air was soggy. I pulled my jacket around me closer as we walked around to the front entrance and entered.

Angela had chosen a this quant little spot because they had great chips and salsa. She told me that she and her family loved to come here at least once a month for a family outing.

We were seated and given menus, as the waitress brought us each a bowl of salsa and a basket of chips. I had to admit, after not eating much over the last few months, it did taste good.

I actually managed to talk some, while we waited for our food, and it was nice being with Angela, She truly was a good friend. When we finished eating, she suggested that we walk to the bookstore, which was only two blocks away. It wasn't dark yet, so I agreed.

The sidewalk we had chosen to walk on, had a slight detour around a large hole that had been dug, it looked as though to repair a broken water pipe. As we approached the hole, which appeared to be about six feet deep, the last thing that _he_ had said to me came stealing into my thoughts like a ghost from my past.

_He_ had told me 'don't do anything foolish'. But who did _he_ think he was? I didn't have to listen to _him_. _He_ was gone and I had to deal with life everyday without _him,_ so the least I could do was go against what _he _had said. That's it. I needed to defy _him_.

So, without thinking I ran as hard as I could and jumped, over the hole in the ground, and came crashing down on the other side, landing on my knees in the soft dirt that was piled there.

Angela looked at me with wide, wondering eyes, as she ran to me and helped me up.

"What was that about Bella? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

I stood up, adjusted my jacket pulling it around me tighter, and brushed the dirt from my knees.

"No. I just needed to prove a point. That's all."

"Well. I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but that's not the sort of thing a person, well, as ill coordinated as you should try."

She almost sounded like she was scolding me, but I felt much better, knowing I had done something that _he _would not have approved of, made me feel like I was in control of my life for that brief moment.

We walked, neither of us saying a word, the remaining distance to the bookstore. Once inside, I looked around and found an area that caught my attention. I had purposely stayed away from the romance, novel, and classical literature section, and focused my attention on a small area of the store that housed books on local legends and Native American culture.

As I browsed through the books, my mind keep flashing back to Sam, the man who had found me in the forest, the night things came crashing down on me. There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

I reached for and pulled out a book, with dark brown leather binding. It appeared to be older and smelled musty as I brought it closer for inspection. It brought back the memories of another book that I had gotten months ago, at a different book store, a few days after I had walked on the beach with my friend, Jacob. That is when he had told me about the legend of the _cold ones_ and his ancestors, _the wolves._

That was the connection, Sam, reminded me of Jacob. I'm sure he was from La Push and he and the other two young men who had been at my house that night, must be Quileute like Jacob.

I found myself smiling, oddly enough, at the thought of Jacob. He and I had spent more than a few afternoons talking when our dads had gotten together to watch a game. I remembered how much I enjoyed being with him, he always made me laugh, and I felt so comfortable around him. I hadn't seen him since before that night, when Sam found me. I wondered if he knew about what had happened.

I found myself tracing the binding of the book trailing my finger over the cover, down the edges, and finally over to the pages, as I opened it up to look inside.

As I suspected, the book was old and the pages slightly yellowed, but the annotation at the front of the book compelled me to read further. I found a comfortable chair, sat down, and began skimming the book.

As I read, I was transported back to a time when legends were real and the stories told by the elders were not taken lightly. Chills ran down my spine and soon worked their way out to the rest of my skin, as I read about the story Jacob had shared with me about his people being descendants of the great wolf.

It was a beautiful story of how the people had evolved to protect each other from the threat they found so real, the _cold ones_. I thought that reading about this would make me sad, but instead I found it intriguing and wanted to learn more, about Jacob's people.

I was just about to close the book, when a verse written by an old Quileute Chief, came alive on the pages before me.

_May the stars carry your sadness away,  
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,  
May hope forever wipe away your tears,  
And, above all, may silence make you strong._

These simple words of wisdom, written so long ago were beautiful, and they touched me greatly. I was still lost in deep thought, when Angela found me and asked if I was ready to go. We paid for our books, I knew I couldn't leave the store without this one, and walked back to her car.

My spirits were somewhat uplifted and I actually tried to carry on a conversation with her as we drove back to Forks. When we reached my house I thanked Angela for the invitation and asked if we might get together again soon. She seemed glad to have helped cheer me up so she agreed.

I hurried inside and up to my room anxious to start reading my new book. I lost myself in the pages for several hours, and it wasn't until my dad came to check on me that I realized how late it was.

"Bells. Are you in there?" he asked, as he softly knocked on my bedroom door.

"Yeah dad. You can come in."

He opened the door and looked surprised that I was stretched across my bed reading, instead of curled up in my normal cocoon of depression.

"So. Did you have a good time with Angela?"

He leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest as he continued to examine my mood.

"It was good. We ate some great Mexican food, then went to the bookstore. I picked up this book about the history of the Quileute people. Dad, why haven't Billy and Jacob been over for a while?"

"Well. That's a good question. I guess Billy knew that things had been kinda rough around here, so he didn't want to intrude. But, if you think your up to company, there's a game on tomorrow. Maybe I could invite Billy and Jake over for dinner?"

"That would be nice. I think I'd like that."

"Okay then. We'll order some pizza and make an afternoon out of it. Are you sure Bells?"

"Yeah dad. I'm sure. Thanks."

I spent the rest of the night reading the book and finished it around midnight. That night I found rest instead of the usual nightmares, as a sense of peace seemed to wash over me, I wasn't sure if it was from reading the book, or somehow feeling closer to Jacob and Sam, now that I knew more about their people.

The morning came and found me feeling better than I had in days, no months. I tried to tell myself that it was due to having gone to Port Angeles with Angela, but I thought it might also be the idea of seeing Jacob, later that day.

By the time that I finished my chores and homework, I realized that it was already late afternoon. My dad had been in and out that day, working on some things around the house.

When I heard the knock on the door, I felt a wave of uncertainty spill over me, and at that moment, I thought maybe I wasn't feeling as good as I thought.

My dad opened the door and greeted his long time friend, with a handshake and a manly slap on the shoulder and I watched as Jacob walked in behind his dad. My mouth fell open as I took note of how much he had grown in the last few months. He looked down at me and smiled as I came to stand beside my dad.

"Hey Billy. How are you doing? It's been a while," I said, as I bent down and gave him a slight hug, then I turned to Jacob.

"Jacob, what happened to you? You've grown a few feet since I saw you last."

He smiled the warmest smile at me then leaned down to whisper, "don't tell my dad. He hasn't noticed yet. And you can just call me Jake, if you want?"

We laughed as my dad and Billy moved into the living room. I went to the kitchen to call in the pizza order and Jake followed.

"So, how many pizzas should I order? Um, or maybe I should rephrase that. How hungry are you?" I said, eyeing him suspiciously.

After placing the order for the pizza, Jake helped get drinks for everyone while we waited. It felt odd having someone around, but on the other hand, it felt good to have Jake here again.

Jake was leaning against the kitchen cabinet when I noticed he was watching me as I sat out paper plates and napkins for when our dinner arrived.

He smiled when I looked up at him, and I'm sure my face went white as a sheet, before filing the void with a rush of crimson.

We didn't talk much, just a few words here and there. I asked how school had been for him, and he the same for me. When the pizza arrived, dad and Billy took their fair share and went to watch the game, and I asked Jake if he would like to bring his up to my room, so we could have some peace and quiet.

The look on his face was priceless, and of course he agreed, but I just wanted to get away from the sound of the television for a while. I didn't normally make it a habit of eating in my room, but this was an exception.

I cleared a spot at my desk for Jake and I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of my room, while we ate. I should have brought an entire box up just for Jake, considering he had made his way back to the kitchen at least three times.

When we finished, Jake started looking around my room, as if trying to decipher me by the objects that he found there. He carefully looked at the pictures on the wall and paused for a few moments when he came to the picture of a lone wolf that hung just inside the door to my room.

"When I was a little girl, my dad gave me that picture and told me that the wolf would be my guardian and watch over me while I slept. I had trouble sleeping at night when I would first come to visit, after not being here for long periods of time. He thought it would help me."

"Did it? I mean, did it help?"

I chuckled sheepishly and lowered my head, not wanting to meet his gaze when I answered.

"Yeah. Yeah it did. When I moved back my dad asked me if there was anything I wanted to change in my room, but I told him no. I wanted to keep it the same as when I was little and I wanted to keep my lone guardian."

I looked up to see him smiling in amusement at my confession, but oddly enough I didn't mind telling him this and as the night wore on, I would find myself revealing more and more about myself to him.

His inspecting eyes trailed around my room until they came to the book I had been reading. He reached for it and was about to read the title, when I found myself up out of my chair and snatching it from his hand.

I went to set on my bed, setting cross legged and leaning against my headboard, as I slid my book under my pillow.

"What was that about? Did I find out one of your secrets?"

"No. I just....I just didn't want you to see what I was reading. That's all."

"Well too late. What was it 'The Memoirs of the Quileute People', he said, with his finger rubbing his chin like a scholar, with the exception of the grin that was spreading across his face a mile wide.

"It's none of your concern. Besides, I don't want you to think that I was, you know checking you out or anything."

"Oh no. I'd _never_ think that," he said, rolling his eyes and laughing.

"So what have you learned? Are we _that_ exciting?"

And with the word _that_ he wiggled his fingers in the air on either side of his head like he was discounting his heritage.

"Well, actually I did. After reading this book I think I understand a great deal about the Quileute culture and history. I'm glad I read it. You know when Sam found me in the forest that night, I felt like I knew him and the other two guys that were with him, almost like I knew you. I felt a connection."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a few minutes, then came to stretch out across the foot of my bed, propping himself up with one elbow, as if waiting to hear the greatest story of all time.

"Yeah. I've heard them talking about that night. I tried to come up here and help them search, but no one would give me a ride. I wanted to help."

He looked dismissive, as if he had failed some task. But I looked at him with wonder and amazement, that he would have gone to such lengths for me.

"Thanks Jake. That means a lot to me."

"Nah, it was nothing. Do you...do you want to talk about what happened?"

No one had ever asked me that before. Everyone had just tiptoed around the subject and tried never to bring it up.

I thought for a long while, as I pulled my knees up under my chin and wrapped my arms around them. Jake lay patiently waiting and watching, until finally I spoke up.

"There isn't much to tell, really," I said, staring down at the bed, losing myself in the memory of that day.

As I started to speak, I almost forgot he was there, patiently waiting.

"I could tell that something was wrong from the moment I got up that morning. I'd seen the warning signs, but had tried not to pay attention. Then, that afternoon he asked me to go for a walk with him in the forest, that's where he told me."

I'd tried not to relive those tragic moments over the last few months, not awake anyway, but now it seemed like a good time to talk about it and maybe air out the cobwebs of my pain. I couldn't help that a few tears trickled down my cheeks, but I was still concentrating on my bed, never looking up.

"He told me that he and his family were leaving, that he thought it was for the best, that he...." I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the huge lump that had developed in my throat that threatened to block my airway. Then I continued, "had certain needs and desires, that couldn't be met here in Forks. Which meant me. I couldn't...."

There was a long pause, as I steadied my breathing, then braved a glance up at Jake. He was watching me with kind, yet troubled black eyes. Eyes that could pierce a foe or embrace a friend with the warmth of his soul.

I looked into those eyes with deep solace and spoke again, in the faintest of whispers.

"You were right Jake. It's not like I'm telling his secret, you were the one who told me. You were right about what _he_ was."

I dared not look away from his glare and saw his expression change from that of kindness, to utter disbelief.

"Bella, you mean....he really is a _vampire?_"

He pushed himself up off the bed and leaned forward inching closer to me.

"But how can that be, those were just legends, stories, myths that I told you that day on the beach," he said, with his voice rising slightly.

I shook my head back and forth in a slow deliberate motion of "no".

"He and his entire family Jake."

"How could you....why would you...? I don't know what to say Bella."

"It just happened. I didn't move to Forks with the intention of getting mixed up with a family of vampires, much less find myself in....," I looked back down at the bed this time before continuing, "love."

We sat in silence for a good while, and I finally reached up to wipe away the tears that had continued to trail down my cheeks.

When I looked back at Jake his eyes had softened a bit, but he still held the look of disbelief and maybe even disgust. But, it was too late now, my hand had been dealt.

"Well, that just.....," he said, scratching his head and looking around. I could tell he still didn't know exactly what to say.

"So how are you now Bella. Are you okay? I mean really okay?"

"It's funny. I've been pretty much in a cocoon the past few months, until yesterday when I found this book. It made me feel better to read it and sort of pulled me out of myself a little."

I wiped the remaining tears from my face with my sleeve and reached under the pillow to pull out the book.

"Listen to this, okay?"

"_May the stars carry your sadness away, may the flowers fill your heart with beauty, may hope forever wipe away your tears, and, above all, may silence make you strong. _This was written by an old Quileute Chief. When I read these words last night they touched me in a way, I don't know how to describe it."

"Wow. Those are powerful words. I've never paid much attention to the older ones around the Rez, but I guess sometimes, they do know what they are talking about. I may have to rethink a few things. You know?"

"Yeah. You might need to listen to those who are older and wiser than you," I said, trying to bring forth a small laugh.

"So. I guess your friends will give you heck about spending the evening with a girl. Won't they?"

"No. Not when I tell them I was in...I mean on your bed....with you most of the evening," he replied, with a grin that could melt the coldest of ice bergs.

And for a moment, just a moment, I let his smile melt the remnants of my broken heart that were frozen. Then I came to my senses, found my pillow and threw it at him, as I laughed.

He caught the pillow in mid air and pretended to throw it back, but recalled it in mid air as I ducked just knowing it was going to land in my face.

By now we were both laughing and I noticed it felt good to laugh. I hadn't felt my ribs expand like that in so long.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about school, our grades, the car he was rebuilding, and whatever else seemed to come to mind. It was really nice being with Jake again and I realized how much I had been missing.

Around ten o'clock, Charlie called upstairs for Jake that Billy was ready to go home. I didn't know where the time had gone, but it didn't seem to be that late.

"So. You'll leave tonight either thinking that I'm totally crazy and a lost cause, have pity on me and still think I'm crazy, or you'll shake my hand and be glad to get out of here never to be bothered by Bella Swan again."

What had I just said? Why did I let those words stream out from between my lips?

And if my _open mouth insert foot _wasn't enough, Jake slowly stuck out his hand, extending it for me to shake. I felt the blood rush to my feet, then quickly climb right back up until it settled around my cheekbones. Well, what could I expect? After all I had spilled tonight, I'd be running too.

I stuck out my hand and placed it limply in his. His large hand encircled mine and it was so warm, then I felt the wind rush past my ears, as he pulled me into a bear hug and I could feel the laugh rumble from deep in his chest as he held me there.

"No. I don't think I'll throw you out with the bath water, just yet. Baby."

At that comment, I was glad my face was hidden, so he couldn't see how embarrassed I was. He slowly pulled back and looked down at me, lifting my chin up to face him.

"It took a lot to spill your guts to me tonight. I hope it helped talking about it. This isn't the sort of thing you can tell your friends at school, or even Charlie. But, I'll be there for you. Whenever you need to talk or hang out or.....you know. Whatever. Okay?"

I smiled shyly up at him.

"Thanks Jake."

He let me go, and opened the door. I walked with him downstairs and told Billy goodnight, then watched them as Jake wheeled his dad outside and into the night.

I felt a strange sense of relief and regret, but couldn't figure out the whys yet. So, I cleaned up the pizza boxes and paper plates, then turned out the light to the kitchen, before heading back upstairs.

"Hey kid? How did you and Jake get along tonight?"

"Oh fine dad. Thanks for inviting them over. Did you lose the bet on the game?"

"No. I won this time," he said, flashing a crisp five dollar bill in the air.

"Poor Billy. When will he ever learn?"

We laughed for a few minutes, then he gave me a quick hug, as I moved up the stairs, got my things ready, then stepped into a nice hot shower.

I stood there for the longest time, letting the steam clear my mind. The past two days had been a welcome change from the constant pain I'd been living with. I tried analyzing what had changed and found that everything pointed to Jake. He was what made me feel better and I found myself smiling as I remembered his reassuring bear hug, just before he left. I was glad I'd spent the evening with him, actually, I was hoping our next meeting wouldn't be that far away._ Maybe even tomorrow._


	3. Getting Warmer

Chapter Three

Getting Warmer

I woke up feeling more like I had the last few months. It was raining that morning, and that added to my feeling of overall depression. I tried to occupy myself with simple tasks around the house, but by noon I felt like I had to get out for a while.

I got into my truck and started driving, not sure where I was going, until I realized I was just outside of La Push. It was as that point I came to the conclusion that Jake was the reason. I longed for his company and the way he had made me feel yesterday. Things hadn't looked so bleak, while he was there, but I couldn't just pull up and tell him I needed him to make me feel better, so I had to think fast.

Luck would have it, as I pulled up in front of his small, red framed house, that my truck spit and sputtered and died. I smiled to myself and said a quiet prayer of thanks, then got out and walked toward the house.

Before I could reach the door, it was opening and Jake stepped out onto the porch. He was wearing the same reassuring smile that he had on yesterday and I was glad that I hadn't thought this through and that I was now standing just feet away from someone who seemed to understand what I was going through.

"Bella. What brings you down here?"

"Hi Jake. I...I was just....well it's my truck. I think I'm having trouble with it and hoped you could take a look for me?"

"Sure, sure. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it spit and sputtered then died."

He held out is hand and I froze for a moment, not sure what to do. I looked at his opened palm. His hand was broad, yet smooth, with no signs of calluses. I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath or even still staring at his hand, until he reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently.

"Bella. I need the keys and I'll pull it around to the garage, so we can take a look at it."

"Oh. Yeah. Here," I said, pulling the keys out of my pocket and placing them in his hand that was now waiting again.

My hand lingered there for a moment and he smiled at me, before wrapping his hand around mine, along with the keys, and pulling me with him as he strode toward the truck.

"I can't believe you've not been taking care of my baby," he said, while laughing.

He let go of my hand when we got the truck and I walked over to the passenger side, opened the door, and slid in. He climbed in under the wheel and cranked the truck. My fingers were crossed that it would make some odd noise at least enough to make him _not _question my reasons for coming here.

I got lucky, as the truck made the same sound and died. He tried again, reeved the engine and put it in gear, then drove around to the garage, behind his house.

As he pulled into the garage and killed the truck, I caught him staring at the gaping hole in the dash of my truck. It looked like he was working a math problem in his mind for a few minutes, then he turned to me.

"Did you do that? Cause I don't remember the hole, when my dad sold the truck to your dad."

"Yeah. I don't listen to music much anymore."

"Well, we're gonna have to work on that," he said, climbing out of the truck and closing the door behind him.

I wasn't sure if he meant work on the hole in my dash, or work on me not listening to music anymore. He didn't clarify, so I let it go, for now.

The rain had let up for now, but if the clouds were a sign, it would soon be raining again, so I welcomed the sight of the small, makeshift garage shelter.

I got out and he was already opening the hood. He began humming as he took his first look at the engine and I moved to find a spot, out of the way, but where I could still have a good view of what was going on.

Without looking up from the engine, Jake stopped humming and started talking.

"I was hoping I would get to see you again soon, I guess things have a way of working out. Huh?"

He looked up sideways and smiled at me again, and this time I felt my face turn red at his words. It was almost like he had been reading my thoughts.

"Um. Strange," was the only response I could come up with, and I didn't want him to see me blushing, so I moved around the truck and propped my elbows up on the side as I peered into the darkness under the hood, hoping the shadows would help hide my face.

Jake reached for some tools and started moving this and that around, humming again while he searched for the problem. I watched him as he moved, almost gracefully around the engine. He certainly knew what he was doing when it came to motors and he seemed at ease, like he felt right at home under the hood.

He suddenly looked up, caught me watching him, and I jumped, bumping my head on the hood. I stood up and rubbed the tender spot and felt my cheeks aflame again.

"Hey are you okay?" He asked, as he moved over beside me pulling my hand away, so he could feel of my head.

"No bump. Yet. I think you'll live though."

"I know I'll live. It just hurts, that's all," I said, with a huff.

After all it was his fault that I hit my head, if he hadn't caught me looking at him, it wouldn't have happened, I thought.

"So do you want to know what I think?"

What was he going to say? What could he say? I did have truck trouble, it just so happens that it was _after_ I got here. I looked at him, holding my breath.

"It's your fuel line and an air intake hose. They're both busted and need to be replaced. My guess is that they are rotted."

"Oh. Okay. I see," I said, letting out a long sigh of relief.

Jake turned and glanced at the clock on the wall of the small garage then turned back to me.

"I can do a quick repair job on them, then we can drive into Forks. I think the auto parts store stays open until five o'clock on Sunday. They shouldn't cost much and if we get them replaced now, you won't get stranded somewhere."

He was already moving back under the hood of the truck as he finished speaking. He had grabbed a roll of black tape and was steadily wrapping the hoses in need of repair.

I couldn't help notice how white and straight his teeth were, when he held the black tape in his mouth to tear it from the roll. Those teeth were one of the reasons he had such a winning smile.

He wrapped another piece of tape around the last cracked hose and said he needed to go tell his dad where we were going. I looked around the garage while he was gone and thought that he must be a very organized person. All of the tools were neatly placed on the work bench or in various tool boxes. They were all clean and ready to be used again.

He had a pile of red mechanics rags that were folded on the work bench beside the tools. I could tell that he took pride in this small garage and thought that he must be like the king in this little palace.

Jake, bound back through the door of the garage, just as I was surveying things.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Sure."

I was making my way to the driver's door, not realizing that so was he and I bumped into him. I almost fell backward when we collided, and he reached out to grab me, before I went down.

"Sorry. I guess I was thinking I would drive."

"I've got my permit. I do most of the driving for my dad. I _can_ drive, as long as you're with me," he said, winking at me.

"Okay. You can drive then."

I turned and started back toward the passenger side of the truck.

"Besides. I think it's best if I drive, in case something happens with the truck. I think the patching will hold, but I'd feel better if I was driving."

We climbed into the truck, he backed out, and turned toward Forks. As we drove, I tried not to look at him much, but stared out the window at the trees trying to figure out the types and varieties of each as we passed them. He wasn't driving very fast, so I was able to distinguish several pines, live oaks, and even one willow that was near a creek we passed over.

"I bet you're glad you have me around right now? Aren't you?" He asked, startling me not only with the sound of his voice, but the question he had asked. And I didn't know what to say so I just stared at him. He grinned a self-assured grin at me, then continued, "after all it's nice to have a friend whose a mechanic."

"Yes. Yes it is," I replied, not even realizing I had spoken.

Why was I so jumpy around Jake? Why was I reading everything he said to me the wrong way? Maybe I was certifiably nuts. I was beginning to wonder about myself.

We reached the auto part's store, got out and went inside. He knew exactly what to ask for at the counter, and the man went into the back to retrieve the hoses.

Jake leaned against the counter, crossed one leg over the other, then crossed his arms over his chest while we waited. I still couldn't believe how much he had grown since we last saw each other. We didn't have a chance to talk because the man came back quickly with the hoses we needed.

"Okay Jake, the total is $15.58," the man said.

"Oh. I forgot my checkbook. It's in the truck. I'll be right back."

I walked out of the store and to the truck, retrieved my checkbook from the glove compartment, and went back inside. When I opened the front door, I could hear Jake talking to the man behind the counter.

"Not yet anyway," he was saying.

When I got back to the counter, they were both smiling at me and I had a very uneasy feeling that they had been talking about me. I told myself I would dwell on that later, right now I just wanted to pay him and get out of there.

Jake picked up the hoses and we left, with him again climbing into the driver's seat.

"So. Do you come here often? The guy knew your name."

"Yeah. I come here quite a bit when I can't find the parts I need for the Rabbit at the junk yard over in Smithville. I guess you could say I'm a regular," he said as he turned toward me slightly and winked, then let that smile of his spread from ear to ear. I couldn't help but smile in return, his was infectious.

We had only gotten a few blocks, when it started to rain again. I could feel myself slumping in the seat already at the thought of listening to the rain while trying to sleep tonight. Something told me I wouldn't escape the nightmares tonight.

"Hey. Are you hungry or anything?" Jake asked.

"No. I'm not hungry, but I could drink something. I guess."

The next thing I knew, he was pulling into the local drive-in and parking.

"What would you like? It's my treat."

I was glancing at the menu and squinting to see the selections on the sign which hung from the pole outside the drive-in, when I felt his hand on mine.

"Move over here. I won't bite. I promise."

Then he was pulling gently on my hand to move me closer to him, so I could read the menu. He pulled me right up next to him and I could feel the heat from his leg and side against me. He was warm. I wasn't used to being next to someone who was warm, but it felt nice.

"Now. That's better. You should be able to see it from here."

He was right. I could read it much better and I found myself looking at the chocolate milkshake that was pictured on the menu. That sounded good.

"I think I'll have a chocolate milkshake," I said, looking over at him.

We were definitely close. I could see the tiny flecks of brown in his almost black eyes, and his eyebrows that were black and heavy, but not too heavy. He had the faintest hint of beard growth peaking out here and there from his otherwise smooth, dark brown face. His jaw line was strong and his cheek bones were high set, but all together his features were very nice. His hair was jet black, but looked silky, not coarse and he had it tied loosely behind his neck. It wasn't long, probably down to the top of his shoulder blades and I wondered what he would look like with it down and pushed behind his ears.

"Bella. Bella. Hey are you in there?"

I snapped too and realized I was staring right at him, when he got my attention.

"Yes."

"I think I'll have a hamburger, fries, and a milkshake. If you don't mind watching me eat," he grinned.

"No. Not at all. I'm just not very hungry."

So he leaned out the window, placed the order then moved back inside. Now that the necessity for me to see the menu was over, I thought I should move back to the other side of the truck, but it was so nice sharing his warmth.

"So. What were you just thinking about when you were staring at me?"

"Me. Was I staring? Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Busted. He had seen me. I was hoping he hadn't noticed. "I was just wondering about your hair. I guess."

"What about it?"

"I wondered what it looked like down and pushed behind your ears?"

"You want to take it down and see?"

Me. Take it down. Had he read my mind when I said it looked silky? This would be awkward, but I did want to touch it. So, I reached up and pulled the leather string that held it in place, letting it fall freely down around his shoulders. I snuck a feel of a few strands as I pulled my hand away and handed him the leather string.

With his hair down and framing his face with its black tresses, he looked even older than with it pulled back. I didn't even realize I as moving, until I saw my own hand reaching up to his face and pushing the hair behind his ear on the side closest to me.

Had I lost my mind? What was with me? I couldn't believe I was doing this, but on the other hand it seemed natural. We seemed comfortable together.

"What do you think?" I heard him say, as I focused my attention back to his eyes.

"It looks nice down. I mean you look nice. It makes you look. I don't know, older or something."

"Well. In that case, I'll have to wear it down all the time."

"Why?"

"I need to look as old as possible around you," he grinned.

I shook my head and laughed.

"You do not. You already look like you're nineteen, at least."

"Really? Do you think so?" He asked, with a almost excited tone.

"Yes really. You're two feet taller than me and broader than any of the guys I know my age. You're even bigger than Mike Newton, the quarterback at my highschool."

"Let me see," he said, stroking his chin.

"So, if I look nineteen now, how old do you think I'll look when I fix your truck? Do you think that will add any more years to my slate?"

Now I was starting to relax. I knew he was teasing, but it was fun, so I played along.

"Well. It depends on how well you fix it. I mean, I wouldn't want to have to bring it back tomorrow or anything with the same problem."

"Oh, it'll be fixed. That I can guarantee. As for you coming back over tomorrow, it wouldn't be for me to fix these hoses," he said, picking them up from the dash, "but you might want to come over for the next several days, and let me check out the rest of the truck. You know, give it a good tune up."

"Okay. So if the hoses get repaired today, I'll give you a couple of years on me. Then if you give it a tune up. Let me think. Maybe one more year. That would put you at twenty-two, considering you look nineteen now."

This must have made him happy, because he was one big smile, perfect white teeth showing and all. He was just about to comment, when the car hop brought the food. He reached out and took the bag and milkshakes, and the little blonde flashed him a smile and fluttered her eyelashes. I leaned around Jake to retrieve my milkshake and she turned as white as a sheet when she saw me.

He paid her and told her thanks, but he never seemed to notice how she was looking at him. That was strange. I scooted over to give him room to eat, so he spread the paper bag out between us and placed the fries and catchup on the bag. He began eating his hamburger and picked up a couple of fries.

"Come on. Share these with me. Please?"

Share the fries with him. It's strange how such a small thing can mean so much. That is something I'd never been able to do with _Ed...him_. So without thinking about it any further I took a fry, dipped it in catchup and held it up to Jake. He caught on and picked up one, applied catchup and held it up to mine.

"Here's to growing older," he said, as we let the fries touch.

"Cheers," I added.

I slowly put the fry to my mouth and took a bite. Uh. He'd already touched on three things that were issues before with _him_ and he didn't even know it. First there was the warmth I felt from being next to him, eating with him, and growing older. Three things that _he _either couldn't offer, or couldn't partake in. It was like Jake was the complete opposite.

We finished eating and Jake jumped out to put the trash in the trash can on the curb. As he closed the door to the truck, a gust of cool moist air filled the cab, and I realized that drinking the milkshake had made me cold. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to get warm, but it was no use. I was shivering by the time he started to back out of the drive-in.

"Bella. You're freezing."

And with that, he reached over, took one of my hands away from my arms and started gently pulling back in his direction.

"Move over here. I'll get you warm. After all, what are friends for?"

I scooted right back up beside him, just like before, and instantly felt the warmth from his body warming me. He loosely draped his arm around my shoulder and I couldn't help but move a little closer until the shivering stopped.

We rode like that, all the way back to La Push. He seemed perfectly happy to have his arm around me and I was perfectly happy to be warm.


	4. He Made Me Hear Music Again

Chapter Four

He Made Me Hear Music Again

He pulled the truck back up into the garage and got out, then reached for me and I slid under the wheel and out the driver's door. He continued to hold my hand and looked down at me.

"Are you okay? Do I need to get one of my jackets?"

"No. No. I'll be fine. It was just the milkshake. I think. I'm fine. Thanks."

He grabbed the hoses from the dashboard and opened the hood. I found a chair beside the truck and sat down to watch him while he worked. He pulled the leather string from his pocket and wrapped it around his hair, again tying it back behind his neck. That made sense. He needed it out of his way when he worked on cars. But I still thought he looked better with it down.

He was humming again while he worked, then I noticed he was quietly singing words I couldn't understand. The melody was sweet and his voice was so soft it was hard to hear him. I listened and closed my eyes, trying to make out the words, but it was impossible. They were simply foreign to me.

Between the sound of his song, the occasional tinkering sound of the wrench on the metal in the truck's motor, and the steady drip of the rain outside, I found myself almost being lulled to sleep. Imagine that, felling so comfortable and peaceful here in this strange place that I could actually fall asleep.

And I might have, fallen asleep, if it wasn't for the sound of unfamiliar voices, jarring me from my comfortable moment.

"Jake, buddy? What's happening?" A young man with a muscular build asked.

He was clearly Quileute, like Jake, and so was the other, smaller young man that was with him. Then they saw me, curled up in the chair beside the truck and both started grinning.

"Oh. Excuse us. We didn't know you had _company_," the muscularly built young man said, in a mocking tone of voice.

Jake looked up from under the hood, wiped his hands on the red rag laying on the frame of the truck, and started grinning.

"Hey guys. Come on in. It's just me and Bella. Guys this is my friend, Bella Swan," he motioned to me.

I got up and went over to stand beside Jake.

"Bella, this is Quil Artera and Embry Call. I guess you can call them my _friends_," he said, slinging the rag in their direction.

I shook each of their hands, and said it was nice to meet them. They both just kept ginning at me, then at Jake, then back at me. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. I think Jake could see this, so he put them to work, helping him with the truck.

I went back to the chair, moving it to the corner and watched as they all worked under the hood. Quil, was broader in his shoulders than Embry and I could tell by his stance and mannerisms that he was fairly sure of himself. Embry, on the other hand, seemed to be more reserved and quiet. They were both nice looking, and their jet black hair was almost down to their shoulders, not quite as long as Jake's.

They all worked well together. Something told me that the three of them had spent many hours together in this garage working on vehicles and they were serious about it too. It was like they were all surgeons operating to save a life.

"There. I think it's finished Bella," Jake said, as he stood up and turned to face me.

Smiling he walked over to where I was sitting and held out his hand. He pulled me gently from my chair, then lead me to the workshop light that hung over the top of his workbench. I hadn't realized that he held one of the old hoses in the other hand, until he plopped it down on the wooden surface of the work bench.

He leaned down, under the beam of bright light, turned his head slightly to look back at me, still standing out away from the bench, and said in a low husky voice, "well, don't just stand there, I want to show you something."

I glanced over my shoulder at Quil and Embry, who were eyeing us both with fascination and some awkward grins, felt myself getting red in the face, then leaned down under the light with Jake.

He was taking the black tape off of the hose, where he had repaired it earlier. Once he had it removed, he bent the hose over, to reveal the cracks in the hose.

"See. Here was the problem. I'm glad you came to me for help."

Looking up from the hose, still bent over the workbench, I realized how close we were. He turned to look at me, just as I was forming my response.

"Yeah. Me too."

This time, I couldn't help but smile in response, even if it was for a slightly different reason than he thought.

Our eye contact and smiles were disrupted, by the sound of a tool being dropped on the concrete floor of the small garage. We both looked up to see Quil and Embry pretend to look the other way, and act like they weren't watching us.

I could feel the tension in the air, so I decided it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to, but I knew I couldn't overstay my welcome.

"Well. I guess I had better be getting back home. Is it safe to drive now?"

"You have the nerve to question the work of Jacob Black, owner of this fine establishment, if his work is adequate enough to get you home? I feel insulted," he said, grinning wildly.

"Oh. By all means, _excuse me _Mr. Black. I never meant to insinuate that your work was anything less than adequate. I'll take that as a _yes_ that you have made me safe to travel once again?"

"Yes my lady, your carriage awaits," he said, bowing and gesturing his hand toward my old Chevy.

The other two occupants of the garage were almost rolling on the floor by now, so I nodded as I walked past them, told them again that it was nice to meet them, and got into my truck.

I carefully backed out, put it in gear, and began pulling away, when I realized that I hadn't thanked Jake for the milkshake and for fixing my truck. Nor had I offered to pay him for his time. I put the truck back in park, jumped out and ran back to the garage.

As I approached the door of the garage, I head a few words, but I was running so it was difficult to make if all out. The first thing I heard was "cute," then "maybe," and finally "not yet." I knew that they were no doubt talking about me, but I had to thank Jake.

"Jake," I gasped, huffing for air.

"Hey, back so soon? What's wrong?"

Jake came over to me with a seriously concerned look on his face.

"Can I talk to you for just a minute outside?" I asked, peeking around him to look at his _friends._

They were watching every move we made, so I definitely didn't want to talk in front of them. Jake followed as I walked back outside and over to my truck.

"Sorry. I just forgot to say thanks for fixing my truck and for the milkshake and fries. Jake, can I pay you for helping me?"

Without seeming to think about what he was doing, he reached out and took one of my hands in his and patted it slightly.

"Bella. No, you can't pay me. It was my pleasure to help you. Besides, you got to see me in action. So you're welcome."

We smiled at each other and he slowly lowered my hand until it dropped back to my side.

"I also forgot to ask what time my appointment was for the rest of my tune up tomorrow."

"Good. You didn't forget. Can you come down after school? It might take me a few hours to give it a good going over."

"Okay. I'm sure Charlie won't mind. He'd probably like to see me out of the house."

As soon as I had said those words, I felt my expression fall. I realized that I hadn't been out of the house for several months, except to go to school and the grocery store. Jake picked up on my mood change too.

"Hey. It'll be okay. If you don't want to come down tomorrow, we can check it another time."

"No. No. It's not that I don't want.... I do....I need....my truck.... it's important. I need to come back tomorrow."

"Well it's settled then. I'll see you tomorrow after school. And don't worry. We'll have the garage to ourselves," he said, tossing a glace toward the doorway.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. Thanks."

I climbed back into the truck and slowly pulled out onto the road. I watched him in the rear view mirror, watching me, until I could no longer see his form.

Mindlessly driving back home, I heard a strange sound filling the cab of my truck. It took me a few minutes to realize that the sound was me, humming the same song that Jake had been quietly singing while he worked on my truck.

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of him rubbing off on me. Maybe music wasn't that bad after all. I might have to at least learn that song.

Charlie wasn't home when I got back, so I went in and started dinner. I put a pot of stew on to cook, while I went upstairs and pulled out the new book I had gotten.

I lay across my bed and thumbed through the pages reading several of the passages again. It was strange how comforting it was to read this book and how it made me feel closer to Jake.

Later that night, Charlie and I ate our dinner without talking much, until he asked where I had gone today.

"How did you know I had left?"

"I saw you had moved the truck," he replied between bites.

"I went for a drive, and wound up in La Push. Something was wrong with my truck and just so happens Jake was home and he fixed if for me. It had two cracked hoses."

"Well that was nice of him," he said, while grinning.

"Is it okay if I go back down there tomorrow after school? He said he needs to give the truck a tune up."

"Sure. That's great. I know if anyone can do a decent job on an engine, it would be Jacob Black. Besides. I can't have my only daughter driving around in a truck that's not mechanically sound."

"Thanks. Do you want some more stew?"

He ate another bowl, while I started cleaning up the kitchen. Afterwards, I took a shower and got ready for bed.

When I climbed into bed, sinking down deep under my covers, I thought back on the day and remembered how warm Jake had made me feel. I was smiling as I remembered how soft his hair felt and how his actions worked right along with my thoughts. It was almost like we were fitting together like to pieces if fabric cut from the same material, just at opposite ends.

I liked that thought, being so similar with Jake and thinking and feeling things, only to have him complete them for me. What was he up too, I wondered? But it didn't matter, I liked the way he was making me feel and I wanted to get to know him even more.

My eyes became heavy, and I slipped into a peaceful dream world, where Jake and I were running along the beach chasing each other and laughing, then falling down upon the sand into pastel colors of clouds.

The next morning, I was up and out the door, almost before Charlie. We had both had a bowl of cereal, and I kissed his cheek, before I left, reminding him that I was going to see Jake after school. He just grinned and said, he remembered, and told me to tell Jake hello for him.

I went about my day, not really focusing on much, just watching the clock, hoping the day would be over soon, so I could be on my way to Jake's. So as soon as the last bell rang, I found myself walking, all too quickly to my truck and heading to La Push. I was ready to be with Jake again.

I pulled up in front of the small garage, and before I could close my door, he was there. He grabbed me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Bella. You came back. I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?"

I was finding it difficult to breathe, let alone respond, so I just stood there. He had my arms pinned under his, but my hands were free, and strangely enough, I found them wrapped around his waist.

He held me like that until he realized I was gasping, then he let me go slowly, but placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arms length so he could see my face.

I coughed out that my day had been just another Monday, and after I found my breath again, I asked, "why did you say that? Didn't you know I would come back?"

"Yeah. I was hoping you would, but you know how things sometimes get in the way....well...I'm just glad to see you."

He smiled at me with the warmest, most sincere smile, then dropped his arms to his sides.

"Well. Are you ready, do get started on the truck?"

"Sure."

"Okay, you pull it into the garage, and I'll get my tools ready."

So, I pulled the truck into the tiny opening and climbed out. Jake was busy gathering tools, and came to join me near the front of the truck.

"There won't be a whole lot I can do, until it starts to cool down, so right now I'm just going to check the fluid levels, and air filter."

I really had no idea what he was talking about, so I politely nodded, watched him open the hood, then propped my arms up on the side of the truck like I had yesterday.

I watched as he carefully worked around in the hot engine, checking the brake fluid, oil, wind shield washer fluid, but when he got to the radiator, he said it was still too hot to check.

"How was school for you today?" I asked, as he wiped a dipstick on a clean, red rag.

"Oh, you know. I guess about the same as for you."

He smiled and winked at me, then reinserted the dipstick into the appropriate spot. When he had done all he could, until the motor cooled, he walked over to a large red tool box on rollers, and slid open one of its drawers. I watched as he pulled out an old, wrinkled paper bag from which he removed two cans of soda.

"Bella, are you thirsty? I know they're not cold, but I don't mind so much," he said, holding a can out to me.

The gesture was so sweet that I felt a tug on the fragments of my damaged heart. I walked over and took it from his hand, then he motioned for me to have a seat in the old desk chair, where I had sat yesterday. I noticed he had brought out another chair and placed it beside the first.

We sat down, opened our sodas, then he looked over at me with a sincere expression. He leaned back in his chair touching it to the wall.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"No. I don't mind."

I took a drink of the warm soda and focused my attention on his face.

"Why did you take the radio out? The real reason?"

I was stunned, and immediately felt a pain stab me in the chest, as I almost chocked on my soda. I coughed for a minute, and took a deep breath, dropping my gaze from his. Why had I said I didn't mind him asking? Now I felt compelled to answer.

"I used to listen to music when I was happy. Now every song reminds me of _him _and some hurt."

I didn't look up and I was struggling to keep tears from forming. I could hear him sipping his soda and the sound of the can as he brought it down and rested it against his chair.

"Bella, life doesn't have to stop," he said, in a very low, dry voice.

"It does when....," I paused, closed my eyes, and knew I had lost the battle to hold the tears back, as I felt them stream hot and moist down my cheeks, "when you lose someone you love."

I jumped at the sound, as the legs of Jake's chair suddenly cracked against the concrete floor. Looking up, I saw him looking down at his soda can as he crushed it in his hand. Now, he was the one not keeping eye contact with me.

"How can you say that? How did you...how could you....why would you _love_ him? Not only did you leave you and hurt you, he's not even human, he's one of the cold ones, he's the freaking undead," he said, slamming the soda can onto the work bench as he got to his feet and came to stand in front of me.

He had pushed his anger aside by the time he knelt down before me, and put his hand to my cheek. He carefully wiped the tears away, and looked deep into my eyes.

When I recovered from how he had reacted, I saw the look of care and concern in his dark eyes, but it still didn't stop the hurt I was feeling inside.

"I can't explain it, but I did, and I guess a part of me still does," I admitted, feeling somewhat abashed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm just trying to understand."

And from the look in his eyes, I knew this was true, but I didn't know what to say, because I didn't even understand it myself.

"Come here," he said, taking me by the hand and pulling me out of my chair.

I followed close behind him, as he led me to my truck, he opened the door, and I climbed inside. He turned to go back to the workbench, picked up something wrapped in one of his red mechanic's rags, and came back to the truck, sliding in beside me.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but I don't want you to live your life missing out of things. Whether you know it or like it, your life is continuing, without him. I know it seems bad right now, but it will get better, in time, if you'll let it."

Then he turned to me with a pleading look, and pulled the red rag away.

"I had this one just lying around, so I want you to let me put it in your truck. After all, I don't want my baby going around with a gaping hole in her."

Then he gave me that smile, the one that seemed to make things better. How could I say no? He really wanted to do this for me.

"Okay. But it doesn't mean I have to listen to it."

I smiled at him, as he began pulling at the wires on the radio. Then he got out of the truck and did something under the hood, before sliding back into the cab and pulling wires out of the dash.

"What did you do?"

"I had to disconnect the battery cables. You wouldn't want me to get shocked. Would you?"

"No. No of course not."

I'd never thought of that. I didn't disconnect the battery when I pulled the other one out. Well, what he doesn't know, wont hurt me in the long run.

"Here. You hold these until I tell you to hand them to me."

I took the wires from inside the dash and held them out to give him room to work. The small copper wires stuck out in all directions, but he was soon asking me to hand them to him, and began attaching the ones on the radio to the ones from the dash with small plastic yellow caps.

Within minutes it seemed, he had the radio inserted in the dash and put a new face plate around the opening. I had to admit. It did look much better than just the empty hole.

He got out and reattached the battery cables, then got back in again. He turned on the key, then turned the knob on the radio. He found a station that was playing classic rock, and turned it down low. I saw him glancing at my hand, resting in the seat, then he grabbed it and pulled it toward him for closer inspection.

"Bella. You're bleeding."

I hadn't felt anything, but I guessed that one of the copper wires had poked me in the finger. I must have looked pale, because he was out of the truck in a flash and returning with a small first aid kit.

"I'm fine. I didn't even feel it," I said, trying to convince us both that I was okay.

He took my hand in his, cleaned the blood away, and placed a small bandage on my finger. After the blood was no longer in sight, I became aware that there was music playing from the radio. As the words of the song played, Jake pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed my bandaged finger.

I felt something, different as we listened and he continued to hold my hand, but I just attributed it to not having listened to music in a while. The words were ringing in my ears over and over, by the time the singer got to the chorus and Jake was just staring at me smiling.

Someday lady you'll acomp'ny me,  
Out where rivers meet the soundin sea,  
Your high above now you're wild and free,  
Oh but someday lady you'll accomp'ny me,  
Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me yeah.

I listened and was even beginning to relax, until the singer got to the next verse, and I saw a different light began to shine in Jake's eyes, then I started to feel uncomfortable, and I'll have to admit, a little scared.

I'll take the chances babe I'll risk it all,

I'll win your love or I'll take the fall,

I've made my mind up girl that it's meant to be,

Someday lady you'll accomp'ny me.

Either the song was a complete freaky coincidence, or Jake had a deal with the radio station. What were the odds that this song would play at exactly that moment? What were the odds? Don't tell me that this is some sort of sign or something, I thought. I can't even begin to think like this. I know where it got me the first time. But maybe things were different this time.

After the song finished an advertisement came on, so I thought it was a good time to change the subject.

"Now it's my turn. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. What's on your mind?" He asked, trying to rein in the smile that was still lingering on his lovely face.

"Yesterday when you were working on the truck, you were humming, then started singing a song, in a different language. What was that?"

He looked down at my hand that he was still holding and seemed to be embarrassed, then he focused thoughtfully on the steering wheel in front of him.

"That is a song I learned when I was little. My mom taught it to me. She and I would sing it when we were alone. I find myself singing it, or humming the tune a lot when I'm concentrating on something."

"So what is the song called?"

Without thinking it seemed, he shifted and placed one arm around my shoulders and then held my hand with his free hand, letting our hands rest on his lower thigh. I didn't want to pull away, seeing how he was talking about something so personal at the moment, so I just sat still and waited.

"I couldn't sing that song for a long time after she died, it hurt too much. But, after a while, I found that it was nice to remember, that way I could always keep her memory close to me. The song is called _The Blessing Of Love._"

I was so touched by what he was sharing, that I couldn't help myself, as I reached out with my other hand and took his hand in both of mine, and began to softly caress it. I had known that his mom had been killed in a car accident when he was a little boy that is also how his dad, Billy had wound up in a wheelchair. I remembered my dad telling me about it, when he had called me that summer, because I hadn't come to visit him that year.

Then he continued, "it translates something like _if you find love, hold onto for it, for it is special and sacred. That you have been favored, because some never find it. _Something like that._"_

He was silent then for a while, like he was in deep thought, then he looked down at my hands wrapped around his and squeezed them gently, before turning his gaze to meet mine. We smiled at each other and I felt at that moment we had this connection with each other, one of understanding and tenderness that I knew would grow to be special, but was I ready for that.

We sat in the truck and talked for over an hour. It didn't matter what we talked about. It just felt good to be with Jake, nothing to hide, just the two of us, together being friends. Yeah, just being _friends_.

"Well, I better get under the hood and see if the engine has cooled down," Jake finally said, however I noticed he was lingering.

He finally climbed out of the cab and I followed. He began checking various things under the hood then walked over to his work bench and it looked as though he was writing something down. He came back to where I was standing and handed me the folded slip of paper.

"Can you stop by the auto parts store tomorrow on your way down? I need a few things so I can finish the tune up."

"Sure. I guess the man at the store will know what you need?"

"Yeah. I've given him the specifics. He'll know," he said, giving me a quick wink, before going back to work on the truck. He used various wrenches to tighten things here and there, he checked the various belts, the fluid level of the radiator, and the air filter. Then he lay down on his back, holding the front bumper, and slid himself underneath the truck.

I stood there, leaning against the truck for a while, watching his legs move occasionally almost in tune with whatever noise he made underneath the truck.

"Jake, how long have you been working on motors and stuff?"

"Oh, as long as I can remember. Me, Quil, and Embry usually spend our summers working on everyone's vehicles down here on the rez. It helps them out and we enjoy the work."

"You seem very good at what you do."

With that comment, he slid out from under the truck, peered up at me with the purest, darkest eyes, grinned and replied, "why thank you very much."

He held out his hand and I helped pull him up. Actually, it was more like he almost pulled me down. As he pulled is hand away, he noticed he had gotten a grease spot on my palm, so he took the red mechanic's rag from his back pocket and gently rubbed it away.

"Well, I guess that's about all I can do today. I'll need the things on the list to finish the tune up."

"Okay then. I probably need to get home. I have homework to do," I said, sliding my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, looking down at the floor, and twisting from side to side.

Why was I doing that? I suppose it was because I really didn't want to go home, but I knew it was getting late, but before I could say anything else, Jake was the one who spoke up.

"You can't leave yet. My dad said he wanted to see you when you came down today. Can't you stay and visit for just a little longer?"

"Okay, I guess I can stay just a bit longer."

I pulled my hands out of my pockets and before I knew it Jake had me by the hand and we were running toward his house. We were laughing by the time reached the front porch and even as he opened the front door.


	5. His Taj Mahal, My Haven

Chapter Five

His Taj Mahal, My Haven

Billy was sitting in the small livingroom, watching television and seemed surprised as we burst into the house and filled it with laughter. Then he looked at us both and a smile spread across his face.

"Bella. Come on in here. How are you doing? Jake get Bella something to drink, and me to while you're at it. Please?"

"Sure, sure. Jake's at your service," he replied, sarcastically.

Billy and I just snickered and watched as he stormed out of the living room. Billy motioned for me to sit down, so I crossed the room and sat down near him on their small sofa.

"How's Charlie doing Bella? We really enjoyed coming over the other day. Even if I did lose a bank roll to him," he said, laughing.

"He's fine. Thanks."

"So, is Jake getting the old truck tunned up for you?"

"Um, yeah. I have to bring some things back down with me tomorrow from the auto part's store, so he can finish it up. I really appreciate him keeping an eye on it for me."

"Oh, he's _happy_ to do it."

"Do what Dad?"

"We were just talking about the truck," Billy said, taking the glass of tea from Jake.

I too thanked Jake as he handed me a glass and sat down at the other end of the small sofa. Then, for the next forty-five minutes, we talked about the truck and the things Jake was going to do to it tomorrow, the weather, various happenings on the reservation, and school. Which brought me back to needing to get home, because I had to do my homework.

Jake walked with me back to the truck, lowered the hood, and opened the door for me. I slid in under the steering wheel and reached for the ignition. Jake was leaning against the cab with one hand, while the other was holding the armrest on the door.

"Bella, don't forget to get the things I need for tomorrow."

I pulled the folded note out of my pocket, waved it in front of him, and replied, "I don't think I will. I've got the note right here," trying my best to mimic his voice.

"Hey, I don't sound like that. I think you loose a year for that behavior, very immature," he said, laughing.

"So, now I'm what seventeen? I didn't think I was playing the age game, only you. After all, you're the one who needs to grow up," I came back, waving the note in his face again.

He caught my hand in his and held it while pulling it down on my lap. He was smiling and I could tell he was trying hard to think of something equally brilliant to reply with.

"Okay. You've got me. I'll leave your age alone, _this time_, but only because I feel like being nice. Next time you might not be so lucky."

My smile broadened knowing I had won this round and probably would win many more in the near future. That sounded strange, _the near future_. Does that mean I'd be spending a lot of my time in La Push? I pushed the thought aside to revisit later, when I got home.

"I know. You have to go home because you're just dying to hit the books. Actually, I have some too, so we both better go. See you tomorrow?"

"Yep. I'll be down as soon as I leave the store."

He seemed hesitant to let my hand go, but slowly released it, and I pushed the note into my jacket pocket before starting the engine. He backed out of the doorway, closed the door, and gave me a slight wave, as I backed out of the garage. I again watched him in the rearview mirror until he was out of sight.

As I drove home, the radio was playing softly in the background, but I just couldn't turn it off. It was actually comforting having the soft melody that was playing float around the cab. It was almost like having an old friend there with me.

Charlie wasn't home yet, when I arrived, so I started dinner and pulled out my homework. I finished my homework and the spaghetti I was fixing for dinner just about the time Charlie came home.

"Hey. How was your day? Did you go down and see Jake today, to let him work on your truck?"

"Yeah, but I have to go back tomorrow. He needed some oil and a few other things from the auto part's store, so I'm stopping by there on my way. Is that okay?"

"Sure. You know I don't mind. You can stay as long as you like. It's good for you to get out for a change. Oh, and by the way, tell Billy I want a rematch this weekend. There's a game on Saturday night and the bet is $10.00 this time."

I laughed, "I'll be sure and tell him, _but_ he may not go for upping the anti, he said something about losing a _bank roll_, or something like that, about last time."

"Just tell him. Why don't you ask Billy and Jake to come over for dinner on Saturday? I'll pull some of the fish out of the freezer and I'll show you how Billy and I like our fish fried."

"Okay. That sounds good. I better call Jake tonight, so they don't make any plans, or anything."

Charlie eyed me curiously, then smiled in agreement, as I sat his plate of hot spaghetti in front of him.

As soon as I had cleared away the mess from dinner I picked up the phone and called Jake.

"Hello. Jake? Yeah it's me. I'm sorry to bother you.....oh, okay. Well, dad was wondering if you and Billy might come over for dinner and a game Saturday night? He said he feels like a rematch, or something."

I was listening to Jake on the other end, he said yes almost before I had finished my sentence, but now was asking his dad. I was waiting for him to finish, when Charlie appeared in the kitchen doorway, motioning something to me.

"Hold on Jake."

I pulled the receiver down, covered it with the palm of my hand and asked my dad what he was trying to say.

"Tell Billy to bring some of Harry Clearwater's homemade fish fry with him and for them to come early, so we can fry the fish."

I nodded my head yes and returned to my conversation with Jake.

"Sorry Jake. My dad wants to know if you can have Billy get some of Harry Clearwaters' homemade _fish fry_, or something? He wants to show me how he and Billy like their fish fried. Okay, that sounds great. No I finished it right before dinner. How about yours? It worked fine. No, I didn't turn it off. It was sort of nice. I mean listening to it coming home. I don't know what it made me think of.....exactly. What do you mean? Okay. Well, I guess I need to go too. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

I hung up the phone, turned off the light in the kitchen, and told my dad I was going up to take a shower and get ready for bed. He asked if I told Jake to bring the fish fry and I assured him that I had, kissed him goodnight, and made my way up the stairs.

I lay on my bed, after my shower, and thumbed through my new book, as I thought about the afternoon with Jake. I wondered what he had been thinking when that song came on the radio and why he had that smile on his face? I wondered what he meant while we were on the phone about what the radio made me think of?

As long as I was thinking of Jake, or with him, I didn't feel so broken. It was as if he was good for me, almost like he was helping me pull myself back together, even if he didn't know it.

I closed the book, climbed into bed, and pulled the warm comforter up over me, then I thought about whether I would be spending more time in La Push. I knew that I would like to, but Jake may have my truck's tune up complete by tomorrow. What would I do then? He would probably find it strange for me to just hang around him for no reason. Maybe something would come up. So, I closed my eyes, and drifted to sleep with Jake's bright smile filling my mind.

The next day was busy at school. I had two exams and every class was alive with new information. At lunch, Angela came to sit beside me and we talked. She asked me what I had been up to since Friday and wanted to know if I would go to Port Angeles with her again in a few weeks. I told her I would let her know, then we proceeded to talk about our school work for the rest of the lunch period.

By the time I heard the last bell of the day, I was practically running to the parking lot and jumping into my truck. I sped away and went right to the part's store. I handed the man behind the counter Jake's note, he read it, then smiled at me, before going to get the things on the list.

He left the list laying on the counter and I happened to pick it up and read it. I hadn't read it yesterday. Jake had listed the items he needed, then at the bottom, he had added the words, "not yet, but maybe soon." I knew he said he had known the man for a while, as he always comes here to get parts for his car, but I wondered what this little cryptic inscription meant, and why the man had smiled at me? But before I could study on the matter any further, the man was back and ringing up my purchase.

I paid him and left, eager to get these items to Jake, so he could work on my truck. At least that's what I kept telling myself, as I sped down the highway toward La Push, listening to my radio and smiling all the way.

Jake was waiting for me in the garage, when I arrived. He quickly came over and opened my door, giving me the smile that I was becoming accustomed to, and I felt the warmth of that smile began to spread through me.

He was standing in the door of the truck, so I handed him the bag from the part's store, he moved and I slid out of the cab.

"Hey. How was your day?" He asked, as he went to put the bag on his work bench.

"Good. How about yours?"

"S'okay. At least I don't have homework tonight, " he said, pretending to wipe his brow.

"Well, then we both got lucky, neither do I," I laughed, as I came to stand near him.

He clasped his hands together and rubbed then, as he said, "where do we begin today? Let's see, we need to let the truck cool, so while we're waiting on that, would you like to walk down to the beach with me?"

"Sure. It's actually not raining for a change. It'll be nice to soak up some rays," I chuckled lightly.

Without another word, he quickly went over, unlatched the hood of the truck and raised it, so the heat could escape. Then he was back by my side, grabbed my hand, and we were out the door of the garage and walking toward the beach, hand in hand.

"I've not seen much of the reservation. Only the houses right around yours. Is it very big?"

"No, it's one of the smaller rez's around these parts. I guess because it is so close to the ocean."

"I haven't seen your friends around. Did you run them off for good?"

"No. They have just had other things to do the past couple of days. I'm sure you'll be seeing them _soon_ enough," Jake replied, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"You know. I never got a chance to thank Sam and the other two guys that were with him, you know, that night. I was hoping I might have a chance to see him while I was down here."

Jake's grip tightened around my hand when I mentioned Sam and the others. The happy look he had previously on his face was replaced with one of worry or dread. He stared ahead for the longest, as we continued toward the beach.

"Huh. Sam. Funny you should mention him. I've actually been thinking about him today too, but not in the same way as you."

"What does that mean? Is he in trouble or something?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"No, it's more like he's causing trouble, or at least that's the way I see it."

"Jake, tell me what's wrong."

"Well, it all started about the time he came looking for you that night. He had started budding up with the elders and they were always wanting to talk with him. Then, he started calling meetings. I mean, that's supposed to be the job of Old Quil, my friend Quil's grandfather. But the strangest part is, they let him. It's like he's running this rez and everyone's looking up to him like he is one of the ancients come back to life or something."

Jake seemed distant, like he was struggling with what he'd just told me, but not sure why. We had walked all the way to the beach by the time he finished talking. We had stopped and he was just staring out at the waves. I could feel that this was a big deal for him, a very big deal, but I wasn't sure what to do.

Then he continued in a low voice, "you should see the way he watches me. It makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. He's always lurking around in the shadows like he's waiting for something big to happen. I don't even like going to the general store anymore, thinking I might run into him."

I guess without even thinking, I found myself moving closer to him, until my arms were wrapped around his waist and I was hugging him. I didn't want him to worry and I wanted to comfort him.

I whispered, "it'll be okay Jake. It'll all work out."

He moved his arms up and wrapped them around my shoulders pulling me closer to his chest, where I rested my cheek, then stroked my hair and I felt his mouth pressing gently to the top of my head, as he replied, "thanks Bella. Thanks."

We stayed wrapped up like that for a long time, then I started pulling away. I smiled up at him, when I could see his face, but I could still tell he was worried about what was happening with his people.

He looked out at the ocean again, "do you remember this spot?"

I looked out across the waves, their white tops pounding into the sand on the shore and I remembered that this was the spot where Jake and I had walked together almost a year ago.

"Hey, there is the driftwood tree we sat on when we talked that day. I can't believe it's still here."

"I still come down here a lot. It's a good place to come and think," he said quietly.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the big tree. Its white branches, bleached from the salt water and waves, looked almost ghostly yet angelic at the same time. As we approached, I ran my hand along the smooth limbs, they were almost soft from the abrasive effects of the sea constantly scrubbing them every night when the tide came in.

"This is our spot. I like it here," I said, while climbing up onto one of the lower lying branches.

I stood up as tall as I could and shouted, "I hereby declare this Jake and Bella's private sanctuary by the sea!"

Jake was laughing as I climbed back down. At least he was laughing now, instead of being worried, I thought. Maybe that's what he needed, was to just laugh and forget about things for the afternoon. So the next thing I found myself doing was running up the beach screaming, "bet you can't catch me!"

I could feel my hair flying in the wind as I ran, first on the damp sand by the water's edger, then into the dry white sand further inland. I thought I was way ahead of him, until he scooped me up from behind, picked me up off the ground, and then before I knew it, we were toppling over onto the warm sand, both laughing so hard we couldn't see.

When we finally stopped laughing, I was laying on my back and Jake was propped up beside me on an elbow. As I looked up at him, I wished that his hair had been hanging free, and thought how nice it would have been to see it moving gently around his face.

"It feels nice to laugh for a change doesn't it Bella?" He said, smiling down at me and pulling a strand of my own hair away from my lips.

"Yeah it does. I'd almost forgotten what it was like."

"Are you felling better? Or does it still hurt?" Jake asked, so seriously that it took me by surprise.

I felt an old familiar pain pulse in my chest as he pulled at my memories, but I didn't want to cry today. Today was a day of laughter for both of us.

"Hey. We're not talking about that today. Today I'm trying to make you happy. I don't want to see you sad," I said, poking him in the ribs.

He too started laughing and fell back in the sand. I propped up this time on one elbow, and continued to poke him in the ribs, until he finally grabbed my hand, and pulled me down close to him.

My hair was flying around both our faces, so he reached up and pushed it behind my ears. Looking down at him, I remembered the words to the song that was on yesterday, _someday lady you'll accompany me, where the rivers meet the sounding sea, flying high above me wild and free...._

At that moment, I did feel free. Free of the pain and sadness that had plagued me for so long, but would this feeling last? Could I overcome the pain once and for all? I felt like the answer might be yes, with Jake there to help me through it.

When I realized we were both smiling at each other and how close we actually were, I sat up, pulling away. I looked out at the ocean and watched the waves ebb toward the horizon. It was beautiful here and so peaceful. No wonder Jake was almost always smiles. He lived near one of the most contented places on earth, the sea.

I was lost in the moment, breathing in the briny air and listening to the sounds all around us, when I noticed Jake was staring at me, not at the ocean. I felt my cheeks began to glow, as the blood rose up and filled them.

"What?" I asked, innocently.

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Well, now you have me curious. What exactly were you thinking?"

He stood up and held out his hand to help me up.

"I was just thinking we better get back. I'm sure the truck is cool enough to take the plug out of the oil pan, so I can start the oil to draining."

I had a feeling that the oil wasn't what he had on his mind, but I didn't push the subject, so I let him help me up. He didn't let go of my hand as we walked back to the garage and I didn't mind. I was beginning to enjoy his hand in mine, maybe more than I should.

When we got back, Jake pulled out two red ramps, cranked the truck and pulled it up onto the ramps, giving him better access to the underside of the truck.

He quickly gathered an old yellow tub, a red rag, a wrench, and a light that he hooked under the truck, before laying down and sliding underneath the metal frame. I watched his legs for a few moments, then became curious as to what he was doing under there, so I lay down and shimmed under the truck with him.

"Hey. You'll get dirty under here."

I was just about to reach up and touch a bolt on the undercarriage, when Jake grabbed my hand and pulled it toward him.

"You also have to be careful, or you'll get burned," he scolded. Then he rested our hands on his chest.

We lay there, underneath the truck and talked while the oil drained into the yellow pan. Jake told me about a project he had to complete this weekend for school and about being asked to work on his neighbor's car next week. I didn't have much to tell, so I just listened, content with his company and the soothing sound of his voice.

When the oil had completely drained, he replaced the plug in the oil pan, we got up, and he proceeded to change the oil filter and added the new quarts of oil. He had just finished, when he looked up at me and said, "I forgot to have you pick up the spark plugs and wires. I guess that means you will have to come back tomorrow, so I can install them." He just grinned at me, and I knew this time that he had forgotten them on purpose.

"So, I guess I need to go back to the auto parts store tomorrow and pick them up?" I asked with a silly grin on my face.

"Please? Then when you come down tomorrow, I can finish the tune up and the old truck will be running as good as new," he said with a quick wink, as he walked over to the workbench and made another list with the parts I would need to get.

"Thanks Jake. It means a lot that you're helping me. I'm mean fix up the truck and all."

"Bella, I'm glad to help and besides, we've gotten to spend time together," he said, as he handed the list to me, "and I wouldn't trade that for anything."

I shoved the note into my pocket and sighed, "I guess I better be getting home. I have just enough time to make dinner before Charlie gets home."

"Hate to see you go, but I know how it is," Jake replied, looking somewhat sullen.

"Yeah. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Sure, sure, you know where to find me. Right here in the Taj Mahal," he said looking around the small garage.

I smiled, but something about that statement made me sad. I started slowly toward my truck and Jake followed. He lowered the hood, letting it slam with a loud bang, then was at my door holding it open for me.

"Thanks again Jake," I said, as I climbed into the driver's seat.

He leaned into the door, with both arms pressed above his head on the frame of the door, while he ducked to peer at me inside. His eyes had a sparkle to them and he gave me that little smile that made things seem all better. I wrapped one hand around the steering wheel and reached to start my truck with the other. I felt his warm hand on mine, as he wrapped both around the steering wheel and held them there for a few seconds.

"You be safe going home. Okay?"

I smiled up at him, then looked at our hands, as he reluctantly slid his away and started backing up away from the door, then closed it and patted the side of the truck as he mouthed the word goodbye. I waved and did the same, then backed out of the small garage, and headed for home.


	6. The Rabbit

Chapter Six

The Rabbit

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Well, I hope everyone is liking this story so far. Jake and Bella together, what more can I say? Okay, but here is where we will start to pull away from canon some, so I hope everyone can keep up. Thanks to all who are reading and especially those who are reviewing.

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Driving home, I couldn't help but worry about how upset Jake seemed to be when we talked about Sam and the other guys on the rez. When I got home, I started dinner and ran upstairs to get my book about the Quileutes, so I could thumb through it while I waited on dinner to cook.

I was deeply submerged in the legend of the wolf, when my dad came home and I had to get things ready to eat.

"Hey kiddo. How was your day?" He asked, smiling at me broadly, as he hung up his gun rig.

"It was good. I didn't have any homework for a change."

"And how was Jake?"

"He was okay, for the most part," I said, smiling to myself.

"So, did he get finished with your truck today?"

"No, actually he, um, forgot to have me get the spark plugs and wires, so I have to go back tomorrow."

"Well, isn't that convenient?" I thought I heard him mumble.

"What?"

"I mean, isn't that convenient that you can go right by the part's store after school?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him smile at me, as he shook his head. I could only guess what he must be thinking. The same thing I was thinking, but I liked what I was thinking about Jake having forgotten the parts on purpose forcing me to go back to La Push tomorrow, so I smiled too.

After dinner, I took a shower and got in bed. I read some more about the Quileute legend and feel asleep with the book on my pillow. I soon found myself in a mist filled forest setting, not like the one from the night Edward left, but instead a peaceful place where I felt safe and warm. I was alone, wearing a long white nightgown and it was blowing gently in the breeze hugging to the shape of my body.

I looked through the mist and saw a large figure approaching me, slowly, cautiously, and with every step it took I could see its shoulders rise and fall one at a time, under its taut muscular flesh which was covered in a beautiful russet fur. It was a giant wolf. He walked right up to me, lifted his eyes, and looked into my own. I felt no fear, only comfort and again warmth. Then the white mist came between us and I couldn't see him anymore. Only then did I become afraid, and began to panic, looking for the wolf, my protector.

Startled, I sat up in the bed, and realized it was only a dream. I lay back down, and drifted back to sleep, hoping I would see my protector again, but I must have slept the rest of the night without dreaming, and the next thing I knew it was morning again.

I got dressed and made it downstairs quickly, drank a glass of orange juice and ate a slice of toast with butter on it, before grabbing my backpack and making my way to my truck so I could go to school.

When I arrived, everyone was filing into the side door, so I got out and followed the steady stream of bodies. As luck would have it, I bumped into Mike Newton, who turned and smiled at me, as soon as he saw I was the one who had hit him.

"Hey, hey, hey Arizona. What's happening? I haven't caught up with you in ages. Have you been dodging me?"

His question was stupid really. He knew that I had been right there every day, but I had always avoided eye contact with him and many of the others, so I could spare myself the misery of trying to explain things. I had been living in my own little world, walled up away from everyone else.

"No, of course not. I've just been minding my own business," I replied, without thinking.

He slid his arm around my shoulder and walked with me the rest of the way into the school. I wanted to grab his arm and remove it, but I was trying to be sociable, so I endured the contact.

When we got inside, he walked me to my locker, arm still around my shoulders. I shifted, trying to remove my backpack, so he let his arm drop to his side.

"So. When are you going to maybe go do something with me? You know, maybe go out with me?"

I felt the blood drain from my face, and found myself momentarily at a loss for words. I thought he and Jessica had been dating, so why was he again lavishing his attention on me?

I reached for my locker door, trying to think of something to say, just as Angela came up beside me. I saw her eyes searching our faces, and looking embarrassed that she had interrupted, but right now I could actually hug her.

"Hey Angela. How are you this morning?" I asked, in a very happy tone.

"I'm fine. I didn't mean to intrude."

"No. It's fine. Mike and I were just about to go to class," I said, giving him a smile that felt more like a smirk.

"Yeah, but you didn't answer my question, Arizona," he said, tapping the side of my locker.

"I'll have to think about it. Okay?"

"Okay. I'll talk to you about it later then," he said, with a slightly triumphant look and pranced away.

"What was that all about?" Angela asked, leaning down to almost whisper in my ear.

"I've never been so glad to see you in all my life. You saved me just now," I said laughing, as I grabbed her hand and started pulling her with me to our first class. "He was trying to ask me out, or something. But I thought he and Jessica were dating?"

"They broke up over the weekend, or should I say 'they are taking a break for a while' as Jessica phrased it," She said with a giggle.

"Oh great, so I'm the rebound material. Thanks that's good to know. That will help me in pushing the words _no thank you_."

We were both giggling, by the time we made it to our desks, and I settled in for a long day of tolerating being at school when all the while I was wishing I could see a certain someone.

Angela saved me again at lunch by asking me to go outside with her and eat at the picnic table. I gladly followed, and we ate our lunch, which consisted of pasta and fruit salads and bottles of water. The fresh air was nice and it made me even more antsy to be in La Push.

I was able to avoid Mike the rest of the day, and only had homework in one class, so I felt very relieved to make it out of school alive, so to speak.

I stopped at the auto part's store, and the familiar face behind the counter smiled up at me when the door bell rang announcing my entrance into the store.

"How can I help you today Miss Swan?" The man asked still smiling.

I smiled in return and handed him the list Jake had given me. I was reaching into my purse to pull out my money, when he turned to walk back to the storage area, and I thought I heard him say something like, _"he's good, very good, smooth even_," but I wasn't sure. Either way, I felt a few butterflies dancing in my stomach, at the thought of my return visits to the store being carefully orchestrated and strangely enough, I didn't mind. I felt a somewhat flattered.

He returned with my parts, I paid out, and told him thank you as I left the store. He smiled and waived as I left, and I was content as I pulled onto the roadway and turned toward a now very familiar route. The one back to Jake.

My radio was playing softly in the background, and it helped make the trip seem much faster. As I pulled around to the small garage, I saw him standing there with his arms crossed over his broad chest, smiling that breathtaking smile at me. I had to concentrate on the narrow doorway in front of me, and not look at him, as I squeezed my truck in and came to a stop.

My door was whisked open, and I felt a rush of cool air and warmth as Jake almost pulled me out of the truck to give me a bear hug. The butterflies returned and were working a number on my insides, as he lifted me off the ground and hugged me tight against his chest. I liked being in his warm embrace, but the lack of oxygen I was receiving was making me dizzy, so I gasped.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered through my hair and I heard him inhale deeply.

"Me....too....." I said, almost coughing as I replenished my air supply.

I looked up gazing into his warm and inviting dark brown, almost black eyes, and was lost for a few moments in just being there finally with him. Our smiles mirrored each others and I realized that his hands were still on my shoulders and mine were on his waist. I had to hold onto something, when I was trying to get my breath, but I had never let go. I even found myself thinking that I liked being right here with him like this and wouldn't trade the moment for anything.

"How was your day?" He asked quietly, through his smile.

"It was good. I was just...." I had to stop myself.

In my current state of bliss I had almost said exactly what was on my mind. But he wouldn't let me off that easily.

"Yes?" He pried. "You were about to say something else."

"No. I....no....I had a good day," was my muddled attempt at keeping my true thoughts to myself.

"Bella. Tell me what you were about to say? Please?" He said with the sweetest pleading look I had ever seen that melted me right where I stood.

I felt my face burning as my cheeks filled with red heat. He was going to force me to tell him. But it was the truth. What could it hurt to tell him the truth?

I dropped my gaze to the ground, searching for an object to anchor myself to, but he wouldn't have that either. He slowly pulled one of his hands from my shoulder and tucked his warm finger under my chin, pulling my face back up to meet his warm questioning eyes.

"I was....I just....I wanted to be here, with yo....you," I stuttered, and tilted my head to the side slightly as I let myself feel the gravity of what I was saying.

I did want to be here with him. I felt good here, I wanted his company, I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to feel his warmth. It was just a little honesty. What could that hurt, I thought? And the thought made me smile even more, as the rose coloring again came into my cheeks.

The realization of what I had just said, must have finally sunk in somewhere inside of Jake, and a dawn of understanding washed over him, bringing on a smile so wide that his white opal tinted teeth shown against his perfect dark skin tone.

"I like you being here too. I like it very much," was his simple, but honest reply, and I liked what he had to say as much as he must have liked what I had said.

"So. What do we need to do today?" I asked, in a whisper, which pulled us both from our daydream of possibilities.

"Did you bring the spark plugs?" He asked.

I turned to reach inside the truck, pulled out the bag with the parts he had requested, and handed it to him. He hesitantly pulled away and went to his work bench, where he spread the contents of the bag out.

I leaned against the side of my truck trying to pull myself together from the very short but honest conversation we had just had, and watched him as he opened the end of each box carefully, removed the spark plugs, and lay them out all in a row. He then took each wire, also laying them out, after inspecting each end.

He was meticulous with each piece and I wondered if he was that way with everything he worked on. My guess was that he was, and I liked that about him. He was careful, thoughtful, and filled with an air of pride as he worked in his little Taj Mahal. The thought made me smile again as I continued to watch him.

After he had inspected each part and made it ready, he turned back to me.

"Bella, we have to wait for it to cool down again. Come on, let's go for a drive. I'll show some more of the rez," he said, as he bridged the distance between us. He closed the door of my truck, took me by the hand, and we started walking toward a car, which I assumed was the Rabbit.

"Did you finish your car?" I asked excitedly, moving my legs quickly trying to match his wide stride.

"Yep. And I want you to be the first to go for a ride with me," he said with pride.

"The first. Does that mean you'll have every girl in La Push going for rides with you before long?" I asked, feeling a sudden jolt of, some feeling I had never know before, and I wasn't even sure why I was feeling it.

He came to a halt, but I kept walking, until I reached the end of his arm. He carefully pulled me back to him and squared off to face me.

"No ma'am it doesn't," he said firm and serious.

I don't even know why I would think of such a thing, or why I should care. It was his car and he could let anyone ride in it that he wanted. I felt so embarrassed and I thought I might have hurt his feelings, so I looked away.

"I didn't mean that," I said quietly.

"Yes you did and I'm glad you feel that way. I don't mind," he said bending down to look up into my worried face. "So you'll be my copilot for the first trial run?"

His silly gesture made me laugh and I said sure, then we were off again. When we reached the small red car, he opened the passenger's door for me and closed it carefully after I had gotten seated.

He climbed in, and I was amazed that someone his size could fit into the car, but he had the seat pushed back all the way and the steering wheel tilted up, so he looked right at home, like the car was built just for him.

When he pulled out of his yard, he turned toward the beach front, and we took a road that wound around following the shoreline. I noticed that we were climbing as he drove, and soon realized that we were on the cliffs overlooking the ocean.

The view from this height was breathtaking and I wouldn't have missed being with him on this maiden voyage for anything. He had made me feel special and I appreciated that.

"Jake, it is so beautiful up here," I said, as he slowed the car and came to a stop.

He climbed out and came around to open my door, but I was already on my way out to meet him. The air was crisp and salty, as the wind blew up from the waves below. The sound of the water crashing into the rocks was muffled from this distance, but as I watched them rolling onto the rocks, I could just imagine how loud it was down below. We leaned against the fender of his car and I found myself sighing at the picture stretched out before us.

But I soon had a feeling that Jake wasn't looking at the ocean, and sure enough, when I stole a peek at him from the corner of my eye, he was watching me.

"I'm not going to be asking anyone else to ride in the Rabbit anytime soon. Anyone of the female persuasion, that is. So don't worry about that. Okay?" He said, looking very serious as he took my hand closest to him, in his.

"Okay," was my reply, and I felt bad for what I had said before, but I felt strangely relieved at his promise too.

We stood there looking out at the water, watching the water birds dive and spin as they plunged themselves into the blue and white water, only to pull out a fish for their evening meal. We laughed at a pair of birds that seemed to be fighting over a certain fish, and Jake continued to hold my hand, and we were good and comfortable just hanging out together.

I'm not sure how long we had been there, just quietly enjoying each others company, when there was a noise coming from the woods near the cliff. We turned to see two figures emerging from the tree line. I felt Jake stiffen beside me and he pulled me closer to his side, never letting go of my hand.

As my eyes focused on the figures, I realized, or at least I thought I did as best as my memory would serve me, that the two young men approaching us were the ones with Sam then night he found me in the forest.

"What are you two doing here?" Jake asked in a stern voice, as they walked around looking at his car and then at us.

They weren't wearing much, just a pair of old cut off blue jean shorts. They were both very muscular with smooth dark skin like Jake's, and their hair was jet black but cut very short, almost cropped. I noticed too that they weren't wearing any shoes, which I found very strange.

"We came to see your car. So you finally go it up and running?" The tallest of the two young men asked.

"Yeah. What's it to you?" Jake replied, and his tone became even more bitter.

I could tell that he was very uncomfortable around them, and I thought it was odd that they would come out here, away from everything and everyone to look at his car. How had they known we were there? Were they keeping an eye on him?

"Easy Jake. We were just passing by and saw you guys up here and thought we'd have a look. The old Rabbit looks sharp. You've done a great job on it," the other young man said, holding up his hands as a sign of peaceful surrender.

"Thanks. It took a long time, but it was worth it," Jake finally said, and I saw the pride of his hard work showing in his facial expression.

Then the young man turned to me, " how are you doing, Bella?" As he nodded his head at me.

I looked at Jake, "Bella, this is Jarred," he motioned toward the one who had asked how I was, " and that is Paul," pointing toward the other young man.

"Nice to meet you both. And I'm fine. Thank you," I said, feeling very nervous because of Jake's behavior around these guys. He really didn't trust them.

"Well we'll be going then. We just wanted to see the car. See you around Jake. Bella," Paul said, looking back toward me.

I just nodded to them and tried to smile politely. They turned and disappeared into the woods from where they had come. It was several minutes though before Jake began to loosen up, and I could feel his grip lessen on my hand, which he had held through the entire ordeal.

"Are you okay Jake? What were they doing out here? Do you think they were, fo.....following you?"

I hadn't even given him a chance to respond as the questions just kept flowing out one after the other. He kept his eyes on the thicket of trees in which the two had disappeared, and I saw a strange, look of what I thought was longing, cloud his face for just a moment, but then he pulled himself together and looked even more confused. I felt so bad for him right now, and I was still a bit uneasy myself. So before he could answer, I moved so that I was standing in front of him and placed my hand on his chest. I rubbed him gently, trying to get him to open up because I knew he needed to talk about this.

His tension seemed to roll away as I rubbed small circles on his chest. And before long he was looking down at me, trying to focus on me and my questions, but I could tell he was still thinking about what had just happened.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry you were afraid, but I wouldn't have let anything hurt you," he said, looking now very serious.

"I know. I never had any doubts about that. But do you think they were following you?"

"Yeah. I know they were. They were watching us. Why else would the two of them have been out here?"

"Jake, if Sam is the one leading this, whatever it is, then maybe you should ask your dad to speak to him and tell him to leave you alone."

"Huh, that's the worst part of it Bella. My dad doesn't want me saying anything negative about Sam and the others. He has basically told me that they are the life force of the rez and that I need to respect them."

"What? Billy said that? Not the Billy I know? Surely you heard wron...."

"No. He told me those very words last night when I tried to talk with him after you left. I don't know what is going on, but I guess I'm on my own."

"Oh Jake, you're not on your own. I'm here. I'll be with you. Maybe I could go and talk with Billy for you and make him see how concerned you are. He would listen to me. Wouldn't he?"

"He wouldn't listen to me Bella, so I don't think he would listen to you."

By now Jake had taken my other hand, the one on his chest and was holding it too. I looked up at his dark tortured eyes trying my best to come up with a solution that would help him.

"I'll talk with Charlie. I'll tell him what you've told me, and then this weekend when you and Billy come over. He can talk with him. They've been friends for more than twenty years, Jake. He'll listen to my dad. I just know he will."

"No Bella. I'm afraid this is a Quileute problem and if Charlie says anything it will be considered an insult and it might alter their friendship. We tend to take care of our own problems here on the rez, keeping it close to home. If you know what I mean."

I did know what he meant, but it didn't stop me from worrying about him and trying to rack my brain for a way to help. So we just stood there, both of us in deep thought, as Jake and I continued to hold onto each other. If it hadn't been for the circumstances and the tension, I would have been very happy to be this close to him again.

"It will be okay. Try not to worry," I said, as I inched closer, hesitantly moving to lay my head against his chest.

He took note of my hesitant intentions and helped me with my decision, as he wrapped his arms around me and drew me into his chest, resting his cheek against the top of my head, similar to the way he had the day before. I breathed a sigh of relief once I was there and felt the rest of the tension leaving him, as he sort of rocked us gently from side to side.

"This is more like the way I had planed to spend the afternoon, just being with you, instead of having the unwanted interruption. Sorry," he whispered into my hair and I felt his hot breathe against my scalp.

"It wasn't your fault. And besides, we're okay now," I said, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply to smell him all around me. I liked the way he smelled and hoped that I could remember it when I went to bed tonight.

At least twenty minutes passed, before Jake started to pull us apart, and I opened my eyes, to see him staring at me.

"I guess it's getting late, and I still have some spark plugs to replace. Are you ready to go back?"

I just nodded, not really ready to give up our stolen moment, but I knew I must. After all, I still had some homework to do tonight, and I'm sure he did too.

He helped me into the car, got in and started it, pulling slowly away from the cliffs and back onto the road. We didn't say much as we drove back to Jake's house, and I knew that the event that had just taken place was still weighing heavy on his mind.

As he pulled up in his yard, he sighed, as he parked the car and killed it. He looked distant and I felt like he might not feel like working on my truck now.

"Jake, it's okay if you want to wait on the truck. I don't mind at all," I offered.

"No, no. Come on we need to get that baby taken care of," he replied, now smiling but not as big as when I got there earlier. I could tell he was putting on a front for me.

We both climbed out and I followed him into the garage. I watched as he grabbed two wrenches, a red rag, the spark plugs and wires, as he made his way over to the truck. He popped the hood and started pulling the old wires off the spark plugs, but didn't remove them from the engine. He just laid them aside.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, wondering why he hadn't pulled the wires out too.

This got him to talking and he went on to tell me about needing them in place so he knew which wire went to which plug and so on, and before long he had given me enough information about my truck's engine that I thought I might have been able to change my own spark plugs, if I ever needed too. He sure knew his way around under the hood and I found myself very impressed with his abilities.

I had watched, propped up on my elbows on the fender of my truck, while he finished the job and listened intently to all of his instructions. When he finally finished, he looked up and smiled.

"Well, I guess that about finishes it up. I'd say the tune up is complete and she should run like a top for at least another year," he said, wiping his hands on his rag and lowering the hood down until it latched.

A year. My heart sank, and I felt a little sick at my stomach. What would I do now that the truck project was over? Would this mean I wouldn't be seeing him but every once in a while? My mood suddenly plummeted, and I felt sad like I'd just lost a tiny part of myself. Then I remembered Saturday and I thought maybe I could make it until then.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jake asked, lifting my chin up to look at him.

"Yeah, um, why? What?"

"I don't know, I was saying I would like to take a look at_ yo_..., I mean the truck, at least once a week, to make sure it was in working order. You know, with one this old, it needs to be inspected for everyday wear and tear. The parts that I replaced are not the only parts that need to be looked after. And I think I should be the one to look after her, you know, if you want me too," he said, quietly.

"I do, Jake. I do. I think you need to keep us running, I mean her running in tip top shape. I wouldn't want it to leave me stranded or something," I said, as my breath caught in my throat, something about the look in his eyes held me captive.

He smiled at me and I knew we had both slipped, using the truck as our excuse, but I could see through it, and I hoped he could too. So I felt somewhat better knowing that I would at least be seeing Jake once a week, but was secretly hoping for more time with him.

I glanced at the Coca Cola clock on the wall of the garage, and realized it was getting late and knew my time was up once again.

"I know. You have to leave," he said, looking disappointed.

"Hey, are you going to be okay?" I said, looking up at him, as his head was now bent looking at the floor.

He reached out and placed his hand softly against my cheek, letting his thumb move up over my cheekbone. He left my skin tingling and warm where he was touching me.

"Yeah. I'm gonna be fine. Just fine," he said, looking at me like he wanted to say something more, but stopped himself, and was just standing there holding my face in his hand.

I wrapped my fingers around his hand, pressed it firmly to my cheek once, then pulled it away, and pulled him with me as I got into my truck. With a heavy sigh, I pulled the door open and climbed inside.

I cranked the truck and the music started playing from my radio, I reached to turn it down, but Jake reached in across my chest and grabbed my hand, pulling it down to rest in my lap.

"Don't. I want you to listen to it on the way home. Who knows, maybe you'll even think about, you know, maybe me," he said, and I thought I saw him blush.

"I already do," I whispered, then pulled his hand up with mine and brushed his hand across my lips, not really kissing them, but feeling his warm skin against my lips. It made my lips tingle, just like my cheek was still tingling from his caress.

Now I know he was blushing, I saw the hint of crimson creep up under his burnt sienna skin, as he started standing up and moved back so I could be going. He closed my door and backed away, but then motioned for me to roll down the window, just as I was about to back out of the drive.

I rolled it down and looked over at him tilting my head slightly to the side, as I tried to figure out what he wanted. He just seemed to need one more touch, one more moment of contact before I left, so he reached back in and touched my cheek again, as he said, "I'll see you soon, okay? Take care of my baby until then."

And with that he pulled away, and gave me a little wave, as he moved his hand up to rub the back of his neck. I mouthed the words, "I will," as I waived too, and backed out of the garage. But I knew a part of me would be staying there with him, until I was able to see him again.

That night, as I lay across my bed, I rubbed my check and my lips and remembered how he had felt touching me, how I had felt touching him, our skin together, nothing between us. It was perfect that way, it felt right.

I leaned over to my night stand and picked up my book, turning over on my bed to turn the pages to a passage that I had read before, but tonight it seemed to take on a new meaning for me. I whispered it aloud, "_certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart."  
_

So I drifted off to sleep, the book drawn tightly to my chest, and felt a smile feather across my lips as I thought about what that passage now meant to me, and I knew that it all had to do with Jake.


	7. A Smoldering Ember

Chapter Seven

A Smoldering Ember

It was hard to make it through the next day, knowing I wouldn't be seeing Jake that afternoon. It wasn't like I had become dependant upon him or anything to keep my mind occupied. I really and truly liked being with him. He made me feel good, he was funny, he was so very nice to look at, and I was at ease when I was with him. We just worked well together and I was going to miss that.

I sat through my last two classes, trying to think of an excuse to go back to La Push. But he probably would be off with his friends, after all my truck was finished and his self-proclaimed obligation to keep it up and running had been met, so..... That's it! I needed to thank him for working on my truck.

He had told me he wouldn't accept payment for his work, but I could make him something as a way of saying thanks, and I would have to take it to him. That's it. I would make him a big batch of cookies and _take_ them to him after school, so I could thank him for all he had done. I'm sure he would like cookies. I mean, after all he was a red-blooded male and they all like cookies?

So with my plan laid out in my mind, I waited and when the final bell rang, I was out of the school like a flash of lightening, and on my way home. I tried to reason with myself, as I drove a little _too fast_, that I was just being nice. That I had to repay him in some way. And that it wasn't like I had any sort of, you know, _feelings_ for him. After all, we were just really, really good friends.

But as soon as I got home, all of my reasoning went out the window and all I could think about was making the best cookies I'd ever made, so that Jake would know how much I..... I appreciated him. That's right. How very much I appreciated him.

I flung my backpack in the kitchen chair, washed up, pulled out my recipe book, and the ingredients I would need to make two types of cookies. I decided on chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin. I figured he would like one or the other and what he didn't eat, Billy probably would.

I had both batches whipped up in no time, and filled two cookie sheets full, popped them into the oven, and pulled out my homework. I needed to get it finished, so I could stay longer in La Push.

The bell rang on my timer, and I pulled the first batch out of the oven to cool. After waiting a few minutes, I placed them on the baker's rack, then replenished the pans, putting more in the oven to bake. I did this a couple of times, and soon all four dozen cookies were ready. I put almost all of them in a plastic container, then made a few sandwiches, and left them on the counter with a few of the cookies for Charlie's dinner.

I wrote a quick note, and told him I would eat when I got home, I had finished my homework and needed to take the cookies I had baked to Jake as payment for him working on my truck. I knew he probably wouldn't mind, but I wanted to let him know anyway.

So, I was once again on my way down that familiar road, one that I was really starting to enjoy traveling. I sang along with the tune that was playing softly on the radio, and couldn't help but think about the day Jake and I were at the drive-in, when he told me I could take down his hair. The memory had me smiling the rest of the trip.

When I pulled up in front of Jake's house, I was a little disappointed that he didn't come out to meet me, but then again, he wasn't expecting me. So I just climbed out, got the container of cookies and walked up to the front porch.

I knocked and in a few minutes I heard Billy call that it was open for me to come on in. I pushed the door open and peered inside, only to see him sitting in the living room, watching the nightly news.

"Bella, what a surprise. Come in," he said politely.

"I hope I'm not intruding, but I brought Jake something. I wanted to give him a little something to say thanks for helping with my truck. It's not much, but he wouldn't let me pay him," I said, feeling embarrassed that I was there, knowing that I had an ulterior motive.

"What do you have there? It sure smells good," Billy asked, with a big smile spreading across his face.

"I made cookies," I said, opening the container, "would you like one? I thought what Jake didn't eat you might like to have."

"Bella, that is so sweet of you. I better get one now though, because if I know Jake, he'll have them almost eaten before he goes to bed tonight."

He reached in and took an oatmeal raisin cookie, and looked very pleased that they were still warm. I watched happily as he ate every last bite.

"Bella, that was delicious. Thank you for thinking of me too," he said with a wink.

"Um, is Jake here?" I asked, not being able to stand it any longer.

"No, he went to the general store a few blocks down to get some milk and bread. He was mad at me because I wouldn't let him drive his car. But, he has to have an adult with him and I didn't want to go such a short distance, so I made him walk," he said laughing.

"Well. I could drive down and pick him up. Do you mind if I leave the cookies here and go get him?"

"No, not at all. Why don't you set them in the kitchen? I'm sure he'll be _more than happy _to see you again. And I know he'll be surprised when you are there to pick him up."

So I told him thanks, set the cookies in the kitchen, and left quietly, telling him I would see him later. I got into my truck and pulled out of the drive, heading toward the store. I had only gone a short distance, when I saw three young men coming out of the woods not far from Jake's house.

I looked closely and realized they were Sam, Paul, and Jared. My heart sped up a bit, and I thought back to our encounter yesterday with Paul and Jared, and I remembered all of what Jake had told me about Sam over the last few days. But I was here and so were they, so I didn't stop to think, I just pulled over and got out. I really wanted to thank Sam and get that off my chest.

Besides, maybe I could tell what was going on that had Jake so worried. I slowly walked around my truck as they followed me with their sharp gazes. I was nervous, but I hadn't done anything wrong, so I walked right up to them and waited a minute before speaking.

"Hey," I said, giving Sam a small waive.

"Hello," he said in a deep and unreadable tone.

His eyes followed me with curiosity and I could see a flicker of the same feelings in his eyes for a moment that I saw the night he found me, but then they were gone, and replaced with something else, something that looked like authority.

"I just saw you and wanted to stop and say thanks for what you did for me. You're Sam. Right? I'm Bella Swan. Remember? And I wanted to thank you for that, um, that night in the forest," I said, extending my hand to him in a friendly gesture.

He looked at my hand, but never moved his arms from across his broad chest. He did, however, turn and give the other two a nod, and they responded by saying no, but he quickly ordered them to leave, so they did. They both looked at me and almost snarled, then turned and faded back into the woods, just like yesterday.

Sam slowly removed one arm and finally took my hand in his as he gave me a firm hand shake. He was hot to the touch and after I pulled my hand away, I slipped it behind my back and rubbed it with my other hand, thinking my hands must have been very cold.

"It was nothing. I see you're doing better," he said, but still didn't seem to be very friendly.

I felt hurt that he no longer showed the same compassion I thought I had seen that night only a few months ago. Maybe Jake was right. Maybe he had changed and maybe he wasn't such a good person after all.

"Well. I just wanted to stop and tell you how I felt..."

"You won't find what you're looking for here. It's best if you look somewhere else. Are you dating someone now? Maybe someone from _your_ school? Someone from Forks?"

He had not only cut me off rather rudely, he had also caught me off guard with unusual line of questioning and it not only stung, it made me very upset. I didn't know what to say, but finally, after I thought for a moment, I simply asked what I needed to, to clear my mind.

"You're so different from the person I met that night. I...I...thought you seemed concerned, but I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry to have bothered you. And no, I'm not dating anyone, not that it's any of your concern," I said curtly as I turned and walked back to my truck.

"Bella. Just remember what I said. It's best if you look somewhere else," he called to me as I slammed the door on my truck, cranked it and pulled away.

Jake was right. He was so right and I should have listened to him. I should never have stopped. By the time I reached the store, my hands were shaking and I thought I might start crying. But I didn't want to ruin the time I had with Jake, so I was going to try to act like nothing had happened.

I climbed out of my truck and stood there, leaning against it for a few minutes. I was trying to pull myself together, when the old wooden door of the general store slammed closed, and I heard the cow bell ringing in the distance. I looked up to see Jake coming out of the store carrying a brown paper bag. He smiled his smile when he saw me standing there, but as he got closer his smile turned into a look of concern as it withered away. I guess I wasn't as pulled together as I thought.

"Bella. What are you doing here? Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked, as he came immediately to stand in front of me.

"Hi. I, um, I was coming to give you a lift. I had....." I had to stop and take a deep breath, before I started crying. I just couldn't shake the way Sam had made me feel. I took a few breaths, began rubbing my hands together in front me, and looked down at the ground.

I jumped as Jake opened the truck door, placing his bag inside. He left the door open and came back to me and I could feel his gaze on me, but I just couldn't look up yet. Then I felt the hot salty tears trickling down my cheeks. I hadn't wanted him to see me cry, but it was no use.

"Bella, are you, are you crying?" he asked, as his voice began to rise by the end of the question.

That's when I lost it and started all out crying. I tried to tell him what the whole trip had been about, and what had happened, but it all came out slurred.

"Jake....I....." and my crying lead to soft sobs.

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me close to his chest, rubbing my back with one hand and stroking my hair with the other. He was whispering shhh's into my hair.

"Now. Tell me what's wrong. Let's start at the beginning."

I relaxed into his embrace and felt much more comfortable now, so I tried to form words that were coherent.

"I came to see you. I made you cookies to thank you for helping me with my truck. I brought two kinds," I said, as I tried to quiet my crying by focusing on my reason for coming to La Push in the first place, well one of the reasons.

"You did all that for me? Bella, I told you I didn't want anything, but that is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Where are the cookies?" he asked, pulling my face up to look at him, trying to make me smile.

"I left them with your dad. He told me where you were and I was coming to surprise you and give you a ride home....when....I...."

"When what?"

"I saw him. I saw them. And I just wanted to thank him. I thought it might help for me to...."

I felt him stiffen all around me and I knew he knew immediately what I was talking about.

"Bella, you didn't talk to Sam? Did you?"

I just nodded and looked down again.

"What did he say? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Jake asked, now with anger in his voice.

"It's okay Jake. I was just upset."

"Upset nothing. He said something to you that had you shaking just now. I want to know what he said?"

He pushed me out at arms length and looked down at me, with a pleading and concerned look in his eyes.

"He just talked to me like I didn't belong here. He said something about me not finding what I was looking for here. I don't know what he meant, Jake. But he...he...asked me if I was dating someone from my own highschool. He said I should date someone from Forks or from my school. I just didn't like the way he was talking to me and I don't understand. He was so nice the night, that night. And I felt so close to him. He reminded me of....he reminded me of you, Jake. I couldn't let him go that night, and he leaned down and whispered into my ear, 'I know things seem dark for you right now, but in time you will find light again. And this time it will be right for you.'"

Now I was crying again. I just couldn't help it. Sam had made me remember that night, he had made me feel like he had only been doing his job, when I thought he had shown true compassion for me. But now I was hurt and confused.

Jake pulled me in for another hug, and kissed my forehead, whispering that everything would be okay, as he helped me into the truck. He took the keys, and pulled me over to sit beside him, while he started the truck, pulled out onto the road, then placed his arm around my shoulder.

We were almost back to Jake's when, low and behold, there Sam was again, just coming out of the woods near Jake's house. Before I knew what was happening, Jake had slammed my truck into park, killed the engine, and was climbing out, leaving the door open behind him.

"Jake, no!" I called out trying to grab his arm.

But I didn't even have time to try and stop him and my heart was pounding in my chest as I thought about Jake getting hurt because of me. I didn't want any trouble. I just wanted to go home. But Jake wasn't afraid, he walked right up to Sam, who glanced at me shooting me a stern look through the windshield, then turned to look at Jake, who was now almost in his face.

I heard bits and pieces of the heated words Jake was throwing at Sam. As he demanded to know what he meant by talking to me like that. Sam just stood there, until Jake reached a certain point, then Sam held up his hand.

"Jake, you need to calm down," Sam said, in a soothing tone.

"You have no right talking to here like that. She can come to La Push if she wants to. This place isn't governed by Marshall law. And it's none of your business who she dates, so if she wants to date me, you stay out of it," Jake shouted at Sam.

I was so afraid something bad was going to happen and then when I heard what Jake said, it dawned on me that Sam had actually been giving me a warning to stay away from Jake. My hands began to shake again and I was angry that he would tell me something like that. And all I could ask myself was why?

"Jake, you'll understand soon enough why I said those things. I'm just trying to protect you, protect her, that's what I do. I protect those around me. That's what we do," Sam said, looking as though he had been washed with defeat, only to shake it off, and come back stronger than ever.

"Protect? All I see you doing is causing trouble," Jake countered.

"That. Is. What. I. Do. What we do. We are protectors!" Sam finally concluded with a shout.

"I don't care what you are, or what you think you are. You're not going to talk to her that way," Jake spat out, and stepped even closer to Sam and I noticed that Jake was shaking now, from his balled up fists at either side of his body, all the way up his arms.

Sam seemed to be surveying the situation then turned and walked over to the truck. He ducked and peered in at me placing his hands on the side of the door frame, and I immediately shrunk back deeper into the cab.

"I'm sorry if you took what I said wrong Bella. I just want you to be careful. That's all. I know I can't stop you from coming to La Push, but just be careful. Okay?"

"Okay," was the only word that would form and it came out in barely a whisper.

Then Sam turned and looked back at Jake, who had followed and was right beside him.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I'm only trying to help," he said, then he was walking back toward the woods and disappeared.

Jake climbed back into the truck and looked at me.

"Bella. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you had to face this today, especially since you came here on such giving terms."

I breathed out a heavy sigh, and for Jake's sake, tried to brush it off. I wished like everything that I hadn't started crying and had not let him see how upset I was.

"I'm fine, but thanks for standing up for me," I said, rubbing my hand against his arm.

He cranked back up and drove back to his house. When we got there, he slid out and took my hand, pulling me out the driver's side door with him. Then we started walking toward his house, but I pulled against his hand and made him stop.

"Jake. I better go home. I....."

"No way. I'm going to go try my cookies, and I want you to come in with me. I want to see what kind of cook you really are," he said, smiling just slightly at me.

So with that statement, we both tried to put on our best face and went inside. Billy was still watching the news when we came in. He looked up and must have been able to sense something immediately, because his smile faded when he saw my face. My eyes, I'm sure were red from crying.

"What's up guys? Jake, where are the milk and bread? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, he left the bag in my truck. I'll get it," I said and sprinted back toward the door, not wanting to hear what Jake had to say to Billy.

When I came back in, Jake was to the part where he confronted Sam, and I saw a worried look cross Billy's face. I walked through the room and went into the kitchen, putting the milk in the refrigerator, and placing the bread on the counter.

As I walked back in, Jake was raising his voice, as he expressed how disappointed he was with Sam's behavior.

"It is none of his business dad. Besides, Charlie and Bella are welcome here anytime they want to come. Don't you agree?"

Jake had said his dad seemed to be leaning more toward Sam's side on this strange turn of events that had been happening, so I was curious to see what his reply would be. I mean, after all, he and my dad had been long time friends, and I was his daughter, if that counted for anything.

"Jake, you are exactly right. They are more than welcome here anytime, not only at our home, but in La Push too. I think Sam used a poor choice of words and maybe conveyed himself inappropriately to Bella. I'll have a talk with him about his behavior tomorrow. Now Bella, don't you worry a thing about what Sam said, he was out of line. Are you okay?"

I felt so bad being the center of this discussion and I wanted nothing more than to leave and get back home, where I could worry in private, but I was still here, so I had to at least say something.

"It's okay Billy. I'm fine," I whispered, looking down at the floor.

Billy rolled over to where I was standing, and took my hand in his, looking up at my tear stained face. Hey you have to cheer up and remembered why you came. Don't you have something to give Jake?"

I smiled a bit at him and said yes, then took Jake by the hand as we went into the kitchen. Jake and I sat down at the table, and I opened the container. He smiled when he saw the large amount of cookies waiting for him, then reached in and took out a chocolate chip one.

He first smelled of it, then closed his eyes, as he took his first bite. I held my breath hoping he liked them, and waited, but he never said a word. After he had eaten the entire cookie, and opened his eyes again, I looked at him for some sign that he at least liked it.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"It was, what's the word I'm looking for?" he said, rubbing his chin, "sinful. Yeah that's it. That one was sinful. Now, I need to try the other kind. You did say you made two kinds, right?"

I nodded and moved the container closer to him, as he took out a second cookie, this time an oatmeal raisin one. He went through the same dramatic process and by now I was laughing and shaking my head. I could tell he was trying to make me feel better after everything that had happened, and I thought he was such a hero, trying to save the day.

"Okay. It's official. You're a great cook," he said, smiling at me with his bright reassuring smile.

"So which one do you like best?"

He reached over and took my hand in his, rubbing it with his large thumb, "you should know which one I like the best by now," he said, while broadening his smile.

I tilted my head to the side and looked at him thoughtfully trying to decipher what he had said, but he just winked at me, and said he liked them both, but that chocolate chip had always been his favorite.

He ate a couple more of each type, then rubbed his stomach, "I won't need anything else until I have my midnight snack," he said and we both laughed. Billy was right. There may not be any left by tomorrow.

I pushed my chair back and suddenly felt sad because I hadn't been able to spend time with Jake enjoying his company due to the strange happenings of the afternoon, but I knew I needed to get back home because it would be dark soon.

Jake stood up and pushed his chair up to the table, and took my hand.

"Come on then. I'm driving you home," he said, as we started walking toward the living room.

"Jake, but I need my truck for school. I can't....you can't...."

He held his hand up as he reached for the phone, gently letting my hand slide from his.

"I'm not letting you drive home alone after all that happened today. I'm calling Embry and Quil to come over, and they can bring your truck to Forks. Embry has his regular driver's license," he said, as he finished dialing the last number.

I just looked over at Billy and he smiled, giving me a firm nod. My guess was that I was out voted, so I let Jake finish his call. He told Embry to grab Quil and come over and that he needed them to drive my truck to Forks and that he would explain later. There wasn't any argument from the other end of the conversation, none that I could detect anyway, and I thought that Jake's friends must be very close to him if he could ask such a favor and they would comply like that.

Jake hung up the phone, turned to me and held out his hand, "the keys Miss Swan," he said, and I pulled them out of my pocket, laying them in his palm.

"Dad, here are the keys, will you tell Embry to be careful with it, just as if it were my own, when he gets here? And tell him I'll break a bone or something if he messes up," he said, giving his dad a playful wink.

Billy assured him he would and told us goodbye. Jake ran back to the kitchen and grabbed two more cookies before I could reach the front door, and I smiled at him pleased that he liked my _thank you _offering.

We climbed into Jake's Rabbit and he pulled out, turning toward Forks. It was quiet for a few minutes and I was wondering what Jake was thinking. I had too much to process to be thinking any one thing in particular, so my thoughts were just bouncing around from one to the other. I was surprised when something random slipped out.

"So, did you have a good day at school?" I asked, wanting to break the ice.

"It was okay. I made a hundred on my algebra test, so I guess it was good," he said, with a confident smile.

"Wow. That's great. So, are you and Billy still coming over on Saturday?"

"Sure, sure, we wouldn't miss it. Dad's been talking ever since you called about how he's going to win the bet and he can't wait to have a batch of fish made with Harry's secret fish fry," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Um, thanks for bringing me home, Jake. But you didn't have to," I said quietly.

"I know, but I wanted to. Besides, we didn't get to talk much, so this makes up for some of the lost time."

"Jake?"

"Yes, Bella."

"What did you mean by what you said to Sam?" I whispered, and closed my eyes. I was afraid of what he might say, but more afraid of not knowing what exactly he had meant.

"Oh, um that. I guess you _could_ hear everything. Nothing really. Don't worry about it. He just had no right...."

"Maybe I want to worry about it," I said, interrupting him taking in a deep breath and feeling my chest throb as I opened my eyes.

"No, Bella. You don't need to worry about it right now. We're good and that's all that matters for now," he said, reaching over and pulling my hand onto his thigh.

I felt a shudder run through me, and my breath got caught up in my throat. I wanted to know what he meant. I needed to know, but he was right. Things were good right now, and I suppose that if anything in particular was meant by what Jake had said, time would let us both know.

But honestly, secretly inside my heart, I was cherishing every word he spoke, _"if she wants to date me, you stay out of it,"_ and I replayed them over and over in my mind. There was something there, I knew that now and it was growing like a smoldering ember in the bed of dying coals, but it was warm and comforting and I would let it be nurtured until it was ready to burst into a flame.


	8. Ecosystems

Chapter Eight

Ecosystems

I came back to the present, when Jake pulled into my driveway. The trip had been too short, and we hadn't really talked that much, even though volumes had been spoken silently. But we had enjoyed each other's company and held each other's hands. It was just ashamed that I had to let Jake's go.

"Well, I guess this is it," I said quietly, looking down at our clasped hands.

"Yeah. Um, do you mind if I walk you in? I can say hello to Charlie and let him know that you're okay," Jake asked, seeming concerned.

"Sure, but I'm okay."

"Come on. I'd just feel better if he knows I got you home safely," Jake said, as he got out of the car.

He came around and offered his hand as I was climbing out of the car, then he pulled me close and looked down into my eyes.

"I said I'm okay, Jake. Really," I said, looking back up at him.

He didn't even need to ask. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He smiled at the realization that we were on the same wave length, then pulled me gently toward the house. Jake opened the door, saying, "knock, knock. Charlie, it's us."

"Hey, Jake. What's going on?" Charlie asked as he came to greet us at the door.

"I just wanted to let you know I brought Bella home and that my friend Embry is driving her truck up. He and Quil Ateara should be here shortly. Bella was a bit upset and I didn't want her to drive home alone," Jake said, as he watched Charlie for a reaction.

"So what happened? Bella, Jake, either of you care to share?" Charlie asked, putting one hand on his hip right where his gun usually hung when he had on his rig.

Jake looked at me, and I at him, then we both said, "well," at the same time. We laughed uncomfortably and I looked down at the floor, but then I heard Jake began to speak so I looked back up at him.

"Well, Bella made cookies for me as a thank you for working on her truck. I was at the store, so she drove down to pick me up when she had a little run in with Sam Uley. But I think I've straightened everything out. I don't think there will be any more trouble."

Charlie looked at me, then back at Jake.

"Bella. What do you have to say about this?"

"I'm fine and Jake did as he said. Besides, Sam apologized and it was just a misunderstanding. That's all," I said, looking away from him.

"Well, Jake if you say you took care of it...."

"Yeah Charlie," he said, nodding.

"Okay, well, do you want to come in?" he asked, looking at Jake.

"The guys should be here any minute with Bella's truck, so we'll just wait outside if that's okay?" Jake said, looking in my direction, so I nodded.

"Sure," Charlie replied as he went back to the recliner to resume his nightly television watching.

Jake took my hand and we walked outside. He sat down on the edge of the porch and pulled me down beside him. My mind was trailing back over the things that had happened earlier when Jake spoke up, "it was really good to see you again today, even if it wasn't under the most pleasant circumstance," he said, looking over at me.

"Yeah. I hope you liked the cookies," I whispered.

"They were great, but seeing you was the best part. Bella, um, would you....."

Jake was just about to ask me something, when the guys pulled up in my truck. They both had a look of concern on their faces as the parked and got out.

"Bella, Jake," Quil said, as he nodded an acknowledgment to us both.

"Hey Bella. Nice to see you again. Jake, what's up?" Embry said, handing the keys to my truck to me.

"I'll fill you guys in on the way back home," Jake said, as he stood up.

"Thanks for bringing my truck home guys. I really appreciate it," I said, as I too stood up.

"Well Bella, we better be getting back. I'll call you later to check in," Jake said, as he gave me a quick hug, then turned toward Quil and Embry.

They both smiled and looked like they had been let in on some big secret, before waiving and going to get in Jake's car. I waived back and told them all goodbye, feeling like there was something different between Jake and I for the first time as I watched them drive away.

That night I was just about to climb in bed, when the phone rang and my dad called me downstairs to take the call.

"Hello. Hi Jake. No I'm fine. I was just getting ready for bed. Okay. Sweet dreams to you too. Night," I couldn't help but smile at the idea of Jake calling to check in on me.

I lay in bed and went back over the afternoon and the conversations with Sam, Jake and Billy. I had no idea what Sam was so uptight about. As far as I was concerned, I was as safe, if not safer, in La Push then I was in Forks. I knew that Jake would never let anything happen to me.

Then I remembered again what Jake had told him and how when I had wanted to know what exactly Jake had meant. He told me not to worry about it right now. I had so many questions, but the answers didn't seem to readily fall into place and sleep clouded my thought process.

It was finally Friday and my day seemed to creep by at an unusually slow pace. I wasn't sure if it was because I was uncertain about where I stood going back to La Push, the strange things Sam had said to me, or the fact that I had not excuse for going to see Jake that day. But regardless, I pressed on and made the most of the day, knowing that at least I would get to see Jake tomorrow, if nothing else.

When school was finally over, I gathered my things and walked to my truck with a heaviness about me. I had been so used to going to see Jake, but today I just felt lost. I drove home, not really even thinking, just letting my truck lead the way.

I got everything together and put it all in a pot for the beef stew I was making for dinner, then I pulled out my homework, not that I had much, but I didn't want to have to worry about it over the weekend.

By the time Charlie got home, the stew was ready, and my homework was finished. We ate almost the entire meal in silence, until my dad finally asked what was wrong.

"Oh, nothing," I said, as I began clearing the table.

"Bells. I think I know what's wrong. I think you are missing Jake," he said, and I turned to look at him.

"Dad. You don't know everything you know," was all I came up with, but I knew he was right.

I had just climbed out of the shower, when I heard the phone ringing. I hurried and got dressed in my sleep clothes, then stepped out into the hallway.

"Bella. Are you out of the shower?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Then you have a phone call," my dad called up the stairs.

I went down to the living room and retrieved the cordless telephone. Jake had called to talk and honestly when I heard his voice on the other end, I had so many emotions running through me, but the one that meant the most was the comfort of hearing his voice.

We talked for over an hour about our day, about the car Jake was to work on this weekend, them coming over for dinner tomorrow, and anything else the popped into our minds. I felt relieved after I hung up, and went upstairs to lay across my bed and read The Quileute book.

I thumbed through the book, which was now becoming familiarly worn, looking for something, but I wasn't sure what it was. The thumbing kept bringing me back to the legend of the wolf so I read and re read that part until I fell asleep.

That night I dreamed again of the great wolf coming to me in the mist. Then he disappeared and I felt lost without him again. I sat up in my bed, and got up to walk around for a moment. I felt like I needed to remember something or know something, but I couldn't figure it out but I was so exhausted that I climbed back into bed and fell back to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and the first thing on my mind, was the smile that Jake always gave me. I lay in my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin as I lazily remembered how bright Jake's smile was and how it warmed me.

I finally got up about an hour later and got busy around the house. I vacuumed, dusted, and worked on the coleslaw for dinner, along with making a coconut cream pie. This passed the day for me and when I finally sat down for a moment, I realized how late it was getting.

It was almost three o'clock, so I went upstairs and changed clothes. After all, I wanted to look fresh when Jake and Billy got there. Then I went back downstairs and checked the coleslaw that I had prepared earlier and left in the fridge to marinate. It needed a pinch more sugar, so once I added it, it went to the living room to wait.

It wasn't long before I heard the sound of Jake's car and I jumped up and went to the back door to tell Charlie. He was busy getting the fish fryer ready in the back yard. He told me to have Billy come on back to the back porch.

I made it back to the front door and opened it just as Jake was about to knock.

"Hey, glad you guys could make it. Come on in," I said, moving to the side, so Jake could wheel Billy into the living room.

"My dad's out back working with the fish fryer, he want's you to come out to the porch Billy. I'm going to go mix up the hush puppy batter," I said, and watched as Billy took off down the hall.

"I know the way, you two go talk. Charlie and I have to work out the terms of our wager on the game for later," he said with a laugh.

That left Jake and I standing there. Granted it had only been a day and a half since we had seen each other, but I thought it might as well have been a week or more. I was standing there smiling uncomfortably, with my hands in my back pockets, rocking back and forth on my heels, feeling sort of lost, not knowing exactly what to say, then I remembered the hush puppies.

"Well, you want to go help me make the batter for the hush puppies?" I asked, as I walked past Jake.

But he caught me by the arm, and held firm, turning me around to face him.

"We haven't even really said hello."

Then before I knew it, he had scooped me up in his arms and was giving me a bear hug, with the bag of what I assumed was fish fry dangling at my back. Finally, it felt right again. I let out a heavy breath and heard him inhale as his face buried deep in my hair, "mmm you smell good. I'd almost forgotten how good," he whispered, and I felt a shiver run up my spine as his warm breath caressed the side of my neck.

He lowered me back down, and I sort of stumbled backward, causing him to reach out and grab me, placing his hand on my lower back as he steadied me.

"Hi," I said in true Bella fashion, feeling awkward and knowing that my face was nine shades of red.

"Hi," he said, giving me that Jake smile that made me feel so good.

We walked into the kitchen, he placed the bag on the table while I got out the mix, milk, an onion, some garlic salt, and a chopping board placing them on the counter, as he came to stand beside me, leaning down on one elbow to watch what I was doing.

"So, what have you been up to the last day or so? I've....mi....missed you," I said under my breath, as I started peeling the onion, not wanting to make eye contact with him yet.

"Not much. Some friends and I went for a ride last night. I had two girls in front with me and Quil, Embry, and two others were crammed in the back. My Rabbit was loaded. You should have seen it. It was.....Bella, are you okay?" he asked, coming to grab my hand and pull me to the sink, where he began washing the blood away, where I had just slipped and cut my finger.

I felt my knees getting weak and knew that they were about to buckle, so I leaned over almost into the sink.

"Bella, I was just kidding. I didn't mean for you to hurt yourself. Here, let me get you a wet paper towel. You don't look so good."

I hadn't really heard what he said, but I felt better when a cold paper towel was plastered to my forehead. Then I was being ushered into a chair, and he was wrapping another paper towel around my finger.

He sat down in another chair that he had pulled up in front of me, and applied direct pressure to my finger with one hand and pulled my face up to look at him with the other.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just slipped. The knife just slipped that's all," I replied feebly.

"Did you hear what I said? I was just kidding you. Don't you remember the promise I made you the other day? I didn't have anyone in my car except Quil and Embry and we just went down to the pier to fish. That's all. I was just seeing what you would say. It wasn't very funny, was it?"

I shook my head, still trying to clear the red haze out, and trying to get some fresh air.

"Where's your band aid stash? I know you have to keep some around here somewhere?"

"Um, upstairs in the bathroom in the cabinet under the sink," I said, trying to breathe normally.

He was up and bounding out of the room with those long legs of his and back in no time. He took my hand carefully and tucked it under his arm, blocking my view while he cleaned it and placed a bandage over the cut. Then he let go and kissed my finger.

"There, good as new. I'm sorry. I'll try not to let my mischievous side get the best of me again, especially where you're concerned," he said, looking down at me.

"It's okay. I just don't do blood very well."

"I know, I know. Well, now where were we? You were about to chop the onion. I guess I will have to do it, now that you are wounded," he said, getting up and making his way back to the cabinet.

"No, I have it."

"No, you just sit right there and I'll do it," he said, holding up a hand to stop me.

He took the knife, washed it off, washed his hands, and went to the cutting board. He handled the knife beautifully and I was amazed at how skilled he was with his hands, even chopping an onion. When he had finished, he said, "there. Is that fine enough?" as he looked up at me.

I got up, having fully recovered, and walked over to the cabinet.

"Oh yes, _fine_, just fine," I said, but I think my thoughts were on something other than the onion.

I proceeded then to mix up the batter, adding a dash or two of garlic salt, then stirred in the onions. Once the batter was ready, I placed it in the refrigerator, and took the bag of fish fry Billy had brought and poured some into a bowl.

"I guess we need to see if they are ready for the fish yet," I said, as I started walking out of the kitchen and down the hall with Jake was right on my heals.

"Hey Charlie, thanks for having us over, he called to my dad as we stepped onto the back porch.

"Glad to have you guys, and I know Bells is," my dad said, giving me a great big _dad telling a secret sort of smile._

I just blushed and looked down at the floorboards, fidgeting with my hands behind my back. Jake surprised me by moving closer and wrapping his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close in a playful sort of way, "yeah, she wouldn't admit it, but I think she likes having us around. Don't you Bella?"

"Sure I do," I said, bumping him with my hip, but it didn't phase him, he just laughed and held me tighter.

"I think she came to ask you if you were ready for the fish yet Charlie?" Jake said, trying to fill in where I was obviously lacking in conversation.

"Yeah, I think were about ready. Now Bells, remember what I told you about sprinkling just a dash of water on the fish before dropping it into the mix, then put the pieces on a dry plate and bring them out. The grease is just about ready. Then we'll fry the hush puppies and french fries. I hope you guys are hungry?" Charlie asked, looking around at everyone.

"You know I am," Jake laughed, rubbing his stomach.

So he and I went back into the house and started getting the fish ready. Jake and I made an assembly line of sorts. He would hand me the fish and I would roll it in the mix. This process we repeated until all ten pounds of fish had been coated.

"This stuff smells sort of spicy. Is it good?" I questioned, washing my hands in the sink.

"Heck yeah it's good. Harry sells this stuff every year at the Quileute Days Festival and makes a killing. He won't give it out to anyone during the year, except to my dad, but that's because they always go fishing together. You'll like it. I promise," Jake said, tapping his finger on my nose.

"Ew, you haven't washed your hands yet. Now I smell like a big fish," I said, going to the sink to scrub my nose with lemon-scented soap.

His laughter filled the kitchen and it made me want to laugh. It was so nice to spend time with him again, even if it had only been a day or so since we last were together.

Jake took the fish to my dad, while I stirred the home made coleslaw that I had been marinating in the refrigerator. I was just taking a sample bite, when Jake came back into the kitchen.

"Hey, no fair. I'm starving over here and you're getting to sample the food?" he said with a fake pout.

"Sorry. It's a cook's thing. You get to taste stuff before you serve it to make sure it's good."

"I want a bite," he said, looking at me with pleading, innocent, eyes.

"Okay, grab a spoon from the drawer there," I said pointing to the drawer behind him.

But he didn't comply. Instead, he came over and took my hand, dipping the spoon I had just used back into the small bowl of slaw I had scooped out. He filled the spoon full and brought it slowly to his mouth, with my hand still attached to the spoon.

I had a new round of butterflies taking flight in my stomach and I know I've never felt anything like this before. Ever. Not even at the auto part's store when I thought how Jake was planning out each of my trips back to him.

After taking the slaw off of the spoon, he slipped it out of his mouth but held onto my hand as he brought it down in front of us. I just stared, probably with my mouth hanging open and what he had just done, and watched as he carefully chewed his sample.

"Oh, Bella, that was wonderful," he whispered, and I thought to myself that I would never be able to look at coleslaw the same way again, maybe not ever, without feeling those butterflies. "You really are a wonderful cook. Do you know that?" he asked.

"Thanks," I said in a whisper, still staring at his lips.

I had to snap out of it though when my dad started calling for us to bring out the hush puppy mix and the fries. I got them out of the refrigerator and freezer and Jake helped me carry them out back. We brought the fish back so we could put in the oven to keep it warm while the other things cooked, but I saw Jake snitch a piece before he slid onto the oven rack.

He looked up at me like he'd been caught, and broke his piece in half, holding the other up to me as a bribe. I smiled and reached for the piece, but he pulled it back and shook his head "no." I thought he wanted to share, now, but I was hurt. But his intentions were known in the next few seconds as he brought the piece of fish up to my lips and held it there. He wanted to feed it to me.

I blushed and smiled at the same time, and as my lips parted slightly, he started pushing the fish into my mouth. I had to open up, or he would have gotten it all over me. So, I stood there and let him fed me the piece of fish. And again, I though that I'd never look at fried fish again without it bringing a smile to my face.

"Mmm, it is good," I said, as the flavor mingled in my mouth.

"It _sure_ is," Jake said, drawing out the word sure a little longer than should be expected, and he was now smiling with a glow of confidence on his face.

I got the plates ready, still smiling to myself at Jake's silly antics, and withing a few minutes we were all seated around our dinning room table, enjoying some of the best fish, coleslaw, and hush puppies I had ever eaten in my life. Whether it was the company, the fact that the majority of the meal was cooked outside, or Harry's secret ingredients in the fish fry, I'm not sure, but I smiled as I thought that it might be the first on my list and when I looked up Jake was smiling too.

I'm not sure how they did it, but all ten pounds of fish was eaten, along with everything else. As I got up to start clearing things away, I remembered the coconut cream pie I had made, "I don't know where anyone would put it, but I made a coconut cream pie for dessert, if anyone's interested," I said looking around the room at the stuffed bodies before me.

"Bells, I think I'm gonna wait a little while on mine," Charlie said, as he got up and came to kiss me on the cheek, "thanks for everything though, it was all good."

"Bella, I think I'll have to pass right now too. I'm stuffed," Billy said, as he rubbed his stomach.

"That's okay Bella. I'll just have two slices then, and make up for them not having any," Jake announced and I about fell over.

"Where on earth will you put it Jacob Black?" I asked looking at him like he was crazy.

"What? I'm a growing young man. I need all the energy I can get. Besides, I would never turn down a woman and her pie," he said, winking at me while he leaned back in his chair, and laced his hands behind his head.

"Well, you two eat all the pie you want, but Billy and I are going to the living room to retire for the evening. No, I take that back. You better not eat all of it Jake. Billy and I will want a piece in about an hour," Charlie said laughing as he pushed Billy into the next room.

So I sliced Jake two large pieces of pie, sat them in front of him, and began cleaning the kitchen. I was washing the dishes when I heard Jake exclaiming his approval of the pie, "this is wonderful. I don't think I've ever had a homemade coconut cream pie. We just buy the frozen type, if we get one," Jake said, and I turned to see him smiling as another bite went into his mouth.

"Thanks Jake. I'm glad you like it."

I was washing the last of the dishes, when I felt him standing beside me.

"Aren't you going to have any?"

"No, I think I'll wait too. I ate too much," I said, as I rinsed my hands.

"Will you have my last bite then? Just this one little bite?" Jake asked, as he moved the fork up to my mouth.

I looked at him from under my lashes and I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks, but I slowly opened my mouth as he fed me the last bite of his pie. It was good pie, and Jake was so sweet, that if I hadn't really concentrated, I think I might have let out a moan, but instead, I took the plate and fork from him, washed and rinsed them, then placed them in the drainer and dried off my hands.

We went upstairs to my room, while our dad's took their places in front of the television. I asked Jake if he wanted to watch the game, but he insisted on spending time away from the yelling groupies.

"So what have you been up to the past couple of days?" he asked looking around my room.

"Not much, just homework and housework, the usual stuff."

"Um, speaking of homework. I don't suppose you have any ideas for identifying ecosystems, do you?" he asked, looking at me with a hopeful plea.

"Is that your project that is due Monday?"

He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well have you chosen one yet? An ecosystem?"

"Not exactly, I just couldn't think of anything interesting. None of the examples the teacher gave caught my eye."

"Well, let's just think of what we have around here. There's the ocean, or what about the forest? Yeah the forest," I said, getting excited and jumping up motioning for him to come with me.

"I guess I waited too late to talk about this. It's already getting dark. We wouldn't be able to see anything right now."

"Come on silly. This will make it more interesting. We will use our ears instead of our eyes. Come on," I said, tugging him by the hand.

So we crept downstairs, being careful not to disturb our dads. Not that we would need permission to go outside or anything, but this made it more fun, and went out the back door. Jake took my hand as we walked to the edge of the forest and stopped.

"Okay. Let's just sit down here, and we will let nature talk to us," I said, as I sat down on the soft cool grass. We were fortunate that it hadn't been raining for a few days, so the ground itself was dry.

Jake plopped down beside me and let his arms drape loosely over his knees that were bent up in the shape of an "a," and I pulled my knees up under my chin.

"Okay. Now what?" Jake asked.

"Let's see. If you use the forest as your subject, let's listen to what might be out there. Jake, close your eyes and tell me what you hear?"

He did as I suggested, but I kept my eyes open. I wanted to watch him. There was a full moon out and it shown down on us and his features were illuminated in the bright moonlight. His jaw clenched as he seemed to be thinking about something, then he relaxed and started talking.

"I hear the crickets and frogs," he said.

"Hum, what else?" I asked absent mindedly, as I contemplated reaching out to remove the leather string that held his soft black hair in place.

He went on to name a few other creatures that he heard and I was so absorbed in looking at him, that I apparently didn't hear him ask me a question, so he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me. He caught me staring at him red handed. My face must have been so red but I quickly looked away, hoping that he couldn't tell in the moonlight.

"Okay. It's your turn," he said softly.

Well at least it was my escape from feeling guilty that I had been staring at him. So I nodded, closed my eyes, and leaned back placing my palms on the ground beside me, slightly lifting my head in the air, so I could listen more carefully.

"Mmm, I hear an owl. Do you hear it, Jake?"

"Uh huh, I hear it," he said, very softly this time.

"I can faintly hear the river bubbling over the rocks. So there is the water source for your ecosystem. I can also hear what sounds like a squirrel," I said laughing, "hear that chattering sound?"

"What else Bella? Tell me everything you hear," Jake said, so I listened, and a few seconds passed, maybe even a minute or two.

"I um, I hear breathing," I said as I opened my eyes.

He was right there. His face inches from mine. His breath was warm as it touched my face. Should I pull away, I thought? What's he doing? Was he going to ki....kiss me? I wasn't entirely afraid of being this close. We had touched, and held hands, and embraced on more than one occasion. We had even been almost this close that day at the beach, but there was something different about now, and I felt something stir inside of me.

My heart was racing like when you're on a roller coaster going down the long drop at the top and my stomach felt the same, like when it drops and you think you left it at the top. What was he doing to me? Why was I feeling this way?

I didn't move. I just sat there waiting to see what happened. It was obvious he was testing the waters to see if I would pull away, or if I was going to tell him no, but I wasn't. I realized that I wanted him to kiss me more than anything. I wanted to know what he felt like.

Almost instinctually, I reached up and pulled the leather string, letting his hair fall down his back and over his shoulder. He moved a bit closer and looked from my eyes to my lips, then back again, and then I felt him as I closed my eyes.

The most incredible feeling washed over me, as his soft, full lips touched mine. He was so warm. I never knew kissing someone could make you feel so warm. My only other kisses had been with Edward and even the thought of his lips on mine made me shiver. I felt sad, but only for a moment, as I thought of what I had been missing, then I pressed my lips a little closer to Jake's.

As I did though, he leaned against me, and moved his hand to the back of my head, and we went down, down against the cool dew lined grass, with his hand as a barrier between my head and the earth.

His lips moved with slow precision over mine and I was eager to return the movements. I let one hand rest against his firm chest, and the other I let venture up to his hair that was falling like a black satin drape all around us. I felt of his ear through his silk like strands and I thought he made a faint sound, but I wasn't sure.

He moved his free hand up to gently caress my cheek as he expanded our kiss, opening his lips slightly to pull playfully at mine. As he pulled back slowly, I opened one eye and looked up at him. I was checking to make sure this was real and not some dream that I _didn't_ want to wake up from. And there he was, smiling down at me, with that smile. I'd never be able to look at that smile of his again without remembering this night.

But our moment of discovering each other was disturbed by the lonely howl of a wolf in the distance, and it bothered Jake.

"Maybe we should go back inside, Bella," he spoke softly against my lips.

"Um, sure," I said, not wanting to lose the closeness we had just shared.

So he got up and reached back down offering me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up so I was standing in front of him. He still held my hand to his chest between us, and I wanted to say something, but I couldn't make the words come out.

He ran his hand over my hair, brushing it off, then we started back toward the house. We walked quietly in through the back door and Jake motioned for us to go back upstairs. When my door was closed behind us, he let go of my hand and went over to my bed, setting down on the edge.

"So," he said looking up at me.

I think he was worried that what had just happened was too soon. I mean, after all, I was still having my bad days, even though they were getting fewer.

"So," I said, going over to my bed and sitting down at the head, so I could turn and look at him.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Mm uh," I managed to choke out.


	9. Open Mouth, Insert Both Feet

Chapter Nine

Open Mouth, Insert Both Feet

Jake looked nervous now and actually I was starting to get that way too. What if he hadn't meant to do that? What if he was regretting kissing me already? I looked down at the pillow I had pulled into my lap and I was twisting the fringe around my finger until it turned blue. Then his hand was on mine and he moved closer to me on the bed.

Looking down at his face I began searching his eyes for some sign of regret, but all I saw were the most beautiful dark-brown eyes I'd ever seen. I saw things in his expression that I've never noticed before and when he gently took my hand and pulled the fringe from around my finger I knew he had no regrets for what had just happened.

"Bella. I need to know you are okay, with _that—_with what we just did. Tell me how you feel right now."

I made a sound which was a cross between a nervous laugh and a hiccup I think and suddenly felt very vulnerable and exposed. But he was there and he was warm and he still wanted to be near me so I took a deep breath and got lost in his gaze as softly poke softly trying to tell him how I felt.

"I'm okay. _That_ was amazing. You're....you're amazing, Jake. I don't deserve to have someone like you...."

"Hey. I'll take the first part of what you were saying, but I'm not going to listen to the negative talk," he said, inching closer to me and giving me that smile.

"Okay. Okay," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm good Jake, really good, right now. How are you?"

He let go of my hand and reached over to touch my face. I wanted him to hold me so bad right then. I needed to feel his arms around me to let me know everything was going to be okay between us. I couldn't help feeling like this, after all, the _last_ time I had let myself get too involved with someone that someone left. This was a big step for me. But I kept telling myself that Jake was so different from Edward and he had already proved that to me on more than one occasion.

"I'm glad your okay, because I've been wanting to do _that_ for a while now. I've wanted to kiss you for a long time Bella, but no one's in a rush here. I'm not going anywhere and we can just take this slow. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure. I guess so," I said, as my voice shook.

I didn't know what he meant. Did this mean we were a thing—together now? Did he just want to kiss me to get it out of his system or what? Why do I always have to complicate things, I screamed at myself in my thoughts?

Jake brushed his hand across my check once more then he looked over at my night stand and nodded his head toward my book on The Quileutes, "you're still reading that I see," he said, reaching over and picking it up.

He fingered the book for a moment, then opened the pages until he came to the spot I had marked a day or so ago, and began to read, "certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart. You have this spot marked. Have you been reading it a lot?" he asked, smiling at me.

Why did he have put _me _on the spot? Of course I had been reading it. I felt like it kept him close to me at night and I felt like I was learning more about him. But did I have to confess everything to him right now?

"I like that passage. It's nice," I said, looking down at the book in his hands.

"That's nice. That's _very_ nice to know," he said as he stretched out on his side across my bed letting his eyes settled on mine.

I had to get us moving in a different direction, so I brought up the project, "so what about your project? Do you think you'll have enough information to get it ready?"

"Yeah. Thanks to you," he said winking at me. "I guess I'll spend the morning working on it tomorrow and the afternoon working on the car I told you about. That about wraps up _my_ day," he said with a huff, as he flopped over on his back on my bed.

"What's that about?" I asked, poking him in the ribs with my foot.

"I had hoped I might get to see you again tomorrow, but I guess I'll have to settle for a phone call tomorrow evening, if that's okay?" he asked, looking at me with sad eyes.

"I understand. I'm sure I can find something to keep me occupied."

Then he looked concerned as he propped back up on his elbow.

"And _what_ are you going to be doing?"

This was my chance to pay him back for earlier, I thought, so I got up and walked over to my closet. I pulled out a pretty pink dress and held it up in front of me, like I was seeing how it looked in the mirror.

"I might look up that quarterback, Mike Newton, that I told you about. He's been after me to go out with him," I said, as I teased him looking out from under my lashes.

He sat straight up on my bed, got up and came over to stand in front of me. He took the dress from me and laid it on the rocking chair as he took my hand and pulled me close to him.

"You don't do it as well as I do, but it still isn't nice. I promised I wouldn't do that to you ever again, will you promise me the same?"

"Gotcha," I said laughing softly, but I could tell he was serious.

Just then, we heard Charlie calling from down stairs saying Billy was ready to go. I didn't want the night to end so soon and if the heavy sigh was any indication, Jake didn't either.

"Bells, I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I hope you won't forget tonight. It really meant a lot to me," he said, then kissed me on the forehead.

I looked at him tilting my head to the side.

"What?"

"You called me Bells," I said, feeling my cheeks redden.

"I know. I heard Charlie call you that earlier and I like it. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, I don't mind. And Jake, about tonight, it meant a lot to me too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Bells."

We walked down stairs together and Charlie and I told Jake and Billy good night as they left to go home. Billy declared that the next get-to-gather would be at their house and we accepted. Charlie and I talked about the game for a few minutes, then I went upstairs for a shower. I needed time to think about tonight.

The water splashed and warmed my skin. My mind was adrift on the feeling I had when Jake's lips were on mine. _I had actually wanted him to kiss me._ I had let myself began to feel again and the thought how my actions scared me to death, but then on the other hand, I didn't want to let life pass me by and with someone as wonderful as Jacob Black in my life, I just couldn't—I wouldn't let that happen.

Jake had made me feel things tonight that I'd never felt before, not even with Edward and I marveled at what made this relationship, because that's what it was even if it was just a very, very, good friend type of relationship—which it wasn't, I knew in my heart it was more, so different.

Turning off the shower, I finished getting ready for bed and climbed under the cover—cover that just minutes earlier Jake had been sitting on with me. I ran my hand over the leather binding of my book, and traced over the same spots Jake had touched. I felt silly for a few minutes, but then I decided that it didn't matter, I liked feeling of what he had just touched.

The next morning, I got up and washed the sheets from mine and Charlie's beds, sorted laundry, and made a meatloaf for dinner. I knew the rest of the day I would be lonely, so after Charlie left to go fishing, I called Angela to see if she had plans for the afternoon.

She wasn't doing anything either and suggested that we go to Port Angeles to pick up some new cd's. I accepted the invitation, considering I was now listening to music again, and made plans to meet her after one o'clock at her house.

Angela and I had a good time in Port Angels. We picked up some new music, went to several stores just window shopping, so to speak, grabbed a soda, and I made it back home in time to get dinner ready for Charlie around five-thirty.

"What you do today kiddo?" he asked, as he washed up at the kitchen sink.

"I finished the laundry this morning and went to Port Angels with Angela Webber this afternoon. We bought some new cd's. How was your day?"

"Well, not as exciting as yours. We didn't catch much at all."

I got dinner ready, we ate, and I was just finishing cleaning the kitchen when the phone rang. I had thought about Jake on and off all day, missing him terribly, so I held my breath hoping that it was him on the line.

Letting out a long sigh, I climbed the stairs, phone in hand, after I heard his voice on the other end. He sounded tired and said he had been working on his project and the car all day, but that he was calling it quits for now. He wanted to know about my day, and listened as I told him about my trip.

Jake and I talked for over an hour when we both decided it was getting late. I told him goodbye and we planed to talk again the next day. I got ready for bed, and settled in for the night, again reading my book, before falling asleep.

I drifted into my dream world and was lost in the mist, completely alone. I began to panic and feel like there was no way out, then I saw those eyes. Those dark brown, beautiful eyes. The eyes that had comforted me and made me feel accepted and loved, and as they got closer, I saw the fur and realized that it was the wolf, my lone guardian. He approached, this time closer than ever before, until at last I was brushing my hand over his long russet fur and I fell asleep laying next to him in the forest as he curled up into a ball and shielded me from the night.

The sun was just beginning to come up when I opened my eyes. The first thing I did was smile to myself at the peaceful dream I was remembering, then I pulled myself up and got out of bed, not ready yet, but reluctantly starting my Monday.

I went to school, finished the day, and came home. My homework was first, dinner was second, and a nice long phone call from Jake, was last and most important of the day. We talked again that night for over an hour, before I had to get ready for bed.

The next day was much the same as the day before, and it wasn't until it was finally Wednesday and school was over for the day that I began to think of a reason to go see Jake. I walked aimlessly to my truck, thinking things over, and fondly remembering last Saturday. I really wanted to see him again, considering we had only been talking on the phone each night, and I knew I needed to see him.

So, I decided it was time for me to have my truck checked out, after all he did say for me to bring it down once a week so he could keep an eye on it for me. The next thing I knew, I was in my truck and turning down my favorite road toward La Push. I thought I could probably see Jake for a few minutes then be back home in time for Charlie to get home for dinner.

When I got to Jake's house, I pulled around to his garage and stopped when I saw his friends Quil and Embry, peering at me from inside the garage. I killed my truck, climbed out, and slammed the door behind me, feeling like I was intruding on some guy thing, but I didn't see Jake anywhere, so I decided to make light of the situation.

"Hey guys. I hear this is the home to one of the best mechanics around? Is that true?" I asked with a smile.

They both looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Boy, does he have you buffaloed," Quil said, running his hand through his short dark hair, as he winked at me.

"What did he do, Bella? Tell you he had to do routine maintenance on your truck or something?" Embry said, with a big grin on his face.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked, suddenly feeling worried, "does he tell all the girls that?"

"No. Just the pretty ones," Quil said, as he walked over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me into the garage.

"Quil," Embry said, in a warning tone as he cleared his throat, but to no avail.

"So where is Jake?" I asked as Quil walked me into the garage and over toward the work bench.

"Oh, he's around. He'll be back in a few minutes," Quil said, with a broad self-assured smile on his face.

He and Embry were both quite handsome, but they couldn't hold a candle to Jake. I bet all the girls knew that, and probably all came here to get their cars and trucks serviced. That wasn't a picture I wanted to have floating around in my head for some reason and it was really beginning to bother me.

Embry must have noticed my facial expression, and seeing as how he seemed to be more of the sensitive type, he spoke up, "don't worry Bella. He's not been doing and any _routine maintenance _since, you've been coming around," he chuckled.

"But this is something he's done before?" I asked shyly.

They both started laughing and Embry looked me in the eye, "no, I just had a hunch that Jake might tell you something like that," he assured me.

When we reached the work bench we stopped and started talking about Jake, my truck, and various things when I heard a car pull up, and a car door slam. I jumped and started trying to pull away from Quil's friendly arm, when I tripped and fell backwards, only to be caught in Embry's tight grasp, just as Jake walked into the garage.

I looked up at him from my upside down viewpoint and noticed that he had a look of, well what looked like jealousy on his face, or at least it looked like that from where I was, almost on the floor with Embry's arms wrapped around me looking at him upside down.

Embry slowly raised me up to standing position and looked abashed as he lowered his gazed and whispered "sorry."

Before I turned around to face Jake, I looked at Embry who was as red in the face as I was, and I reached out and touched his arm again.

"Embry, are you okay? You are so hot?" I asked feeling somewhat concerned. I'd never felt anyone that hot before in my life.

He inched his arm away from me and looked at Jake, then back at me, " I'm fine Bella," he whispered.

If I hadn't felt how hot Embry was and seen the look on Jake's face, it might have been a funny moment, but right now it wasn't.

"Does anyone care to explain what's going on here?" Jake asked in a husky voice, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hi Jake. I came to have my truck looked at. You wanted me to bring it down every week. Remember?" I reminded him, rocking back and forth on my heels.

"That part I sort of figured out, but why were you doing the Tango dip with Embry here?"

"I was turning around and I fell and Embry somehow caught me," I answered bashfully.

Jake looked from me to both Embry and Quil, who shook their heads yes indicating that it was the honest to goodness truth, then Jake seemed to loosen up and began smiling.

"I can't leave the three of you alone for a minute can I?" he laughed, as he came over and gave me a big bear hug and whispered in my ear, "I've missed you."

When he put me down, he went over and slapped Embry on the shoulder holding his hand there for a few minutes, before looking at him.

"Embry you are warm. Bella was right. Are you feeling okay, man?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Jake," Embry said, rather sharply and shrugged himself out from under Jake's grip, which seemed rather odd for Embry. He always seemed so laid back.

"Well, Embry, now that you have groped Jake's girl, why don't we be moseying along?" Quil suggested, and the two of them told Jake and I goodbye, getting out of there before Jake could do bodily harm.

There was an awkward silence in the garage for a few minutes, then I remembered what the guys had said about Jake working on other girl's vehicles.

"So, Jake. How many girls do you have lined up for regular maintenance?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets.

The look on his face was that of panic, horror, confusion, and I don't know what else, and it wasn't until he broke out in laughter that I realized how that had sounded coming out of my mouth. First I nearly fall and wind up in the arms of his best friend, then I open my mouth and insert both feet.

"What.....Bella...."

"I...um.....that didn't......oh I can't believe it came out like that. It's all their fault," I said, feeling my face turning violently red from embarrassment as I stormed past him heading back for my truck.

But as I passed by, he caught me, turned me around to face him, and began walking me backwards, stepping closer to me with each step and as he walked his legs were getting farther apart, until I was up against the front of my truck—the heat from its radiator at my back, and the heat from Jake at my front.

"Now where are you going? And what's all this talk about _providing regular maintenance?_ What did those two tell you?" Jake asked, leaning down so that his soft black hair was brushing against my cheek.

My breathing was ragged. I was mad at myself for the comment I had made and mad at Quil and Embry for starting it, and overwhelmed by being this close to Jake. I had to think of something to say, but I was on the verge of being completely out of it.

"Ja.....ke."

Then his arms were wrapping around me, his legs apart so that he was down much closer to my eye level, and his body pressing against mine as he leaned back against my truck.

"Yours is the only vehicle that will be getting my full, undivided attention to detail, except for my neighbors and most of them are old. That truck and I belong together and I'm going to take such good care of it, just like _it...were....my....own,_" he said, as his breath fanned against my lips on the last four words.

His lips. I couldn't take my eyes off them, remembering, wanting, wondering. Then, as if he knew what I was thinking, he barely pressed his lips to mine for one fleeting moment, not even long enough for the taste to linger on my mouth, and he pulled away.

Forget the roller coaster sensation I felt the last time, now I felt like I was free falling from an airplane, but not without a parachute, because he was there and he was well aware of what he had just done to me and I thought he was being rather smug with the whole incident. Taking my anger and embarrassment and turning it all around until I was a bundle of nerves in his arms.

He smiled down at me, as he pulled away, but being the parachute that he is, he kept his arm around my shoulder as he joined me leaning his back against the front of my truck, never letting me go—never letting me fall too far.

"I don't.... Quil, Embry...they..."

"Bells, don't ever listen to them, only listen to me. Promise?" I shook my head okay, then he continued. "I'm glad you came by today, I've been wanting to talk with you, but I wanted it to be in person. My dad and I want you and Charlie to come over for dinner on Saturday night. Dad want's to see if he can win that five dollars back at a game of cards. He's never gonna give up," Jake said, shaking his head, "and," he hesitated, "I was wondering if you might like to go to the movies in Port Angeles maybe the following Saturday?"

"You mean like a da....."

"Yep. I mean like a date," he said, then turned back to look at me.

My heart stopped with a strong thud against my chest wall. He was asking me out on a date. First he kisses me, then he sort of kisses me again, and now he's asking me to go on a date with him. I was at a loss, but I would not miss this opportunity. I would not let something wonderful in my life pass me by.

Jake was becoming more and more a part of who I was and if that meant that our friendship was evolving into something more, then that's where it should be going, because something that feels this right could not be wrong.

"Jake. I don't know what to say. I mean, are you sure about this?"

"I am Bells. I hope you'll...."

"Yes, Jake. I'd love to go to the movies with you," I said, cutting him off in mid sentence.

"Good. Now that we've got that settled. Let me take a look at my baby," Jake said, eyeing me up and down as he walked to the driver's side door, opened it, and popped the hood to the truck.

I still wasn't able to move. He had rendered me helpless, so instead of moving me, he just reached behind me, brushing his hand all the way across my back, dipped down low reaching under the space of the hood, and popped the latch open. Then he pulled me away with one arm, while he lifted the hood with the other, then leaned me back against the truck.

He then went to his work bench, picked up one of his red rags and walked back over to the truck, leaning down above the motor.

"Mmm, nice."

I finally snapped out of my _Jacob Black daze_ and turned around to look at him. He was smiling as he looked at the motor of my truck.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking they don't make them like this any more."

Was he talking about my truck, or talking about me, I wondered? But regardless, he was giving my truck the attention it needed, so I watched in awe of his skilled hands, as he tinkered with different parts, and checked the oil and all the other fluid levels.

"So, what's the verdict Mr. Black?"

"I think it's passed its weekly inspection," he said, wiping his hands on the rag.

After that, we somehow ended up sitting in the front seat of my truck. Jake wanted to know what kind of music I had picked up over the weekend. I asked what grade he had made on his project. He made an A+, by the way and attributed it all to my help. I just smiled and thanked him, but I was really remembering _that_ night.

When it was finally time for me to go home, Jake gave me a kiss on the forehead and I hugged him tight before saying goodbye. As I climbed into my truck, Jake closed the door and had me roll down window. He always did like to say one more thing before I could leave.

"Okay then, I guess I'll see _you_ on Saturday night. And this time you get to spend the evening in _my _room," he said, giving me a seriously devilish smile.

"I'll be looking forward to it," I said, and then I cranked my truck and pulled out of his garage.

I was glad I had come today. And I thought about our plans for the next two weekends. That would be three in a row that we would have been together and I couldn't have been any happier.


	10. Unwelcome Changes In La Push

Hey everyone, I've found the perfect theme song for this fic and it is amazing. It's an older song, but I wanted to share it with you and see if you thought it went with my story. You can find it here:

hxxp://www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=wAeMvFtpgc8 (change xx to tt and the word "dot" to an actual dot to create the link) I love it and hope you do too. Thanks to everyone who has been reading my story. Also, this chapter is in honor of New Moon, the movie released this week, and what **SHOULD** have been. I love you all!!

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Chapter Ten

Unwelcome Changes In La Push

My mind replayed everything that had happened while I was at Jake's. From the fun Quil, Embry, and I were having, to that sweet moment when Jake softly brushed his lips against mine and I found my fingers trailing along my lips remembering his heat against my mouth.

Then I remembered how hot Embry was. I began to worry about him and wondered what he might have that could cause him to have such a fever. By the time I got home, I had decided that I would call Jake before going to bed, to see if he had heard from Embry. I only hoped that he would be okay.

Charlie hadn't made it home yet, so I made a batch of tuna sandwiches and arranged some carrots, celery, and pickles on a plate with a bowl of ranch dip in the center. I knew if I wanted Charlie to eat some vegetables, I would have to give him something to disguise them with.

"Hey Bells, I'm home," he called, as he went to the hallway to hang up his jacket and gun rig.

"I'm in the kitchen dad."

He finally appeared in the kitchen, after getting washed up and began asking me about my day. I told him I had gone down to La Push, so Jake could look at my truck for it's weekly maintenance, and he practically choked on a stick of celery.

"You know, that Jacob Black is something else. I have to give the boy credit. He sure knows his _mechanical abilities._"

I smiled to myself feeling flattered that Jake would use his skills to keep me coming back to see him and knew that I would probably play right into his plan; I was already in too deep. But the idea of that seemed very appealing.

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Billy wants to take you on at a game of cards this Saturday, so he and Jake have invited us over for dinner. I told Jake we would come, is that okay?"

"Sure. Sounds like I don't have a choice. But it will be nice to put Billy in his place. He never wins when we play cards."

After dinner, I read a chapter for history and finished my math homework, then took a shower and went downstairs to get the phone. I needed to call Jake to check on Embry. When Jake answered the phone, I could tell he seemed worried.

"Jake. Is everything okay? I was calling to check on Embry."

Jake went on to tell me that he had called just a short time earlier and Embry wouldn't talk to him. He said he seemed jittery or something. I knew by the tone of his voice, Jake was worried about him, after all, he was _one_ of his best friends.

We finally called it a night after an hour and a half of talking. Jake said he didn't want to give up hearing my voice, but he knew we had to get to bed because of school the next day. So after I told him bye, I put the phone up and trudged back upstairs to climb into a nice warm bed.

The next morning, it was drizzling and cold when I left for school. By the time I made it there, my truck was just getting warm, so I was naturally freezing. I ran inside and went straight to my locker. I wasn't really in the mood to talk with anyone, so I hoped I could just go onto class.

But as luck would have it, I turned the corner just in time to met Mike and Eric as they were going to their first class.

"Hey Bella, how's it going for you these days?" Eric asked.

"Um good. How are you?"

"Doing good. Hey, have you seen Angela? I need to talk to her," he asked as he began walking past me.

"No, I just got here. I haven't seen her this morning."

Eric told me goodbye and headed toward Angela's locker and I was left there facing Mike.

"You look _really_ great today. You know if I didn't know better, I'd say you had the glow of a woman in _lo._... Nah never mind," he said, and I thought I saw him blushing.

If he was about to say what I thought he was about to say, I might inwardly agree with him. But surely to goodness he wasn't thinking I was happy because I was seeing him this morning. I had to get out of this situation and fast.

"Hey, Mike, I've got to get to class. I'll see you later," I said, as I walked past him, but he stopped me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll see you around. But you do look really happy today and I'm glad," he said, smiling at me like an idiot.

Oh brother, he just didn't get it, I thought, but I quickly slid out from under his hand and went to my first class. As soon as class began, I slid down in my seat and began thinking about where things were going for me. I mean, if it was apparent to Mike that I was glowing, I must be changing more than I had realized.

This was, however, a good thing and I knew that it had so much to do with my new feelings for Jake. He was becoming a very big part of my life and that pleased me greatly. I couldn't help but have a nagging feeling though, in the back of my mind, that something so good couldn't last. But I chose to push those thoughts away and try and be positive.

As the day progressed, classes came and went and by lunch, I was ready to eat and contemplate things some more.

"Bella. Bella, are you actually here, or are you floating around somewhere else right now?" Angela said laughing, as she pulled me back to reality.

"Hey. Sorry, I was just thinking...."

"About a guy, but you haven't told me his name yet," she whispered.

How could everyone tell that I was feeling differently these days? Did I have some flashing neon sign on my forehead that says, _Bella Swan has found something really worth while_, or what, I thought?

"You my dear, are very funny. What, can't I just wake up one morning and think that life is worth living and I'm glad to be in it?"

"Nope. Not with the look on your face that you've been sporting the last few days and something tells me he's not from around here."

Angela and I continued to discuss the _possibilities _of my emotional state, with me never offering any real information, the rest of the lunch break, then it was back to class and a countdown to the end of the day.

I left school that afternoon, wondering if I should go to see Jake or not. With him trying to check on Embry I knew he was very concerned. So, I decided I would go see him in hopes that I might cheer him up.

My mind played over all the possibilities for what could be wrong with Embry while I drove to La Push. I thought of the flu, pneumonia, even typhoid fever, but I knew that one hadn't been around in many years, so I settled on maybe one of the others. But that wouldn't explain his sudden change in personality.

Jake had told me that when he tried to check on him yesterday, he had actually snapped at him and told him to leave him alone. This just didn't seem like the Embry I had met. By the time I made it to Jake's, I had mulled over every disease scenario, but still wasn't satisfied with my conclusions.

I was just about to pull behind Jake's house, near his garage, when I saw him come out onto the front porch, so I stopped and started getting out. By the time I had unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door, Jake was there to greet me.

"Hey, Bells. What are you doing here today? Not that I'm not glad to see you or anything," Jake said, as he pulled me into his arms and held me there.

He hadn't offered me his usual sunny smile and I could tell he was preoccupied, most likely worrying about Embry. I lay my head against his chest and locked my arms around his waist. If nothing else, maybe I could try to get his mind off of his worries.

"I wanted to come check on you and see how he was and to see how you were holding up," I said, taking a deep breath of Jake.

He slowly began pulling away and I could finally see his face again. He looked tired and troubled which made me concerned about him too.

"I'm not sure. Quil and I went to check on him a little while ago but his mom said he had gone out and hadn't come back yet and he didn't go to school today. Quil and I went to a few spots we thought he might be at, but we haven't found him yet. I don't know where he could be and his mom was beside herself," he said, absentmindedly rubbing a few strands of my hair together between his fingers as he thought.

"Have you told Billy what happened today?"

"No, I was just about to go in, when I heard you pull up."

"You want to go talk with him? I'll go with you."

"No. I'll talk to him later. You want to walk down to the beach?"

"Sure, if you're up to it, or I can go if you want to go back out looking for Embry," I offered.

"No. I want...need to see you for a while. I know you can't stay long and it's nice to see you two days in a row so let's go to the beach," he said, finally giving me a half-hearted smile.

"Well yesterday I thought you were concerned about my truck and _wanted_ me to come down here for that?" I asked, trying to cock one eyebrow up like he does sometimes.

"Sure, sure, whatever you think Bells," he replied with a laugh.

He took my hand in his and we started walking toward the beach. If it weren't for this situation with Embry, this would have been an almost perfect moment, just the two of us in our own little world.

"You haven't told me how your day was?" Jake asked, swinging our arms back and forth between us.

"Oh, it was okay. At least I only have some reading to do tonight."

"Yeah, I've got a test in math tomorrow—not much studying to do for it though. Hey, did you talk with Charlie about Saturday? You're both coming, right?"

"Oh, we'll be there. Charlie can't wait to teach your dad a lesson in card playing. Do we need to bring anything?"

"No. Dad and I have it all covered. I'm looking forward to having you alone in my room for several hours. I have some things I want to show you," Jake said, as he stopped walking and pulled me around to face him.

I felt my face turning red, "Jacob Black. I'm not sure I should come. It sounds all to premeditated and _risque _to me."

"No, no. Hey, I'm an upstanding guy. I'd never try to take advantage of a beautiful woman, _especially you,"_ Jake said, trying to look all innocent.

"But you _might _take advantage of another _beautiful_..."

He cut me off by placing his finger to my lips, "no. No one else Bella," he said, looking at me with dark serious eyes.

I knew I shouldn't have pushed the little innuendo, but he had opened the door for that one. But I let it go because I didn't want him to feel any worse than he already did.

We walked until we reached the old driftwood tree on the beach, where we sat down and looked out at the waves. Jake seemed to be less tense now, and I thought that it was probably good for him to come out here for a while.

It had been about twenty minutes since we sat down and started watching the waves and we hadn't really done much talking, so I got up and walked around behind Jake.

"Here, lean against me, and I'll take all your worries away," I said, as I slid my hands under his long black hair and found my way to his bulky shoulders and neck.

"Why Bella Swan, you're not going to take advantage of an under aged adolescent are you?" Jake asked in a husky voice, as he leaned against me.

"No Mr. Black, I'm not and besides you're older than me. Remember? What with you helping me cook Saturday night and all. I'd say you were twenty-five and still counting by now," I said, as I began to rub his tight muscles.

"Oh man, you have no idea how good that feels. Bells, you have magic hands, I...."

"Shh, just relax and let me make it better," I whispered as I kissed the top of his head and continued rubbing his shoulders.

As Jake began to lean into me even more, I could feel some of the tension leaving him. I just wish it could stay like this for him, but something told me it couldn't and that this was the calm before the storm. But I tried not to think about it and just enjoyed being with Jake and helping him.

After a long while, Jake sort of moaned and cleared his throat at the same time, and lay his head back against my chest so he could look up at me. I smiled down at him, "feeling better?" I asked.

He pushed himself up off the tree trunk, turned around climbing over the tree to sit facing me, while he pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me. We just gazed into each other's eyes for a long time, no words being spoken, but we were feeling each other's emotions like we had this connection.

"I'm so glad that we're friends, Bells. You know I'd do anything for you and I'm always going to be here for you? You do know that, don't you?" Jake whispered, as he pulled me against his chest and lay his head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I know Jake. I know," I said, nestling my face into the curve of his neck.

We'd been like that for a few minutes, when we heard someone calling Jake's name. We both looked up to see Quil, running toward Jake.

"Jake. Jake, you're not going to believe this, but I just saw Embry going into the woods behind his house with Sam and the others. I tried to follow them, but they just, well they just seemed to vanish," he said, as he tried to catch his breath.

"Are you sure? It can't be. He felt the same way as we do about Sam," Jake said, sounding hurt and upset.

"I'm sure man. I saw him with my own eyes," Quil assured him, as he rested his hands on his knees, still trying to breathe deep.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I need...."

"It's okay. I understand, but you promise me, promise me that you'll be careful?" I said, moving in front of him.

"I promise and I'll call you later," he said, as he pulled me in for one last tight hug, before running off with Quil down the beach.

I watched for a while, then went back to my truck and drove home. I wasn't sure of what this all meant, but if Sam was involved that made things even more uncertain. Why was he so appealing to these young men, I wondered? And what hold did he have over them?

I was not quite home when a song came on the radio and as the words filled the cab of my truck, it took my breath away. I pulled over to the side of the road and listened to every word the singer said, and thought of how much the song made me think of Jake.

_I cried a tear, you wiped it dry. I was confused, you cleared my mind. I sold my soul, you bought it back for me. You held me up and gave me dignity, somehow you needed me. You gave me strength to stand alone again, to face the world, out on my own again. You put me high, upon a pedestal, so high that I could almost see eternity. You needed me; you needed me. _

_And I can't believe it's you, I can't believe it's true, I needed you and you were there, and I'll never leave why should I leave, I'd be a fool, cause I finally found someone who really cares. You held my hand when it was cold, when I was lost, you took me home, you gave me hope, when I was at the end and turned my lies back into truth again, you even called me friend._

As the song continued, I felt it in my heart, just how much Jake had come to mean to me. The singer was singing my life—my life with Jake. The tears slid down my face slowly, as I realized how lucky I was to have Jake in my life and I vowed right then and there that I would let him love me and I would love him in return, I would let us have a chance, because he was so worth it.

When the song ended, and I regained my senses, I drove home feeling a bit lighter and happier than before, if that was even possible, knowing that Jake was a part of my life. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, but I would wait until the time was right, hopefully soon.

Charlie was getting out of his car when I got home. He came to my truck and opened the door.

"Hey Bells. Where have you been? Hey, are you okay? You've been crying."

"I'm good dad. I'm good. I just heard a song on the radio, that's all," I said, as I got out and slid my arm around his waist, "love you," I said, as we walked inside.

"That must have been _some_ song," he commented, looking back down at me.

"Yeah, it was. So, what sounds good for dinner tonight?"

"How about I take you to the diner tonight? You've been cooking a lot lately and besides, a steak sounds nice."

"Okay, you win," I agreed, and went upstairs to wash my face.

We drove in silence to the diner, went in and ordered, and talked about our day while we waited. After eating we drove back home and I went upstairs to do my homework. When I finished my reading I took a shower, and was just getting ready for bed, when Jake called.

"Hey. Did you find out anything new?" I asked then listened as Jake told me they had confirmed that Embry was hanging around Sam and the others, but that they hadn't been able to talk with him because Sam wouldn't let them near Embry.

He seemed angry, but I tried to tell him not to worry and that I was sure Embry would get away from Sam as soon as he could, regardless of the reasons he was with him now. He just said he couldn't understand why Embry had gone with Sam, when he too couldn't stand the way Sam seemed to control Paul and Jared.

I asked Jake if he had studied for his math test, which he hadn't, so he said he needed to do that before going to bed and that he would talk with me the next day. I told him goodnight, but before I let him go, I said, "Jake, um, I just wanted to say thanks, you know. Just thanks. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, Jake," I said, then I went upstairs and climbed into bed, thinking about _my Jacob_ as I feel asleep.

The next day was Friday, and school actually went by fast. I didn't really have a chance to talk with anyone much, except for Angela during lunch. She was still trying to get me to tell her who had me smiling these days, but I kept changing the subject. I thought, for now, it was best to just keep things to myself.

That night I talked with Jake by phone, he really didn't have anything new to report on Embry, but he was excited about us coming over for dinner the following day. When we finished talking, an hour later, I got my shower and went to bed. That night I dreamed about my wolf protector, walking with me through the forest and out onto the beach. I was afraid someone would see him on the beach and remembered wanting to keep people from seeing him. I was afraid they might try to hurt him.

I woke up the next morning feeling confused and trying to remember bits and pieces of my dream, but I had things to do so I got busy and worked doing my housework and laundry until time to go to La Push.

I changed clothes and brushed my hair, wanting to look nice when we went to Jake's.

"Are you getting fixed up for a reason?" Charlie asked, as he came to tell me it was time to leave.

"No. No reason," I replied and smiled at him as we left.

When we pulled up at Jake's house, he came out to greet us. Charlie looked like he was embarrassed or something, told Jake hello, and went inside. I too felt something different as I stood there with Jake, but I was beginning to understand what it was and why I felt it.

"I'm glad you came," he said, taking my hand in his.

"Did you have any doubt?" I asked giving him a little shove and smiling.

Then he wrapped his arms around me, and I hugged him to me as long as I could.

"Come on, they'll be wondering what's keeping us. Are you hungry? We have roast, potatoes, rolls, and macaroni," he said proudly.

"It sounds good. How much of it did you fix?"

"A lot," he said, poking me in the ribs as we ran into the house laughing.

After we ate, Jake and I cleared the table and washed the dishes, while Charlie and Billy set up their card game at the kitchen table. Jake and I talked quietly and he filled me in on what little information he had about Embry.

He told me that he had been seen a couple times near the woods and that his mom was still beside herself, but that the council had gone to her house and talked with her telling her he would be fine and that he would be back home as soon as he could.

After we finished the dishes, Jake motioned for me to follow him to his room. He dug out a large book from under his bed and sat down at the head of the bed, still holding the book in one hand as he spread his legs apart and patted the bed in front of him.

"Come here and sit by me," he said.

I eyed him cautiously and felt the blood rush into my cheeks because I knew being that close to him in that position _might _be dangerous. Then he patted the bed again, and I couldn't refuse the pleading look on his face.

I crawled onto the bed, turned around, and wiggled up close to him, so my back was resting against his chest, then he lay the book across my lap and opened it up.

"What is this?" I asked, now full of curiosity.

"This, is what I wanted to show you. These are pictures of me and my family when I was growing up. But there's one in here in particular I want you to see," he said, as he leaned around me and began moving the pages.

It took me a few moments to acclimate myself to this position and being this close to him. His arms were warm on either side of me and he felt good as I leaned into him. His hair tickled the side of my face and neck as he moved forward to turn the pages.

When I turned my attention to the photos, instead of him, I was immediately drawn into a world of "ew's" and "aw's" as I looked at how cute he was when he was a little boy. My first memory of playing with him would have probably been when he was five or six, but these pictures dated back to when he was a baby forward.

He went through the pictures and told me tidbits about each one, where he and his family had camped, or what vacation they had been on, and then we came to the middle of the photo album and he pointed to a photo in the center of the page.

"Is that...."

"Yes. That is you when you came down one summer. Do you remember that day?" he asked, brushing the hair away from my neck with his lips.

"Yeah, I remember. We were playing on the beach that day and our dad's were fishing in the surf. Your mom came down to the beach and found us digging a huge hole. We were digging for _buried treasure," _we both said at the same time and started laughing. "I guess we've known each other a long time, haven't we Jake?" I asked, turning my head to the side to find him looking at me.

"Yes we have and you know what? I found the treasure, it just had to come to the realization that it wanted to be found," Jake said, his breath fanning softly against my cheek.

We were both still and quite, except for our breathing and the thudding of my heart fast, then slow. Jake was wrapped around me and I was warm and safe and things had never felt so right, as they did right then. Jake moved closer, letting his lips barely graze mine, as I gave way and lay back against his chest, turning so that I was sitting sideways as I leaned against him. His hand brushed against my cheek and he looked into my eyes.

"What if I'm the one who found the treasure?" I countered, as I let myself enjoy our closeness.

"Then we're both very lucky," he said, as he again moved closer to me and this time pressed his lips to mine.

I let myself fall into his arms and reached up to feel his long silky hair as it fell against the side of my face. I found the edge of his ear and traced around it with my finger, lingering on the soft delicate skin of his ear lobe.

He pulled away and pressed my head to his chest as he ran his hand over my hair and the side of my head, just holding me. This was where I belonged and Jacob Black completed me in so many ways. I wanted to share how I felt, "Jake....I...."

"Hey, it's okay. Let's just enjoy the night and next weekend we can have a long talk. I'm looking forward to our date," he said.

So he just held me and we shared a quiet time together, then we looked at the rest of his pictures, and before long it was time for us to go home. Jake walked me to the car, while my dad was telling Billy goodnight.

He kissed me on the forehead and again brushed his hand over my cheek, then helped me in the car as Charlie came out and told him goodbye and thanked him for the dinner. We pulled away and Charlie asked if I had a good time, I just smiled and told him yes, and couldn't help but think about Jake and me all the way home.


	11. Where's My Jacob Black?

Chapter Eleven

Where's My Jacob Black?

I opened my eyes and felt of my face. It was confirmed. I had awakened Sunday morning with the biggest smile spread across my face and the reason for it had to be, Jake. It felt so good to be alive again and feel the way I was feeling about him.

Last night, sitting with him on his bed and looking through his pictures—his memories really, had made me realize again how much he meant to me. I had truly, irrevocably, undeniably, fallen in love with my best friend. There was no need to deny it any longer so I just smiled and accepted the fact.

My day was filled with cooking and working around the house. I wanted to make some things for later in the week, so I began with a meat loaf, a chicken and rice dish, and a pot of chili. I really didn't want to have to worry about cooking every night this week. I knew I would be anxiously awaiting next Saturday and my date with Jake.

After we had eaten dinner that night, I cleaned the kitchen, and took a shower. I hadn't heard from Jake all day, but I knew he was either busy working on an automobile, or trying to get through to Embry. But apparently he was thinking about me, because not long after I got ready for bed, he called so I took the phone to my room as I stretched out over my bed.

"Jake, how are things today? Have you talked with Embry?" were the first questions I asked.

He had finally talked with him for just a few minutes and he seemed better, Jake said, but he still wasn't himself. He said they weren't able to finish talking because Sam, Paul, and Jared came up and told Embry they had to go. He told me that Sam just kept looking at him, like he wanted to say something, or wanted Jake to bow down to him or something.

I tried to get Jake's mind off of Sam and the others by changing the subject and telling him how much I enjoyed him sharing his photos with me last night. He said he had more and that someday we would go through those as well. We talked for over an hour and finally had to give up each other's company, so we could go to bed.

The next day was a rainy, cold day and I really wanted to just stay in bed. But Charlie wouldn't have it as he called for me to get up for the second time, before he left for work. I managed to dress, get ready, and grab a bite on the way out the door.

When I went into school, I headed straight for the restroom, to try and comb through my hair, which had gotten wet coming into the building. I had forgotten to wear my hoodie under my jacket so my book was my umbrella and it didn't work very well.

"Hey Bella. Looks like you got drenched this morning too," Angela said from behind me as she bounced into the restroom too.

"Yeah. Why couldn't we just stay in bed on days like today?" I groaned.

"Oh well, I guess that's life for you," she said laughing.

We both walked back out of the restroom and were on our way to our lockers when Mike appeared from nowhere. Actually, I could have sworn he was waiting outside girls' bathroom and around the corner. Angela quickly excused herself, even though I was giving her the silent, 'please don't leave' lip movements.

"Hey Arizona. Why did you let it rain today? It's got me feeling blue."

"Oh. Um, well...sorry? I guess," I said, still working my way to my locker.

"But I know what would make me feel so much better."

"What?" I asked, absentmindedly.

"Why don't you go out with me this Saturday?" he asked, leaning against the locker next to mine, trying his best to look all macho. I wanted to laugh so badly.

"Mike. I, um.....sorry, but I can't this weekend. I've already made plans to go to the movies with a friend. We're going to Port Angeles on Saturday night to catch a movie. Sorry," I said, as I closed my locker door and tried to weasel out of the conversation and the whole _going out _with him thing.

"A friend, huh? Port Angeles, you say? Okay. Well there's always another time. Right?"

"Um, sure. Hey, I have to get to class. I'll see you around," I said, dashing into my home room as we approached.

When was he going to get the picture that I didn't want to go out with him? Did I have to actually say _no_? I shuddered at the thought of having to do that, but I had other things, or should I say someone else to think about.

The day was long and tedious and I was so glad to see three-thirty and even happier, knowing I already had food prepared at home, so all I had to do was heat it up and make a salad.

I started my homework when I got home and had it finished by the time Charlie got in. After we ate, I went upstairs and lay down on my bed to peruse my book about the Quiluetes. Upon opening it, I went to the section about the wolf legend and began reading it again.

As I read, I noticed that there seemed to be some gaps in the information about what actually happened to the young warrior when he transformed, so I began cross referencing the book, looking through the different chapters, reading parts that referred back to the transformation.

Then I came to a poem that I must have overlooked before when reading the book, or thought that it didn't make any sense, but now it seemed to jump right out at me so I read it twice.

_The first time was the worst,_

_My body wracked with pain._

_I knew not what was happening,_

_I had no words to explain._

_Great One please help me,_

_Please hear your Native son,_

_Take from me that which has begun,_

_For I am not the chosen one._

_But pleading did not cease the battle,_

_That raged deep within,_

_As fur soon replaced my skin,_

_I was no longer the man I once had been._

My mind began to wonder, as I dwelt on the meaning of the poem and I felt sorry for the young warrior who had written it, but couldn't seem to keep my thoughts from going back to the cold ones. I read about them again and a shiver ran up my spine as I realized that what the book said was actually true. I had seen it with my own eyes, felt it with my touch, and even thought I was in love with one of them.

So did this mean that the werewolves, those that transformed were real too? I was trying to go over it all again in my mind, when the phone rang and I heard my dad calling me from downstairs.

I ran down, retrieved the phone, and went back upstairs to talk with Jake. He told me he had a busy day, he had two tests, and had to read a chapter for tonight's homework, so he couldn't talk long. He said things were about the same with Embry, but that he was back at school today and that he just kept to himself and wouldn't talk to anyone.

This worried us both and we went through every possible scenario but came up with nothing substantial to support why he was behaving so oddly. I even entertained the idea that it might have something to do with the legend, but quickly dismissed it and didn't even mention it to Jake. I didn't want him to think I was crazy.

After I got off the phone with Jake, I took a shower and climbed into bed. My mind was still going over the possibility that the werewolves were real when I fell asleep. That night I had a very unusual dream. I could see Sam in the distance, as the mist rose up in the forest, partially hiding me from view.

He was talking with someone or something, but I was never able to see clearly what it was. I watched and listened, but could never hear his voice, only see his lips moving. Then, as if he had heard me breathing, he turned and looked right at me.

I remember being frightened and turning to run, only to run right into Jake, then I woke up. My alarm clock was going off, signaling the beginning of yet another day of school. But it was hard to put that dream out of my thoughts as I went about my day. I had a cold chill every time I thought about the look on Sam's face and the way Jake was looking at me.

The day was busy with normal classes and an assembly. We had a speaker and a presentation that lasted almost an hour and I had the _good fortune _of Mike finding me and sitting beside me the entire time. He offered a few whispers of small talk now and then, but I would remind him that we needed to be quite out of courtesy, so he soon stopped trying.

Angela had been watching and was there to rescue me when the assembly was over, as she drug me to our last class. I offered her my thanks and told her I owed her big time now for saving me. She said I could always pay her back by telling her who I had been thinking about—the one that was making me smile, but I blushed and again told her I didn't know _what_ she was talking about.

That afternoon, Angela and I went to the library and I returned some books and picked up a couple of new ones. I thought with the day being dreary it would be a good day to settle in early with a new book.

After Charlie and I ate the meatloaf I had prepared on Sunday, and I had cleaned the kitchen, I went upstairs, got ready for bed early and climbed under the covers to start reading. By nine o'clock, I still hadn't heard from Jake and was beginning to wonder why he hadn't called.

I made my way back downstairs and called him.

"Hello, Billy. May I speak to Jake? Oh, okay. Well will you tell him that I've called? Okay, you too. Goodnight."

I hung the phone up and leaned against the counter. Billy said Jake was not there, but was at Embry's house and he didn't know what time he would be back. I thought that was odd considering it was a school night, but I knew he was probably trying to talk with Embry, so I went on to bed, trying not to worry.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a strange feeling like something might be wrong. I mean, Jake never called and I was now starting to be concerned. All day, I kept thinking about the book, the legends, the strange things going on in La Push, and Jake.

As soon as school was over, I climbed in my truck and debated on going to see Jake. It was after all Wednesday and he probably would expect me to come down to have my truck checked, but I hadn't heard from him last night, so I didn't know whether I should go.

I was already on my way home, when I made the split second decision to go to La Push. It couldn't hurt, I thought, and if Jake wasn't there, I could just check in with Billy and he could tell Jake I had stopped by. But my hopes were that he was there and I could see him for just a little while before going home to do my homework and warm up dinner for Charlie.

As I pulled up to the familiar little red house, things looked normal, but I still couldn't shake this unusual feeling I had, like something was going on. I climbed out of my truck, I shoved the thoughts to the back of my mind and walked around to Jake's garage. It was empty, so I slowly walked back toward the house and walked up on the front porch so I could knock on the door. I heard Billy say for me to come on in, so I opened the door and went inside.

"Hey Billy. I just stopped by to check in with Jake. Is he around?"

"Well, he and Quil went over to Embry's house a while ago, but I think they should be back any time. Why don't you have a seat while you wait on them?"

So I sat down and talked with Billy for over a half hour and was just about ready to leave when I heard the sound of footsteps on the front porch. I stood up as the door opened and in walked Jake and Quil.

Jake walked over to me and gave me his smile then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. It felt so good to be in his arms, even if it was just for a few moments. I pulled away, knowing Billy and Quil were watching, but I could feel Jake's hesitancy in letting me go.

"Hey Bella, how's it going?" Quil asked, as he walked into the living room.

"Good thanks," I said to Quil, giving him a little wave as I leaned around Jake, then I looked up at Jake, " Hello Jake. Um, Jake, I know it's only been a few days since I saw you last, but have you gotten taller?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd come down today," he said, still smiling at me, "you want to go down to the beach?"

"Sure," I said, turning to Billy, "thanks for letting me hang out here Billy. I had a nice time visiting," I said, as Jake took my hand and we started walking out the door, but just as we reached it Jake turned to Quil and said, "come on man, you're going too," then he winked at me.

We all three walked toward the beach. I thought I understood why Jake was having Quil tag along and it was because he didn't want to just leave him hanging there with Billy. They had been together every day since Embry's sudden illness and each of them was trying to keep the others spirts up.

Jake held my hand and Quil walked just a few feet away from me.

"Have you guys gotten any new news on Embry?" I asked glancing over at Quil.

"Nah. He's been back at school and we've gone to his house a few times, but he's just different. It's like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders and that's not good for him. He's always been the sensitive type, you know he holds things inside and doesn't talk about them, but this thing, whatever the hell it is, has got him even more closed off than before. Not even me or Jake can reach him. It's like he can't be around us, not like he doesn't want to be," Quil said, in a sudden outburst of emotional discussion.

As we neared the shoreline and the driftwood tree Jake and I called our own, Jake backed me up to his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He bent down near my ear and whispered, "I really needed to hold you today. Thanks for coming."

I was a bit worried about his mood, he seemed to be melancholy, and as he held me I could definitely tell he had grown at least two inches since Saturday. How that was possible, I didn't know, and I also noticed, as I snuggled up to him, that his chest was broader and felt more defined and muscular than it had before and his T-shirt was stretched tight over his bulky frame. But I didn't say anything, I just let him hold me while we watched Quil skip stones.

We had been at the beach for about thirty minutes, when we heard the sound of a wolf howling in the distance. I looked from Quil to Jake and back to Jake several times, watching their expressions and I could see that they were visibly altered by the sound. They looked more alert and kept watching toward the forest, near the ocean, where the sound had come from. It just gave me cold chills and I pushed into Jake's embrace even more.

Quil went to sit down on the faded branches of the tree, so I motioned for Jake and I to join him. I thought about trying to start up a conversation, but didn't know exactly what to say, considering the somber mood, but then an idea popped into my head.

"Quil, so tell me. Do you have a girlfriend?"

He looked up at me and I could swear he was blushing. It took him a couple of minutes to compose a reply.

"No...not right now. I'm sort of in between," he said, looking down at the sand.

This was my opportunity to try and liven up our little group, so I jumped up and popped him on the arm, as I yelled "tag you're it," and started running letting my voice carry on the afternoon sea breeze, "what's the matter? The big bad Quil hasn't snagged a new girl yet?"

It didn't take him long to catch me and pick me up, tossing me over his shoulder. He was tickling me relentlessly as he ran back to where Jake was at, laughing at my antics.

"I believe this would be yours," he said, as he deposited me on the sand in front of Jake," and fell down a few feet from me on his back in the sand.

Jake came over and plopped down beside me before saying, "I hope she is," then he too started tickling me and before long we were all three laughing so hard that we could hardly breathe.

We had just begun to catch our breath, when the sound of the lonely wolf reverberated again through the air. It immediately brought the uneasiness we had felt earlier, back again and we all got quite, just laying there on the sand.

"Jake, I don't want to leave, but I have to get back home. Do you want to look at my tr....."

"You know I always want to look at it. It keeps me close to you," he said, softly, then got up and helped me up off the sand.

Quil sprang up too, and we all walked back toward Jake's house. When we got back to my truck, he jumped inside and pulled it around to his garage. He and Quil gave it a quick going over, and announced that it was in good working order, before closing the hood.

"Hey, I'm going in to get a drink. Bella, I'll see you around. And, I won't forget your little joke back there," he said, ruffling my hair as he walked out of the garage.

This left Jake and I alone. He walked over to his toolbox and pulled out a crumpled brown paper bag, opened it, and pulled out two cans of soda. He popped both tops on the cans and offered me one then held his up as if to propose a toast.

"Here's to the truck, my baby, and us," he said, as he tapped my can with his, then put his to his mouth and drank the entire thing in about two gulps.

I felt a lump in my throat at his sweet gesture and found it difficult to swallow much of mine, so I just sipped on it as I watched him crush his can.

"Thanks Jake. I can't wait for Saturday night. I'm really looking forward to it," I said, trying to clear my throat and hide the emotion in my voice.

"Oh, guess what? My dad said that because it's a special occasion, he's letting me drive to Forks to pick you up. He said he hoped Charlie would let me off if he caught me, considering I was on my way to pick up his daughter for our first date."

I'm sure my face was red, it felt flushed as I found myself smiling from ear to ear. He moved over to me close to me and ran his hand over my cheek, as if to smooth the crimson away.

"I'd like that," I whispered.

"Yeah, me too. I'll be there at five o'clock sharp, so we can have time to grab a bite before the seven-thirty movie. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'll be the one standing on my front porch waiting on my carriage," I said, nestling into the palm of his hand that was still against my face.

"Then I'll be the one driving your carriage my lady," he said, as he bent down and gently kissed me.

"I better go. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"I'll try to call you tomorrow night," he said, as he walked me to my truck.

He held the door open for me and I climbed inside and he held his and up to the glass after he had closed the door. I pressed my hand to his, cranked my truck, and backed out. It would be a long trip back home this time because I didn't want to leave him behind.

The next two days went by without incident. I talked with Jake every night and by Saturday morning, I was full of anticipation about what would happen in just a few hours. I spent my day doing the necessary chores around the house, then took a nice long hot shower late afternoon, so I would be refreshed and ready when Jake arrived.

I had told my dad goodbye and that we would be home no later than eleven. He wanted Jake to come in when he got there, but I told him I needed to be standing on the porch waiting on him as sort of a promise. So, after he let me have my little moment of seeing Jake drive up in my _carriage_, he walked out to the car to greet him.

"So, you're taking my little girl out on a date are you? Well I expect you to be a gentleman," he teased, as Jake climbed out of the Rabbit.

"Charlie. You know I'm always a gentleman. Don't worry. I'll take good care of her. I promise," he said as he slid his arm around my shoulder and kissed me on the temple.

"Okay, you two have fun and drive carefully," Charlie said, patting the hood of Jake's car.

"We will dad," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek, then Jake helped me in the car and closed the door.

He smiled and whispered something to my dad as he walked back around and they both started laughing. I didn't even want to know what that was all about, I was just ready to have Jake all to myself for the night.

As we drove, Jake took my hand and lay it on my lap holding it while we he drove. He felt a little warmer than usual, but I just attributed it to the excitement of the night.

"So, where would you like to eat Bells? I don't know about you, but I'm starving," he said, giving me a sideways smile.

"I don't know. How about a place with hamburgers and shakes?"

"That sounds great to me. I think I know a place. My dad and I have been there a couple of times when we've had to go to Port Angeles."

So we drove until we got into town and Jake wove through the streets until we pulled up in front of a quaint, little restaurant that was built like an old diner from the 50's. It was shiny and metallic silver on the outside with lots of neon lights all around in the shape of burgers, malts, fries, onion rings, and ice cream cones. It looked like a fun place to eat.

We went inside and found a booth and Jake slid in across from me. He grabbed a menu and started eyeing the selection, while I eyed him. He looked different tonight, sitting there under the bright lights, like he had aged some just since Wednesday. But he looked really nice tonight, wearing a new black T-shirt and jeans with his hair pulled back and tied behind his neck.

He looked up to find me gawking and I quickly looked at my menu. But not before I caught the smile and chuckle that came from him as he shook his head and looked back down at his menu.

"I think I'll have the triple burger, fries, and a milkshake. What about you, Bells?"

"I'll have the small burger and a chocolate malt," I said, closing my menu.

The waitress came over to take our order and Jake was the gentleman as ordered for both of us. Then he reached across the table and opened his hands up wanting me to give him mine, which I did. He held them on the table while we talked about what we had done today and what we had planned for tomorrow. Then we looked around at the various people in the diner and wondered where they were from.

When our food arrived, we began getting it ready to eat and Jake was trying to move his shake when it slipped and spilled in his seat. He looked mortified and I could tell it made him angry that it had happened. He tried to wipe it up the best he could but it was slowing seeping toward where he was sitting.

"Jake, it's okay. We can just get another one."

"No, we can't. I've been saving up money for tonight for weeks and I only had enough for dinner, popcorn, and the movie," he said, looking down at the mess.

It made my heart hurt seeing him so upset and disappointed, so I offered him my malt, but he turned me down, then I offered to buy him another one, but he refused. I saw that nothing seemed to ease his stress so I reached over and touched his arm, "Jake, come sit by me and we'll share mine," I said, with a soft smile.

He seemed to calm down some and must have liked the idea, because he was sitting next to me within minutes, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulled me up close to him, and gave me a kiss on the side of my head, as he whispered, "thanks Bells."

So we sat there eating our meal and sharing my chocolate malt. It was actually very romantic as we both sipped from our straws, laughing and looking into each other's eyes. I had no problem at all being this close to him.

When we had finished and paid, Jake helped me out of the booth and we walked back out to his car, but before he shut my door he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "after the movie, we'll go for a nice drive and have that talk."

My heart skidded to a stop then sped back up again as I remembered what I wanted to say to him a week ago, but he had asked me to wait. I wondered too, what he was going to say and even thought about asking to skip the movie so we would have more time to talk, but I knew he had made all of these plans, so I wanted to stick to them, not wanting anything else to go wrong tonight.

The theater was just a few blocks away and we had just enough time to get our tickets and go inside.

The lights were still on in the theater when Jake and I went in to find our seats. He said he needed a tub of popcorn and asked if I wanted anything, saying he would be back in a few minutes.

I sat there looking around at the couples scattered around the theater and I felt a few butterflies dance in my stomach and I smiled to myself because this was mine and Jake's first real date. We were one of the couples too.

I heard a shuffling sound to my right and turned to see _Mike Newton _standing there, grinning like a cat that just ate the canary.

"Mike, _what_ are you doing here?" I asked, not even trying to hide my shock and disbelief that he was standing right there beside me.

"Well. You said you were going to the movies with a _friend_, so I thought I would see if you ladies wanted some company," he said, with a cocky grin on his face.

He had just sat down when Jake started making his way back to me down the isle. He was about to sit down, when he noticed Mike staring at me and probably saw my face paler than usual. Jake handed me a drink and looked at Mike with a confused look on his face, then looked back at me.

"Thanks Jake, um....this.....is um Mi....ke Newton. He goes to my school," I said, pointing to Mike.

Jake knew the name all too well, considering I had mentioned him a few times, but when I spoke the name this time, I saw a flash of anger cross his face.

"And, um, Mike this is Jacob Black, my um...da...te," I said, looking over at Mike.

He stood up and measured up to Jake before offering him his hand saying, "oh shit," under his breath, as Jake grabbed his hand and I'm sure applied much more force than was necessary. If I hadn't been so disappointed that Mike was there, it would have probably been very funny, but I was not happy at all.

"So, do you play football?" Mike asked, trying to remove his hand from Jake's grip.

"No I lift cars for recreation and you?" Jake said, with a sarcastic tone.

Mike just mumbled something about him playing football then sat back down beside me. _What_, I thought? You have got to be kidding me. Why was he still here? I mean, granted it was a public theater and all, but under the circumstances wouldn't the guy get the hint and leave? No, apparently he didn't get the hint.

Jake sat down beside me and I could see him gritting his teeth. I mouthed the words, _"I'm sorry, I didn't know he was going to show up here,_" but it didn't seem to phase Jake, he was visibly upset.

The lights began to dim and I felt like I was trapped between two testosterone overloads and I knew if something didn't happen fast it was going to be a long miserable two hours. I reached over to try and take Jake's hand, but he was tense and didn't seem to respond. So I crossed my arms over my chest and sat there brooding.

Approximately forty-five minutes into the movie, I couldn't take it anymore so I said rather loudly, to whomever was listening, that I needed to go to the restroom, got up squeezing between Jake's legs and the seat in front of him and made my way to the outer isle.

I went to the ladies room not knowing what to do to salvage the evening. I had so been looking forward to being with Jake _alone_ and then this had to happen. After washing my hands and blotting my face with a damp paper towel, I emerged from the restroom.

Jake was standing just outside the door, arms folded over his chest, harboring a very strange look on his face. He seemed to be looking off in space and wasn't even focused on me so I reached out and touched his arm, trying to get his attention.

When I touched his skin, however, I pulled my hand back as fast as lightening. He was burning up, even hotter than Embry had been a week or so ago. I was frantic to know what was going on inside of him and if he was okay.

"Jake. You're so hot," I said, looking up into his dark brown eyes with concern.

He gave me a cocky half grin and met my gaze.

"You apparently didn't think I was_ hot _enough for you if you brought that joker on our date," he said, his words again laced with sarcasm.

"Jake. I didn't _bring_ him. He asked me earlier in the week to go out with him and I told him I had plans and that I was going to the movies here in Port Angeles with a....a....friend. That's all that was said and I thought that I made it clear that I wasn't interested in his offer. And what do you mean I don't think you're hot? I happen to think you are _very hot_, but right now I'm referring to your physical well being because your skin is burning up," I replied, offering a pleading look.

"You do?"

"I do what? What is going on Jake?"

But before I knew what was happening he had taken me by the hand and was leading me around the corner to a dead end hallway. He leaned me against the wall and placed his hands beside me on the wall leaning down until he was just inches away from my face.

"So you really think I'm hot?

"Ye....s, I....do," I said, stammering.

"What about him? He's always asking you out so maybe you'd rather be with him than me?"

"Jake, Mike is a nice guy, in his own way, but you are what's important to me. You're my best friend."

"Is that all I am to you? Do you know how I feel about you?" he asked, leaning in further so that his lips were almost on mine.

His heat was stifling and beads of perspiration began forming on my forehead being this close to him. I was worried, this wasn't how Jake normally behaved, but I didn't know what to do. I placed my hand against his chest, just as he placed his lips against mine, but he was gentle and if it weren't for the heat rolling off his body and us being at the movie theater, this might have been very much like a dream come true.

But something was definitely wrong. Almost as soon as he kissed me, he pulled away displaying a look of confusion and dissatisfaction on his beautiful face and my heart ached to help him and to make him feel better.

"No. This is all wrong. This isn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted us to talk and have a nice quiet evening together. I've been waiting for this night for so lon......" he said, as his he turned and fell against the wall beside me.

"Jake, tell me what's wrong?" I pleaded.

He was rubbing his head and had closed his eyes for a few moments before saying, "I can't believe the night was ruined. First I spilled the shake then _he_ came along. It was supposed to be special Bells."

"Hey. The night's not over and we can leave the movie and go somewhere else if you want," I said, trying to rub his arm, but when he opened his eyes it was like he was different somehow and he even pulled away from my touch.

"We need to go. I have to get you home Bella. I.....I'm not feeling good," he said, as he pushed himself off the wall and took my elbow leading me out of the theater.

He was walking fast and when we got out to his car he reached for my door I couldn't help myself as I wrapped my arms around his waist and held onto him, pressing my cheek against his hot chest. The heat was intense and his muscles were tight but he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug then kissed the top of my head before he opened the door and motioned for me to get in.

As we drove, I kept having this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that the same thing was happening to him that happened to Embry, but I didn't want to mention it because I was afraid it would make him even more upset.

I watched him as he drove, and noticed he kept rubbing his head, his arms, and even his chest like they were hurting or like he was feeling discomfort. I wasn't afraid of him, but rather afraid for him. He was behaving just as strangely as Embry had.

"Jake, do you want to talk about how you feel? Can you tell me what's happening?" I asked quietly.

"No. I just....I don't know. I feel weird."

He seemed to be trying hard to concentrate on driving so I just watched him from the corner of my eye and remained quiet the remainder of the way to my house.

When we pulled up in my drive, I turned to him and ran my hand over his cheek. There was now perspiration on his skin and he looked even worse.

"Jake, can I take you home? We can leave your car here," I offered.

"No! I mean no. I'm fine. I just need to get home. Bella I...."

"Yes Jake."

"Nothing. Never mind. I've got to go. Goodbye Bella," he said, and the look in his eyes was like he was in so much pain, like he was struggling with something.

"Thank you for tonight. I had a good....."

"No, you didn't. It was a total wash tonight," he said.

"No it wasn't. I got to spend time with you," I said, as I leaned over and kissed his cheek, "you go home and get some rest and I call and check on you later."

"Yeah, later," he said, and I climbed out of the car.

I waived as I watched him drive away and I knew deep inside of me that things were different and would never be the same again. I couldn't put my finger on what exactly was wrong, but I had felt it all night.

"Hey kiddo, you're home early," Charlie said, as I walked into the living room. "Is everything okay? Where's Jake?"

"Um, he wasn't feeling well, so he went on home."

"I hope it's nothing serious. Did you have a nice time?"

"Well, we had a few mishaps, but over all it was okay. I'm going to take a shower now and then I'll call and check on him and make sure he made it home all right."

"Okay. Well, if you want to tell me about your night, I'll be here," he said, as he changed the channel on the television.

As I took my shower, I couldn't help but worry about Jake and Embry and wonder if they were going through the same thing and if so, what exactly was it. I finished, dried off, got dressed, and dried my hair before going downstairs to use the phone.

The first time I called there was no answer, which bothered me greatly. Then I tried again about thirty minutes later and Billy answered the phone, but I could tell he was troubled. I asked if Jake made it home okay and he said yes, but that he really couldn't talk right then and I thought I hear some noises in the background. He said he must go and hung up.

I felt let down that I couldn't talk with Jake, when he knew that I was going to call, but then on the other hand, what if he was too sick to talk? And Billy's suspicious behavior didn't help any, so when I finally wound down enough to go to bed, it was a long time before I could go to sleep.

The next day, I tried to stay busy doing homework, housework, anything I could find to keep my mind off of Jake, but I called several times. Once or twice I caught Billy, but each time he said Jake wasn't home. The rest of the day, when I called, there would be no answer. So I went through Sunday, not knowing how Jake was.

Monday was awful. It was raining when I left for school, it stormed most of the day, adding to my overall distraught mood, and every class had home work, except P.E. When I finally left for home, I felt like I had been in a battle zone all day.

When I got home, I called Jake's, but there was no answer, so I worked on my homework and fixed dinner as I began to think things like Jake had a terrible time on our date and never wanted to see me again, or he had found someone else that he wanted to spend time with and couldn't bring himself to tell me, or the one that hurt the most that he was sick and would become like Embry and leave all his friends behind, including me.

By the time I went to bed, I was feeling the effects of the past two days. I was feeling ill myself and when I hadn't been able to reach Jake the last time I had called that night, and it really began to hit home.

I lay in my bed and went over my life of the past few months and as I thought about Jake and I being best friends and that I had even let myself fall in love with him, but had never told him how I felt, partly because he wanted to wait until our date, I began to cry.

Maybe he had planed it that way the whole time and the mishaps of that night had aided him in getting rid of me. So by the time I cried myself to sleep, I had decided that he hadn't wanted me to tell him that night at his house how I felt, because he knew it would be easier to leave me behind if I never said it.

The next day was worse at school. I had almost reverted back to the old Bella. I didn't want to talk with anyone, I could hardly pay attention in class, and I felt like crying most of the day. But by the time the last bell rang, I had made up my mind to go to La Push. I wasn't going to let him end _us_ this way. If he didn't want to see me anymore, he would have to tell me to my face.

The rain was falling at stead intervals sometimes making it hard to see. As I finally approached Jake's house, I felt a wave of nausea threatening to make me sick, but I fought it because I was here to find out what was going on.

I pulled up to Jake's garage and got out, running through the rain until I made it to the small shelter. I looked around but Jake wasn't there. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't bring myself just yet to go to the house. I slumped down on the chair in the corner where Jake and I had sat before and talked. I felt so alone and helpless, not knowing what to do and not having Jake there with me.

It wasn't until I heard a quite voice, coming from the corner of the garage that I realized I wasn't alone, "you won't find him here. He may never be here again. Not the Jake we knew anyway," Quil said in low voice.

I got up and went to him, dropping to my knees in front of him. We were both drenched and by now my teeth were chattering, not only from the cold but because of my state of mind.

"Wh...a....t ....are.....you....talking....about....Qu....il," I managed to chatter out.

He reached out and put his hands on my shoulders and I saw the pain in his eyes.

"It's just like Embry. He's changed just like Embry. He didn't come to school yesterday or today and when I came here to try and talk to him, he just told me to go home and not come back. Bella, he and Embry and I have been together, best freaking friends our whole lives. And you, he was crazy about you. You were all he talked about, but now.....I can't believe he's left us both like this," he said, as the tears glistened in his eyes.

I found myself moving forward until I was cradled against Quil's chest and his arms were wrapped around me. We needed each other right then and I couldn't help myself as I began to sob, "no, no, no, you're wrong."

"I wish I was. When he told me to leave, he walked out of the garage into the rain and met up with Embry just this side of the forest. They were punching each other and laughing and wrestling, as they walked toward the cover of the trees, then I saw Sam and the others motion for them to join them and they disappeared. I'm so sorry Bella."

I was shaking uncontrollably now and my teeth were chattering so loud. Quil stood up, pulling me up with him.

"Come on. I'm taking you to my house and getting you into some dry clothes. You can't stay here and you can't drive home yet, so give me the keys to your truck."

He wrapped his arm around me and took the keys from my shaking hand. I let him put me into the truck and leaned against him as he drove us to his house. He pulled me out when we got there and took me inside.

"My mom's not home right now. Wait here and I'll get you something dry," he said, as he walked down the hallway.

I had sunk down on the floor on my knees as the tears continued to flow, by the time he got back. He had to pull me back up onto my feet before he could show me to the bathroom.

"Bella, get out of these wet clothes and put these on," he said, handing me a pair of his sweat pants and an old T-shirt.

I took them and went inside. I was freezing and shaking, so it was hard to get my clothes off, but I finally managed then I slipped into Quil's clothes. I found a towel and wrapped it around my hair before coming back out and walking down the hallway.

I could hear voices and when I got to the end of the hall, I thought I could see Jake standing on the porch, but he was huge. He had grown so much since I saw him last on Saturday. He and Quil were having words. I thought I could hear Jake say, "you keep away from her," but I wasn't sure.

"You can't come here and tell me what to do? She needs me and you're not the hell around to take care of her," Quil said, then there was a low growling sound and it sounded like something jumped and landed in the mud outside.

I walked closer to Quil, just as he was shutting the door.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking at him through tear stained eyes.

"Nothing. Hey, come here," he said, putting his arms around me. He had taken off his shirt but he felt warm, almost like Jake used to, so I welcomed his embrace.

"It was him, wasn't it? He didn't even want to see me, did he?"

"Bella. I don't know what's going on, but I told you before, he's not himself right now, but maybe in time....."

"No, he's just like _Ed....ward...._he's gone too," I whispered as the tears began again.

Quil tried to comfort me as we sat down on the couch and I stayed there wrapped in his arms for a long time. It seemed like I still had a small piece of Jake with me as I held onto Quil and I'm sure he felt the same holding onto me.


	12. The Night Of The Wolf

I hadn't intended on writing this story from any other POV's. But I wanted to know how Jake felt that night, the night of his and Bella's date, the night that things went terribly wrong and he began to change. I wanted to feel what he felt and see how he dealt with the change. So, this chapter is from Jake's POV. I hope it lends perspective to the story. Thanks to everyone for reading.

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Chapter Twelve

The Night Of The Wolf

Jake's POV

After leaving Bella's house, no, after leaving Bella standing in her front yard watching me drive away, wondering what in the hell was wrong with me, I drove as fast as I could to get home. I couldn't believe how everything had fallen apart tonight, the night I had been looking forward to for, well years, the night that I was going to tell Bella how much she meant to me.

My chest was hurting and no matter how much I rubbed it, it wouldn't stop. My arms and shoulders and even my legs were aching and I felt worse than the time I'd had the flu, the chicken pox, or any other ailment I could think of. I was actually starting to get scared, even if I wouldn't admit that to anyone.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and managed, somehow to pull my shirt off while still driving without having a wreck. But that didn't even help, I felt like I was on fire, from the inside out.

When I pulled up at my house, I got out and slammed the door to the Rabbit. It wasn't supposed to end like this tonight. I would have still been with Bella for a few more hours, had everything went according to plan.

I kicked the tire of my car as I walked into the house and threw my shirt on the couch. My dad looked at me and his eyes grew wide and he took a deep breath. What in the hell was his problem, I thought, as I slumped down on the couch and kicked off my shoes?

"Jake, how did it go.....tonight?" he asked, almost with caution in his tone.

"The night sucked. What else do you want to know?" I bit back and could taste the venom in my words.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on?" he asked, rolling his wheelchair over in front of me so he could get a better look at me.

"If something could go wrong, it did. I don't want to talk about it," I said.

He reached out to touch me and I immediately took offense to it and jerked away, "don't touch me," I screamed.

It was like I was on the outside, looking at myself and I knew I was being rude and disrespectful, but I couldn't seem to stop it. Everything was getting to me and even the little things were making me feel out of control. I didn't know what to do.

"Jake, let me call someone over here to help you. I'm going to call Sam and he....."

"What? Are you crazy? You're not calling Sam now, or ever to come here. And you sure as hell aren't calling him to help me," I screamed, and that's when I began to shake.

My body seemed to have a mind of it's own. I grabbed onto my legs and tried to push them down to the floor, but my body was casting off tremors so fast I couldn't hold on—I couldn't seem to hold myself together.

I jumped up and glared at my dad. I knew this wasn't his fault, whatever was happening to me, but he was there so I seemed to be lashing out at him, I felt bad, I didn't want to do it—to behave like this, but I couldn't get a grip on myself—on anything.

"Jake, just try and calm down, it won't be long now and then everything will be okay," my dad reasoned.

But all I could do, was look at him. Why was he talking to me in riddles and why was he looking at me like that? He even seemed afraid of me or something, and that made things even worse.

"Dad, you don't understand, there's something wrong with me....." I screamed and then my body began to shift around inside me own skin.

My dad made his way over to the front door and opened it, turning back to look at me just as I fell down on my hands and knees on the floor and began screaming at the top of my lungs. The pain was unbearable and I felt everything start twisting inside of me.

The sound of popping and pulling, and I could almost swear the sound of things tearing inside of me was, echoing in my ears. Then it felt like something burst and I felt stronger—stronger than I ever had before.

I threw my head back and let the sound of agony escape from my lips, but the sound that came back around to my ears, was the howl of a lone wolf.

"Jake. It's going to be okay now. Just try and focus and calm yourself from the inside out. You are strong, son, and this is your destiny. You are like your grandfather, Ephraim. It's in your blood son. It's okay," he said, looking at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

It was then that I saw in those eyes, the reflection of what I had become and it scared me. I've never been so scared in all my life. And when I looked at my dad, I knew that he had known all along and I was hurt. Why hadn't he told me? Why had this been kept from me? I needed answers, but before I could get them, I had to find out how to get control of myself.

I turned and bolted for the door, he had wanted me to leave anyway, after all he had opened the door. He didn't want this monster, this creature in his home—in our home and I didn't want it in me. What was I going to do? Where would I go? I was so confused and lost and alone. Or so I thought.

As I ran into the darkness, seeking comfort and safety among the trees in the forest, I felt like I was the only person, that's right a person, I was still a person, I had to be, on this earth. I ran, until my chest was aching and then I feel down on the ground feeling so defeated, like I had lost everything. I screamed and cried, but all I heard was the lonely howl of a wolf—of me calling back in the night.

I don't know how long I lay there, trying to find myself and make some sense out of this life altering change that had occurred, when I first heard the voice, in my head, everywhere, screaming at me, talking to me, and invading my mind.

"_No. Get out of my head. Leave me alone," _I screamed, to whom I didn't know.

I got to my feet and ran faster and further into the dense forest, and as I did, I began to hear a voice that sounded almost familiar, a voice that sounded strangely like, like Embry. I skidded to a halt, right there, dead in my tracks and listened.

"_Jake, hey man. Wait up. I'm almost to you, stop running. I need to talk to you."_

"_Embry? Embry is....is that you?"_

I knew that I wasn't actually speaking, but I was running the words over in my mind, like I was using my voice there.

"_Yeah, man. It's me. Almost there. Hang on."_

I stood there, looking around and realized that even though it was dark, I could still see perfectly, maybe even better than before. I could hear things too, everything from the small mouse that scurried along under the leaves, to the owl overhead searching for its prey. I could even hear the wind whistling as it shaped and formed around—around Embry, as he too came into view.

But it wasn't the Embry I had known, for he too was in the shape of a mammoth beast on all fours covered in fur. His fur was grey with black spots and he wasn't quite as tall or large as me. As he came into the clearing where I had been waiting and I could see his eyes, I knew it really was him.

"_Why, Embry? Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends?"_

"_Jake, I couldn't tell you. I've been sworn to secrecy and I can't tell, not even my own mother," _he said, and lowered his head as if he was ashamed.

"_How did this happen to us? Embry, what have we become?"_

But before he could answer me, I heard another voice, loud and clear in my mind and it caused the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I felt like it was feeding direct orders into my brain that I had to obey, no matter how much I wanted not to. It was the voice of, Sam.

"_Jake, I'm on my way. You stay right where you are and don't leave Embry. Understood?"_

"_You get the freaking hell out of my head! I'm not going to listen to you. You're the reason this happened to me!"_ I screamed, and tried to ignore his words, but my feet were firmly planted there and would not move.

I wanted to run—to run as far away from him as I could. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say, because I knew it could only cause me more grief—more grief than I was already feeling. But for some reason, unknown to me, I was obeying his every word, like my life depended on it.

I stood there waiting, looking around, ready to defend myself, if the need arose, and then I saw him, step out of the shadows and walk toward me. He was solid black, and his fur was thick and shiny, even in the moonlight. Then I saw two other figures emerge on either side of him and it clicked, it had to be Paul and Jared. They had been his puppets for so long—it had to be them.

"_Jake, I'm not the reason you have phased—become the wolf. The reason for this is the Cullens. They are vampires Jake and they have caused the gene that lay within us to no longer be dormant and now we are wolves—the protectors of the people of La Push, the protectors of our people, Jake. We have to keep them safe from the vampires."_

"_You knew about the Cullens? I can't believe this. How can it be?"_

"_Think back to the legends, Jake. Let your mind go back to the things you've heard all your life and feel them. It's all real. We are real."_

"_But the Cullens weren't hu....killing anyone. Were they?"_

"_No, as far as we know they have never killed anyone around here, but their kind—the others have. They're out there, Jake, and it's up to us to stop them," _Sam said with a tone of sheer determination in his thoughts.

"_I don't understand. This is all so confusing, I have to go see Bella and talk to her about the Cullens."_

"_No! No, Jake. You can't see Bella."_

"_What? What do you mean? You're not telling me what...."_

"_Yes, Jake, I am. You are not stable right now and you might hurt someone. You can't be around others for a while and you are not to see Bella anymore," _Sam said and the conviction in his voice made me began to shake.

"_You. Can. Not. Tell. Me. I. Can't. See. Her," _I thought and with every word, my teeth clinched tight and my lips curled back exposing them.

"_Yes I am and you will do what I say," _he growled.

And then I saw flickers' of thoughts and feelings and I stood there watching, feeling, and listening as I filtered through his thoughts and those of the others. I saw Sam and he was confused and enraged. I felt his hurt and his love and I saw a woman standing before him pleading with him and then Sam was gone and replaced by the mammoth, black beast. I felt his remorse—his hatred for himself, and his disgust for what he was and what he had done, the moment his paw slashed through the beautiful woman's face.

It was then that I understood Sam's concern for Bella, but I also knew that I was not like him. I hadn't felt the things he had felt such as betrayal, loss, yearning, love for one woman, and all out adoration and devotion to another.

I wasn't sure what it all meant, but I knew that I would never hurt Bella, or anyone else that I loved, ever. He had to see that. He had to understand that I was different. So, I turned and started running. His spell had worn off of me, so I ran as far away from him—from them, as I could.

When I had run at least ten miles, I collapsed in a lush thicket of green ferns and moss. As I lay there, thinking over all that Sam and Embry had shown me and the fact that I couldn't see Bella, now and maybe never and I fell apart.

How could something so wonderful be taken away from me? I hadn't done anything to deserve this. All I wanted was to be normal and have a normal life and be able to spend it with Bella.

As I began sinking deeper inside of myself, I felt my body start to relax. The feeling of power and strength lessened and my muscles twitched as my shape began to change, until I lay naked and alone in the forest. And I began to sob. My heart was breaking, my body was no longer my own, and my thoughts were never to be private again.

The Jacob Black that I had been, the things that had been so dear to me, seemed like a distant memory and I didn't know what to do. I don't know how long I stayed there like that, fighting my inner demons and coming up empty with every new round, but I finally resolved myself to having to live with what had happened and with finding a way to get back to Bella.

I heard a rustling in the leaves and turned to see a grey wolf standing just a few yards away. It was Embry and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was concerned about me. But he gave me my space as he lay down where he was and rested his chin on his paws.

After some time, I began to form my words into something that could actually be spoken, something that might actually make sense.

"It's not fair, Embry. We don't deserve this. What is Bella going to think when I just never show up again?"

He whimpered and whined and I knew he understood and felt my pain, but that was all he could offer. He too was in the same sort of predicament only it was his own mother he had to hide things from.

It was almost morning, when I finally pulled myself together enough to try and make it home. I decided that since I was naked anyway, I might as well use my new found abilities to get me home, so I thought about the speed, the strength, and how the wind felt in my fur, and I leapt into the air, only to come back down on all fours, as I once again became the wolf.

I ran back, with Embry by my side, to my house. When I got to the woods behind my house, I stopped and looked at my friend.

"_I won't let you go through this alone, Jake. I'm here for you. We have each other," _he said, wagging his tail.

"_I know, Embry. Thanks."_

Then I focused on letting myself relax and I began to change. It was getting easier now and before I knew it, I was standing there in my human form once again.

As I made my way in the back door, I stopped to take a quick shower, then went to my room and fell in my bed. I was so tired, after everything that had happened, and I feel asleep immediately. I was glad, because I wasn't ready to face my dad yet.

The next day or so were tense. My dad seemed like he was avoiding talking with me, like he was afraid of what he might provoke. Sam was over, I don't know how many times, wanting to work with me and teach me how to control myself, and the others were always lurking around, like they were waiting to swoop in and take me down, if I made one wrong move.

Then there were the phone calls. The times that I was in the house when the phone rang, I felt it rip my heart to shreds, knowing that I needed desperately to talk with Bella, but also knowing that I had to obey what Sam had ordered me to do. I had no choice.

I hadn't gone to school on Monday or Tuesday and had spent most of those days with Sam in the forest, working on my phasing. I had begun to accept what I had become, to the extent that I wanted to learn to use it to my advantage.

But things weren't going to be easy. Quil had come by trying to talk with me and I had told him to leave. I know he must have been hurt and confused when I met up with Embry at the edge of the forest and he saw us going off to meet Sam and the others.

Embry and I missed Quil, but we didn't want him to be drawn into the world that we had been drawn into. We wanted him to have a chance at a normal life. He deserved better than this.

When I came home on Tuesday, and I saw Bella's truck at my house, I lost it. I wanted to go to her and hold her and tell her I loved her, but Sam's orders rang loud and clear in my mind. So I turned and started back into the woods when I heard them talking softly in my garage. Then I heard Bella sobbing, then the sound was muffled, and I knew Quil had her in his arms.

I began to tremble and I saw red at thought of one of my best friend holding Bella. My mind was racing and I could imagine all sorts of things, but I couldn't even hold it together long enough to just listen to the conversation, before I had phased. I ran for about an hour, before I could calm down enough to go home and get on some clothes.

When I got dressed, I found myself walking through the rain to Quil's house. I was following Bella's scent, the scent that was now imbedded in my senses—a part of me forever. When I got to his front porch I was trembling, but I had to talk to him. I hadn't heard her voice in while, so I pounded my fist on the door.

When Quil opened the door, I spoke through gritted teeth, "You keep away from her."

"You can't come here and tell me what to do? She needs me and you're not the hell around to take care of her," Quil said, and I found myself letting out a low warning growl before jumping off the porch and landing on the muddy ground.

I ran into the woods and phased, staying as close as I dared to Quil's house and I listened as I heard Bella finally talking again.

"What's going on?" she asked, and I could hear the emotion thick in her voice, almost chocking her.

"Nothing. Hey, come here," Quil said, and I could only picture him pulling her into his arms.

"It was him, wasn't it? He didn't even want to see me, did he?"

"Bella. I don't know what's going on, but I told you before, he's not himself right now, but maybe in time....."

"No, he's just like _Ed....ward...._he's gone too," she said, and that was it for me.

I knew I would have to fight to get her back, to have her trust me again and be able to make it up to her. And I would not let anyone take her away from me, especially not one of my best friends. I didn't care what Sam said. He couldn't stop me from getting to her. The will and determination I had inside of me were so much stronger than his words.

The night closed in around me and the rain soaked me through and through, but maybe that is what I needed, along with hearing what Bella said, to bring me to this point—a point of utter determination and desire to make things right with her.


	13. Revelations And Declarations

Chapter Thirteen

Revelations And Declarations

Quil rubbed my back, until I had finally stopped crying. I'm sure I was a mess, but he didn't seem to mind. I had a feeling he too had shed at least one tear for Jake. I pulled myself up and looked at his bare chest which was wet with tears. I tried to wipe them away with my sleeve but he carefully took my hand in his.

"It's okay," he said, as he pushed my messy hair out of my eyes and looked at me.

"Why didn't he even want to talk to me, Quil? Why won't he talk to me? I've called for three days and nothing," I said, sniffing and wiping my eyes.

"Bella, it's not anything that you've done. I think that whatever happened to Embry has happened to Jake and we just have to find out what's going on," he said.

"I think Jake didn't want to be around me anymore, so he....he did it this way so he wouldn't.....ha....have to face me," I said, and the tears slid down my cheeks again.

Quil took my chin in his hand and pulled my face up to look at him. I noticed for the first time that his eyes were almost as dark as Jake's, but Quil's were soft with a hint of mischief in them. He was handsome with his broad, sturdy face, dark eyebrows, and full lips. But tonight he showed me a side of him, I'd never known before.

He offered me not only a shoulder to lean on, but compassion as well. Quil and I formed a bond that night that I'm not sure could be easily broken. It wasn't anything like the relationship Jake and I had, but it was one of being there for each other no matter what.

"Bella, I know that there could never be anyone to replace you in Jake's life. You're not only his friend, but he loves you. I can see why too. You're warm, and smart, and caring, and beautiful. Jake's not looking for anyone else. This is something neither of us understands," he said, looking into my eyes.

I was about to argue a few of the points Quil had made, when we were both startled by the sound of a wolf howling near his house. I instinctively moved closer to Quil and we looked at each other with wide, unsettled eyes.

"Quil. I know this may sound strange, or even crazy, but have you ever really listened to the legends of your people?"

"You mean about the wolves and us being descendants from them?"

"Yeah."

"I've listened and laughed a lot about it. We all have over the years. Why?"

I turned and looked him right in the eyes, "Quil, I know for a fact that there are things in this world that aren't easily explained. I know for a fact that the _cold ones_ exist," I said in a whisper, trying hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Bella. You're just emotional right now..." I stopped him as I pressed my finger to his lips.

His eyes were fixed on mine, and I reached for one of his hands moving it over my wrist and laying it on the scar that had been left behind by one of them—by James months ago. His face was full of questions as he felt the coolness of my scar, then he looked down and a strange recognition spread across his features as he began putting two and two together.

"Bella, what happened? How did you get that? _The Cullens_. Did the Cullens do this to you?" he asked, as anger flashed in his dark eyes.

"No. The Cullens didn't do this, but one of their kind did. Well, not exactly _their_ kind, one similar to them."

I pulled my knees up, close to my chest, as I looked down at my wrist. He moved his hand away and I began rubbing it as I traced the crescent scar with my finger and waited for him to digest what I had told him.

"I always had a bad feeling about the Cullens and when we heard that _he_ had, well left you in the woods like that, I knew _he_ wasn't a good person, or whatever _he_ is," he said, watching me trace the scar.

"It all seems like a bad dream now and all I have as a reminder is this scar and the scars inside of me. But that's in the past now. What isn't in the past is what's going on here in La Push. Quil, do you....do you think that it's possible that they've somehow found out how your ancestors turned into wolves and they are now...."

There was silence in the room and Quil and I both had goose bumps and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. He didn't say anything for a long time, but when he finally spoke up, he finished my sentence, "Wolves? I don't know how it could be possible, but if you say there are real vampires in this world then I guess anything is possible, so the wolves we've been hearing, the one on the beach that day and the one just now, could have been Embry or Jake?"

"And what about Sam, Paul, and Jared? They've all changed and stay to themselves now too?"

"No. No, this just can't be. It's too much. I know the stories and all, but this is..."

"I found an old book, about the Quileute people a while back at a book store in Port Angeles. It has a lot of information about the legends and things. I think some of it might be true."

He just stared at me for a long time as he tried to process what I was sharing with him. I wondered if he thought I was crazy or if he felt and knew deep down that there was at least a possibility? After what seemed like a long time, he spoke up again.

"I just don't know Bella," he said, shaking his head back and forth.

"I know. It sounds insane. Maybe I'm wrong, just like I've been wrong about so many other things," I said, speaking more to myself than to Quil, as I focused on the wall across the room.

My head was aching to match the ache in my heart and my eyes were burning from crying. I sat up on the couch and began putting on my wet shoes.

"Hey, where are you going?" Quil asked, with a note of concern in his voice.

"I'm tired and I need to go home," I said, taking my keys from the end table where Quil had laid them when we came in.

"I don't want you driving home alone. Why don't you let me drive you back to Forks? I'm sure your dad wouldn't mind bringing me back."

"No. I'll be okay. Thanks Quil for everything," I said, walking back to the bathroom to get my wet clothes.

"Bella, let me...."

"No, Quil, you've done enough. Do you mind if I keep these clothes? I'll get them back to you someday," I said, feeling the tears building in my eyes again.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm driving you home, then I'll get a ride back somehow," he said, as he slipped a T-shirt on and put his arm around my waist, pulling me toward the door. I didn't have the strength to argue, so I let him escort me to the truck.

The rain had slowed, but was still a heavy mist, which matched the heaviness in my heart. Quil opened the driver's door and motioned for me to get in. I saw him turn and look around behind him, over his shoulder toward the woods, before he climbed in, and it made me have goose bumps again as I wondered who, or what was out there.

He started my truck, turned the heater on, put it in gear, then wrapped his arm around me. I scooted up close to him and let him hold me. He only moved his arm long enough to shift gears on the way home and I had to admit, I'm not sure I could have made it home that night without him.

I glanced up a few times and caught him watching the forest as much as he was watching the road. He was thinking, just like I was, about what we had discussed, but neither of us said anything else about it.

When we finally got to my house, Charlie wasn't there yet, so I asked Quil if he wanted to come in while I changed and I would give him his clothes back. We went inside, I turned on the lights, and told him I would be right back, as I went upstairs to change.

I grabbed some old sweat pants and a T-shirt of my own in my room and changed. I was just coming back downstairs, when I heard voices.

"Hello, sir. My name is Quil Ateara. I'm a frie...friend of Jake's and of Bella."

"Dad," I said as I stepped of the last stair.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I was rubbing my hair with a towel in one hand, trying to get the remaining rain water out of it, and carrying Quil's clothes in the other. My dad could tell that something was wrong.

"Mr. Swan, I drove Bella home. I hope you don't mind, but I didn't want her driving home by herself," Quil offered, but didn't seem to be afraid of my dad.

My dad looked at me and back at Quil, so I decided I better add something to Quil's statement.

"I got caught in a down pour......"

"Yeah Mr. Swan, Jake hasn't been feeling well and Bella came to see him, but she got caught in a down pour. She was upset about Jake, so I had her go to my house to change clothes, then I brought her home," Quil spoke up, finishing my sentence.

I just looked at him and he looked at me while we waited for my dad to say something. The moments seemed to drag on before he finally responded.

"Well, I hate that Jake is feeling bad, but I'm glad you took such good care of Bella for me. Hey, Quil, why don't you have a bite to eat with us then I'll take you back home?"

"Sure. Okay Mr. Swan, if Bella doesn't mind," Quil said, looking back at me.

"No. Um, I don't mind. I need to get something ready," I said softly, walking toward the kitchen.

"I'll help, Bella," Quil said, and followed me.

"Well while you two are in the kitchen, I'm going to get washed up and get out of this gear. Oh, and Quil, you can call me Charlie."

"Okay," he said, as he walked into the kitchen.

I mindlessly wandered to the refrigerator, pulling open the door, and gazing inside. I found several left overs and was grateful that we had them because tonight I definitely didn't feel like cooking. I pulled them out and started putting them into bowls for placing in the microwave.

When I put the first bowl in, some left over beef stew, I punched in the time, and turned around to lean against the counter waiting on it to finish. It was then that I saw Quil staring at me.

"Sorry that it won't be fresh, but I'm just too...."

He crossed the kitchen and came to stand beside me, "It's okay. I know you are exhausted after everything today," he said, rubbing my arm.

"Quil, do you think Jake will ever be the same? Or should I just give up?" I asked, hanging my head in defeat.

He lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. His dark eyes full of concern and compassion.

"Bella, you love him. Right?"

"Yes," I managed to squeak out as a tear trickled down my face.

"When someone loves a person, they don't just give up. I know he may not show it and things may look bleak now, but I think Jake needs you now more than ever. Don't give up on him," he whispered, as he wiped the tear away.

The microwave sounded, so I swapped out bowls, until I had a nice selection of left overs for everyone to choose from. I had just finished setting the table when Charlie came back into the kitchen.

"Bells, let me fix the drinks while you and Quil have a seat," he said.

So Quil and I sat down, and I started pushing dishes toward him, so he could make his choices first. We all picked out something, but I noticed that Quil ate a lot and looked like he could eat more. I had hardly touched my portions, when I told him to finish everything else off.

"Bella, I didn't try anything that wasn't wonderful. Did you make all of this, or is your dad the cook in the family?" Quil asked, trying to make things a bit liter.

"No, Bella is the chief in this house," Charlie said, laughing. "The only thing I'm good at cooking is fish."

I knew my dad didn't mean it, but the mere mention of cooking fish made me remember the night Jake and Billy had come over and how close Jake and I were that night, the night we first kissed. My heart clenched in my chest and a huge lump began to rise up in my throat. I tried to swallow it back down, but it was no use. I jumped up and asked to be excused, as I raced upstairs and ran into my room.

My bed was the object on which I collapsed and I buried my face in my pillow as I let the sobs take over. It wasn't long before I felt someone's hand on my back and the bed push down as someone sat down beside me. I knew it was Quil, even though he didn't say anything for along time. When he did finally began to talk, he said, "Is this the book you told me about?"

I slowly raised my head to look at my night stand. I nodded, trying to wipe my face.

"I've got to be getting back home and Charlie's ready, but can I borrow the book to look at tonight?"

"Sure," I whispered.

"Maybe you can come to La Push tomorrow after school and we can look at it and talk some more?"

"Okay. I guess I can," I said, setting up on the side of the bed.

"Bella, you try and get some rest tonight then and I'll see you tomorrow," he said and he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I'll try. Thanks Quil, for everything. You get some rest too."

Then he stood up, picked up my book, and walked toward the door, but he turned back, "I know things will work out in time. They just have to."

He pulled the door open and left. I heard my dad call upstairs that they were leaving and he said he would be back soon. I got up and went back downstairs and told them goodbye, then went to the kitchen to start cleaning up from dinner. When I had things washed and put away, I went back upstairs and gathered my things for a shower.

The water, hot and steamy, relaxed me which was a good thing. After the emotional upheaval of the afternoon, I felt exhausted and just wanted to get into bed. So, as soon as I finished I climbed into bed but before I could turn out my night light, my eyes strayed to the picture of my lone wolf guardian on my wall.

I don't know what came over me but I whispered, "Jake, I miss you so much," then I turned out the light and fell asleep. But even in my sleep, I didn't rest well. I tossed and turned and dreamed on and off all night. I woke up once hot and sweaty because I had been running from someone or something, then I woke up again later and I was freezing because I was dreaming of being alone in the snow.

When morning finally came, I was actually glad to get up and try to sort things out in my head. Images from the night flooded my mind, as did the memories of yesterday. But I felt determination today, which was the only thing that carried me through the day and by lunch I had decided that I would go to La Push, but before I went to Quil's I would go find Jake.

I didn't care if I had to stay at his house for hours or traipse through the forest. I would find him and he would either tell me to my face that what we shared was nothing and that it was over, or that he was in trouble and needed my help. I had to get answers and he owed that much to me.

When school was over, I trudged out to my truck with a heaviness in my heart and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew that one way or the other, when I returned to Forks later, I would know where I stood be it good or bad, or at least I hoped that would be the case.

As I got closer to La Push, I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest. The rain had just begun to lightly fall but I didn't care. It couldn't have been any worse than yesterday. Jake's house looked quiet and I saw no signs of anyone. So I pulled up near the garage and waited.

With every moment that ticked by, sitting there in front of Jake's little Taj Mahal, I remembered all of the sweet and happy times we had shared there. I could see every touch, every smile, every ounce of care put into taking care of my truck.

I saw the warm sodas Jake had hidden away, and the notes he wrote to the man at the auto part's store. And I saw Jake, my best friend, the one who made me hear music again, the one who made me feel alive and loved and wanted, the one who had captured my heart and now held it captive and in desperate need of answers.

But I was soon pulled from my reverie by a sound. I wasn't sure what it was, or where it came from, but then I saw him in my rearview mirror and I knew this was it. I didn't even think, as I jumped out of my truck and closed the door quietly behind me. He was walking toward the garage, his fists in balls at his sides, his face drawn into a cold, hard mask, and it registered that he didn't even look like the Jake I knew, like my Jake.

I began walking toward him in with equal determination and refused to take my eyes off of him. As he strode toward me, I could see his jaw clinched tightly and noticed that he was larger—much larger than the last time I had seen him, only a few days ago.

His body was taut with ridges I had never seen before. He wasn't wearing a shirt, as a mater of fact, he wasn't wearing much at all. He only had on a pair of ripped, cut off denim shorts which hung low on his hips, exposing tender flesh that I had never seen before.

The rain had intensified and I felt my hair begin sticking to my head and face as it became heavy with rain water. My shirt was clinging to me like a second skin and I was trembling, partly from the cold and rain, and partly from nerves.

As we bridged the distance between us, I slowed until I was standing a few feet from him. The rain made trails along his copper skin and ran down until they dripped off the exposed muscles of his upper body. I swallowed hard and let my eyes move up his chest until I was looking him in the eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he almost growled at me.

"I came to see you. I had to see you for myself and hear you tell me the truth."

"What truth do you want to hear, Bella? That everything is fine and we can go back to the way things were?"

"No. I....I just need to know why? Why you left me?" I said, and I felt my knees began to get weak. It hadn't dawned on me until that very moment that he had left me, not like Edward had in the forest that day, but he had abandoned what we had together, our friendship and my love for him. I wanted to be strong, but when I said those words I began to crumble.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from falling down right there in front of him, but I didn't know how long I could keep it up. I literally was coming undone as I watched his face grow even harder as he looked at me.

"I didn't leave you," he spat out.

"Yes, yes you really did, Jake," I shouted, as the tears started pouring down my face. "I thought we had something so special, Jake. I have never felt the way you made me feel, not for anyone, not even for _Ed....ward_. And if.....you tell me....that you didn't feel the same thing......then you are lying. But, I guess you're getting good at that. Aren't you?" I finished, sobbing and tightening my arms around myself.

"Bella.....no...." he said, then I heard a low growling sound coming from the trees behind him, from the spot he had emerged a short time before.

He stiffened and I saw his body begin to tremble. He looked so angry and hurt and I wanted to reach out to him and hold him, but right at that moment he frightened me. He wasn't the Jacob Black I had known.

"Jake, please just tell me. It comes down to two things, you.....either....want me in your life.....or you don't," I said, as I lost my footing and fell on my knees, just as I had feared I would a few moments ago.

I didn't have the strength to get up and I didn't care if he saw me fall apart. I was hurting and he was the cause, so I wanted him to see how I felt, what he was doing to me. My head was down and I was trying to wipe my face, when I saw his feet move toward me. I flinched and looked up to see his face, full of pain and I even thought I saw tears in his eyes, but the rain was heavier now and it was hard to tell.

Could he possibly be in as much pain as me? What was wrong with him? He used to talk to me and tell me what he was feeling, or at least show me how he felt. But before I could process anything else, he had grabbed me by my upper arms and was pulling me up onto my feet.

"You can't be here. You're not safe. Things aren't like they were—I'm..._I'm not the same_, Bella," he said, in a voice I didn't recognize that came from deep in his chest.

"Jake, I don't care what you ar.....I need you," I sobbed, as he tried to steady me in front of him.

"You don't understand, Bella. I can't be what you need—what you deserve anymore," he said, between gritted teeth.

"Jake, I......survived before......_when he....when he_.....left me, but.....without you," I had to stop and get a breath in between sobs, "You are such a part of me, you're my light in this darkened world and you light my way—you guide me, Jake. I never got the chance to tell you before and it may be too late, but.....I.....love.....you," I said, trying to put as much sentiment into my voice as possible.

He didn't say anything as his trembling slowed some, but he kept his hands on my arms as he took deep breaths and closed his eyes. I was honestly afraid, but I was more afraid of losing him, so I somehow found the strength, pushing my fear aside, to move in between his arms and wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head against his chest.

He was hot and I had chills run up and down my body as I felt the heat transfer from his body to mine. I just wanted him to come back to me, but then I heard a wolf howling in the distance and the next thing I knew Jake had bent down, knocked my legs out from under me and was catching me in his arms, as he ran toward the garage. The rain fell in my face but I tried to shield myself as I clutched at Jake, holding onto him for dear life.

When we made it inside the small shelter, he sat me down and backed away, as the trembling began again, I watched as his entire body quaked before me. I had to help him, so I moved closer and lay my hands on his chest. I could see that it was calming to him and that he was struggling with something deep inside of himself.

"Bella, you deserve better than this. I'm not a good person anymore, I don't even know who or what I am anymore," he whispered, in a husky voice so softly that I found it difficult to hear him.

"I can't believe that. I won't believe that. You have more good in you than anyone I've ever known. And I want you, Jake, no matter what is going on. I want you."

He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my wet hair. I felt him sob once or twice then he whispered, "But it's true and you have no idea what all this means. But Bells, I can't lose you. I have to talk to you, alone. Tonight. Listen tonight. And Bella, stay away from Quil," he whispered very faintly with his mouth pressed to my ear. It was almost as if he didn't want someone to hear.

I heard a yelping sound, similar to that of a hyena then, he was gone. He ran out of the garage and left me standing there alone again. But I strangely found strength in his cryptic words, even though I had no idea what he had meant. One thing that I did know though, was that I wasn't going to follow his instruction. I had to see Quil now more than ever, maybe he could shed some light on the strange things Jake had said.

When I pulled myself together enough, I made my way back to my truck. I looked around, but no one was in sight so I climbed wearily into my truck and pulled away from Jake's house, turning toward Quil's. I kept hearing Jake's words echoing in my mind about staying away from Quil, but I had to talk with him.

As I pulled up in Quil's yard, he must have heard my truck, because he was coming out the door before I had even gotten stopped. He opened my door and immediately pulled me out and helped me into the house.

"Bella, what's wrong? You're soaked again. I thought you were coming straight here? You went to see him? Didn't you?"

There were so many questions and not many answers. My head was spinning and I felt chilled. I was shaking and couldn't seem to stop. Quil disappeared and came back with the clothes I had borrowed yesterday.

"Here, you go get changed again and get a towel for your hair. You're going to catch pneumonia if you don't get dried out," he said, and I just walked numbly toward his bathroom.

When I had changed and tried to dry myself off, wrapping a towel around my hair, I slowly came back out of the bathroom, to find him standing against the wall in his hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked worried and anxious.

"Thanks. Um, I did go to see him. I had to. I had to know what was going on," I said, leaning against the wall beside Quil, and looking down at the floor.

"And?"

"He's so.....so different," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut and letting the hot, salty tears run down my cheeks.

Quil's strong, warm arms were quick to wrap around me and I welcomed his comfort as he pulled me against him.

"Tell me everything he said."

"I don't know. I can't remember it all. Um, he said things like he wasn't a good person anymore and that I didn't understand what was going on. He said I wasn't safe here, but then he said something about tonight and to listen for him. I don't know, it's all so confusing," I said, breathing a deep sigh against his chest.

"Was that all he said?"

"Almost, except he....he told me to stay away from you," I said, looking up to catch Quil's expression.

"Well that means one of two things. Bella, come to my room. I want to show you something," Quil said, and started moving toward his room with his arm wrapped around my waist.

"I don't understand."

He opened the door and motioned for me to have a seat on his bed. I did and watched as he went to his dresser and retrieved the Quileute book and came over to join me on the bed. He sat down close beside me and turned to look at me, as he opened the book.

"Well, knowing Jake and the feelings he has for you, he's either jealous of the two of us being together or he's worried that...well that....something's going to happen to me."

I had felt my face turn red and Quil's first theory, I mean here I was in his house alone with him, in his bedroom, and even on his bed _with him_ but I didn't see Quil like that. I just knew that he and I were going through some of the same feelings about Jake and that we were friends helping each other through a tough time.

Then, as the rest of his statement came out, I felt my face drain of all color and I was cold again. I couldn't help the small tremors that shook my body as I thought about Quil possibly going through the same thing that Jake and Embry had experienced.

"Quil, you don't think that...."

"Bella, I really doubted what you told me yesterday, until I read this book. There is reference after reference in here about the fever, the changes, the losing of oneself to the wolf. They are scattered all throughout the book and if you cross reference and read all of the information, it all points back to the man, the Quileute man, becoming one with the wolf," he said, looking into my eyes, searching for what I was thinking.

"I know, Quil. So you think that they are wolves? And you may...."

"I think that it is very possible that something like this has happened. There are too many signs pointing in that direction, even though I'm not sure I would admit it to anyone but you. And yes, I think it is very likely that I may be next."

I gasped and involuntarily leaned back toward the headboard of his bed. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to calm my racing heart.

"Bella, don't be afraid. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I don't have any of the signs. But I want you to know that if something like this does happen, I'm not going to lose sight of who I am. I'll still be here for you and I will not let it change me the way it has changed them."

"But Quil, you can't say that. You especially can't make promises that you don't even know if you can keep. If this is real and not just some crazy bad dream, then you don't really know _what will _happen."

"I know, but maybe if Jake talks to you tonight you can find out more."

He was right. And I was ready to get home so I could be there when and if Jake showed up. So after telling Quil that I would be fine and promising him that I would call him tomorrow to let him know if I heard from Jake, we wrapped the book in a plastic bag, and I made a run for my truck, just before it came another down pour.

As I drove home, I glanced occasionally toward the darkened tree line and wondered if Jake was out there somewhere, watching me or waiting for the right time to make his presence known. Only time would tell.

When I got home, I quickly changed into some dry clothes and made spaghetti for Charlie. I was too wound up to eat, so I just excused myself and told him I wasn't feeling well, and that I was going to take an early shower.

After drying my hair, I climbed into bed and pulled out my text book to read a chapter for tomorrow's assignment. I must have been very tired, because as soon as I finished reading, my eyes were beginning to close, so I turned off my light and feel asleep.


	14. Forgiveness

Chapter Fourteen

Forgiveness

"_Jake, Jake. Where are you? I can't find my way anymore. I'm lost without you. Jake, Jake!"_

_I was running through the mist in the forest searching frantically for him, for the one I loved, but I was lost. He was gone and I knew I'd never be the same again. It was as if a part of me were missing. but then I saw the lone wolf guardian emerge from the shadows and my mind and heart were full of solace. _

_I sat down on the ground in front of him and he came and lay his head in my lap. His fur was soft and warm, his breath was moist against my face, and we were in the midst of a peaceful moment together, but I was pulled violently from my comfort, when I felt a hot knife as it came down on my shoulder, again and again, until I cried out in pain._

"Bella. Bella, honey, wake up. It's me. It's Jake," I heard his voice, that sweet familiar voice, not like the voice I'd heard today, and then I woke up.

There in the darkness that covered me like a blanket, I felt the heated touch of his hand on my shoulder. It had been that touch on my shoulder that I had mistaken for a knife in my dream, but I wasn't afraid anymore, not like I was earlier today, because I knew that no matter what, he would always be Jacob Black, and it didn't matter that a wolf dwelt within him.

"Jake. How did you..."

"You left the window open. For me I hope?"

I lay there, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness, until I could barely see his silhouette in the darkened room, wondering if I was still dreaming. But when his hand came up to stroke my hair and smooth it out on my pillow, my heart stopped, and I knew I was very much awake.

Pulling myself up into a sitting, I leaned over and turned on my small night light. Then I turned to see Jake's beautiful black eyes, looking at me with such a tortured look in them. I pulled the cover up around my chest, as if to shield me from the pain I had been feeling.

"You know, there was a time, not so long ago, when I thought you loved me and needed me, Jake. But now I know that you don't," I whispered as tears began streaming down my face.

"Oh God, Bella don't say that. That's not true," he said, pulling me into his arms and burring his face in my hair against my neck, "I need you so much. That's why I'm here. Bella, did you really mean what you said today? Oh, I couldn't be without you anymore. I only hope you can forgive me." Then his voice became even quieter, "But, what am I saying? It's you who won't want to be with me, any more."

It was then that I wrapped my arms around him and held him tenderly, gently rubbing his back, feeling his muscles tighten under my touch, then relax as I moved to another spot. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his skin felt so good to me. I hadn't realized just how much I had missed being with him, until we embraced like this.

"Jake, I would never _'not'_ want you. That's why it has hurt so badly not being with you, not hearing your voice, having you avoid me, because, I....I love you, Jake. I want to be with you no matter what," I whispered, as I left a kiss on his collar bone. I felt him shiver from my touch as he leaned into me as if to soak up the very essence of our contact.

His grip tightened around me, then he slowly pulled away to look at me. He took both of his hands and cupped my face in them, just holding me there looking into my eyes.

"But, Bella, there are now things between us. Things I can't talk with you about and it's killing me. I'm slowly dying inside."

"But Jake, I know. I've known all along. I just don't know why you didn't trust me enough with your secret?"

"You know what, Bella?" he asked, looking surprised.

I let my hands roam over his chest as I spoke, "I know what's inside of you. I know that you are a protector of your people. I know that this is your destiny. You are a wolf, Jake, like my lone wolf guardian," I said, pointing to the picture on my wall.

"Bella, I love you so much. How did you know? It was the book, wasn't it? I should never have listened to him. Because of my love for you, I'm stronger than his commands, that's why I'm here now. I found the strength to overcome his commands. That's how much I have to be with you."

"Stronger than who, Jake?"

"Sam."

The mere mention of his name made me gasp. How could he do this to me—to Jake, I wondered.

"Bella, he's our leader. He's the alpha of the pack and he told me I had to stay away from you to protect you from.....from myself. When he first phased, he was the only one, he was alone, and he hurt someone that he loved very much. It was an accident because he hadn't learned to control himself yet. He let his anger take over and he changed right there in front of her. She is a constant reminder to him every day of how dangerous we can be."

"But, Jake, I know that you would never hurt me like that."

"I wouldn't, Bella, and I should never have hurt you by leaving you. You were right today. Please forgive me."

"I do Jake and I understand now what was going on and why you did what you thought was best, but what about Sam? Is he going to try to stop us from seeing each other? Is that why he told me to stay away from you?"

"He thinks he knows what's best and I guess that was this his way of trying to protect you."

"Jake, don't let him keep us apart," I said, moving closer to him and that was all it took.

His hand slid behind my neck, under my hair, and he pulled me forward until our lips were touching. Moments passed with our lips scarcely touching and our breath against the other's mouth was warm and moist. I didn't know what he was doing, but I had to be closer to him. I wanted to taste him against my mouth, so I pressed further and let my tongue move over his wind parched lips, smoothing them, until they were like silk and savoring the sweet honey like nectar I found there.

With his head tilted to the side, he wrapped one arm around my back and moved his other arm to lower me against it, cradling me there against his chest, as he slid his hot tongue between my parted, trembling lips, the moment I gasped at the sudden movement of being lowered into his arms.

This kiss was so much more intense than the first kiss I had shared with him. He was stronger, his body even firmer, and I was being consumed by the heat that rolled off him. I felt the sweat beading on my upper lip and forehead, and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me when he lazily drew his tongue over my upper lip and licked the perspiration away.

"You taste.....so incredibly wonderful, Be...Bells," he breathed against my temple, as he licked the perspiration that had formed there as well.

He had definitely changed in just a matter of days. He seemed so much older now and more confident. I liked how the man holding me was making me feel, but at the same I wanted to make sure that the Jake I had fallen in love with, was still in there somewhere.

"Jake, tell me what it was like. Tell me what you've been going through. I wish I could have been there for you. I could have helped you," I said, regretfully as I slid my hand up his face and into his hair that had been cut short.

He just held me, resting me against one of this knees, as he gazed into my eyes. When he finally began to tell me of his transformation, the night he came home from the movies, I listened, gently stroking what was left of his beautiful hair wishing they had let him keep it, and it was almost like I could see it all playing out in my mind.

"When I finally got away from all of them, I phased and lay there in the forest sobbing, feeling so lost and alone, I thought of you and me and the friendship we had shared, and what we almost had with each other."

"What do you mean, 'what we almost had'?"

"I had planed on telling you that I loved you that night, when everything went to hell. It would have been perfect, the way I had it all planned out in my head, but then....."

"Jake, I knew, well I hoped that I was right anyway, that you had feelings for me. It's okay. So, that night didn't go as we had planned, look at where we are now. I feel like we are closer now than before. You've told me how you feel and that's all that matters," I said, rubbing his chest under my hand.

"I do love you, Bella. So much that it hurts in here," he said, moving my hand over his heart, "To think of never being able to hold you again, to smell the fresh scent of your hair, to see your smile, to taste your lips. So, as God as my witness, I'm going to find a way for us to be together, but you have to be patient and know that I'm trying. Bella, promise me you'll wait for me?"

"I will wait for you, Jake. How long will it be before I see you again?"

"I'm not sure. I'll try to come by when I can, but I'll call you every day."

"Bella, I have to ask you something. What happened between you and Quil?"

I sat up, pulling myself out of his arms with the mention of Quil's name.

"Oh, Jake. Quil....."

"Bella, did you do anything to you?" Jake growled, gritting his teeth together hard.

"Jake, Quil was there for me when no one else was. And I was there for him too. We had both lost you and it helped having each other to lean on. What do you mean, 'did he do anything to me'?"

"I know he was holding you that night. I heard things and I smell him in your room. I just need to know that...."

"Jake, Quil is one of your best friends. It was like he had lost his brother. He told me over and over how much you loved me and kept me believing in that, when I had no hope. Quil was my friend. No, he is my friend and I'm going to be there for him. He knows, Jake. He knows that he's probably going to change soon, but he's ready to embrace what fate has chosen for him and he want's to once again be with his friends, his brothers, you and Embry."

"Bella, are you sure he knows?"

"Yes, he took my book and read it. We've talked about it, Jake. He knows. You have to help him too. He needs to hear some of this from you. It would be so much easier on him."

"Bella, I....I don't want you around him," Jake said, looking at me with worry in his eyes.

"Jake, I have to be there for him. He has no one. He didn't abandon me and I'm not going to abandon him."

"I don't want you being there if he does phase, Bella. He might hurt you."

"Jake, Quil wouldn't hurt me. He's my friend."

"Bella, you don't understand. Things go on inside of us that we can't control and then when we phase, there is so much rage and power within us. The rage is for what we've become and the power is only natural from such a large creature. It's not safe, Bells," he said, rubbing my cheek.

"I'll know, Jake, when he's getting close because of the fever. I'll be watching for the signs."

"Bella, I....I was afraid I would lose you to Quil. I actually thought....."

"Jake, I love you and I'm not just throwing around empty words. I. Love. You. Jacob. Black," I said, as I kissed him once more.

"I have to go, Bells. But, please promise me you'll be careful. I would hold myself responsible if anything happened to you."

"Jake, wait. Don't go," I pleaded, pulling on his arm as he got up off the bed.

"I have to. I don't want them to come here looking for me. I'll talk to you tomorrow, if not in person, on the phone," he said, kissing the top of my head as he walked to the window.

"Goodbye, Jake. Stay safe," I whispered, as I watched him jump from my window. I watched until he disappeared from sight in the moonlight, then closed my window.

I climbed back into bed, and pulled the cover over me, but without Jake there it was impossible to stay warm. I let my mind go back over everything that Jake had told me until I found myself too tired to stay awake and drifted back to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up with a headache from lack of sleep, granted, Jake had only been in my room for almost an hour, but the tension alone was enough to drain me. I got up and tried to get ready for school, but I was moving in slow motion this morning.

I grabbed something to eat on my way out the door and headed for school. I had to try and make it through the day, even though my mind was very much in La Push and on this new set of circumstances I was facing with Jake.

When I got to school, I got out of my truck and started walking into the building. I wasn't really paying attention to anything going on around me. My mind was a million miles away. That's when I heard someone calling my name and looked up, trying to focus on the voice and saw Mike. I had managed to avoid him since the night at the movies, but now I was having to face him alone in the parking lot.

"Bella. Hey wait up," he called from beside his car.

Oh great, I thought. This is the last thing I want to do today.

"Hi, Mike," I managed to get out in a somewhat decent tone.

"Bella, I just wanted to tell you I was sorry about the other night. I had no idea that you were....well you know, with someone, well a guy. I couldn't blame you for leaving like that," he said, looking somewhat embarrassed.

I was taken aback with his apology and even felt a little bit sorry for him, but then it dawned on me that if he hadn't been there that night that all of this might not have happened, at least not right now, and Jake and I might have had our perfect evening together, an evening that I may never get to have with him now.

"Mike, I.....I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry you took things for granted about who I would be with, but you shouldn't have just shown up like that. It's caused a lot of grief for me," I said, trying to maintain my composure.

"Why? Did he do something to you? Has he done something to hurt you?" he began asking, and I was speechless. This was a side to Mike I had never seen.

"No. No, Jake would never intentionally try to hurt me," I said, finishing my statement in a whisper, "I've got to get to class, Mike. I'm sorry," I said, as I ran past him and into the school.

This was hard enough, without having to talk with Mike Newton about it, regardless of how concerned he seemed to be about my well being. Why couldn't he have just thought about my feelings that night before inviting himself on _my_ date?

The rest of the day, I was practically useless. I rested my head on the table at lunch and couldn't eat, didn't talk with anyone, and just tried to keep to myself until the final bell rang for the day. But that's when I began to feel really bad.

I wasn't supposed to see Jake. Jake wanted me to stay away from Quil. Quil needed my help and frankly I needed to talk with someone and considering Jake wasn't available, because of Sam's mandate, I was left with only two choices. I could go home and wonder and wait, or I could go see Quil. The latter option won out.

I went by my house, picked up my Quileute book, and left a note for Charlie, because I didn't have a clue how long I would be in La Push. I hoped I could stay long enough to get all of this off my chest and just talk with the only person I had left to talk with.

I had to pass right by Jake's house when I got into La Push, and my heart stopped when I saw him standing in the front yard. As I drove slowly past, I saw his _other shadows _looming in the distance, so I just drove on by, never making eye contact with Jake, and it nearly tore my heart out.

There in the rearview mirror, I saw him throw the wrench he held in his hand, onto the ground. This wasn't the way I wanted to see Jake, my Jake. He looked so angry and I choked on all the times I had watched him in my mirror as I drove away looking so sweet and lonely without me.

When I got to Quil's house, I was quick to get out and make my way to the front door. I felt like I was being watched, which I'm sure I wasn't, because I couldn't see anyone around as I glanced over my shoulder, but I just needed to be inside with Quil.

The door opened almost as soon as I knocked and Quil was there with a soft smile to greet me.

"Bella, are you okay? You look shaken."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm sorry I didn't call first, but can I come in for a while?"

"Sure, come on in. I was just about to call your house anyway and see what happened last night. Have a seat and I'll get you a soda. You look like you could use it. I'm glad you're not soaking wet today at least," he said, as he went into the kitchen.

He came back out with two sodas and handed me one. He sat down beside me, popped the top on his, and took a drink. I saw Jake in my mind right then, drinking his warm soda in the garage at his house. Oh how I longed for those days again.

I must have been staring at Quil or just off into space as I remembered times past, because Quil was now touching my arm and calling my name to bring me back to the present.

"Bella. Bella. Bella, are you all right?"

"I'm sorry, Quil. I was just thinking about another time, not so long ago," I said softly.

He rubbed my arm and moved closer to me, placing his soda on the table. He took mine from my hand and sat it down as well.

"It's okay. Did you hear from Jake last night? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Huh, I don't know where to begin. It all seems so complicated and frustrating because I really don't know what to do. I guess there isn't anything I can do."

"Bella, just start from the beginning. He came to see you, right?"

"Yes, he came last night. I woke up and he was sitting there, shaking me gently by the shoulder as he pulled me from a dream about a wolf. Ironic, isn't it?" I said, sarcastically, as I stared at my hands, "He told me.....Quil, I'm not sure how much I should tell you, because it will affect you too. This is bigger than both of us. You know that don't you?"

"Bella, I am relatively certain that Jake and the others have somehow channeled the wolf, just like our ancestors, and I'm pretty sure that I'm in line to be one of the next to embrace it, but I'll do so, just like those before me, and besides, I want to be with my friends again. I'd do it just for that very reason alone."

"Okay. But I don't want you to go freaking out on me or anything," I said, looking at him sternly.

"Okay," he replied, patting me on the hand then holding it in my lap.

"We were right. You were right. They are wolves. Well, they can change into them anyway. But because when they first start _phasing_, as Jake called it, they can't control the anger that sometimes feeds the transformation, they have to stay away from everyone, except the other pack members and their immediate family. That's why Jake couldn't see me."

"But, Bella, Jake would never hurt you. He'd die himself first," Quil said, becoming animated.

"I know, I really believe that too, but he said Sam, their alpha leader, ordered him to stay away...."

"What, the hell? Who does he think he is?"

"Jake, said he hurt someone, the woman he was in love with, when he first started phasing, and that he knows how easily it could happen."

"Emily Young. I bet it was Emily. But everyone said she was attacked by a bear," he said, staring at the wall, "But it was, Sam?"

"Yeah. I don't know all of the circumstances, but because he was the first he was alone and probably had no idea what was going on. But Jake is different and so are you Quil," I said, placing my other hand on his and squeezing it with both my hands.

He immediately focused on me again and looked at me with terror filled eyes, before he grabbed me and pulled me against his chest so tight I could hardly breathe.

"No, no, no. Bella, I would never hurt you or anyone else. I just know I couldn't, no matter what, and neither would Jake. We would never....." he whispered into my hair, but I knew he was scared, he was trembling slightly and I wondered if it was such a good idea for him to know all of this, but then on the other hand, he had a right to know, just like Jake and the others did.

"I know Quil. I know."

He slowly pulled away and we looked at each other for a few minutes.

"So what happens now?" he said quietly.

"I don't know. Jake didn't want me around you, I can't be around Jake, Sam doesn't want me around anyone. I just don't know anymore, Quil. I just don't know."

"Bella, I'll make contact with Jake and I'll try to talk some sense into him. I know how he felt about Sam, so I don't think it will be hard to reach him. I don't care what he's become. There is still a part of Jacob Black in there somewhere. It's worth a try. Don't worry, Bella, try not to worry," Quil said, pulling me into his arms.

I rested against him, letting myself go and honestly at that moment I didn't know if I had the strength to continue. After having gone through the pain of losing Edward and learning to let go, finding my solace in my dear sweet Jacob, then having him taken from me by some mystical unseen force that I didn't truly understand, I just didn't know if I had any fight left in me. It was like how I felt in my dream last night—lost in a darkened world without my light.

The tears were now building in my eyes and I didn't try to hold them back, as they slid silently down my cheeks. I relaxed even more in Quil's embrace and just tried to still the worry, uncertainty, and ache that I felt. If only Jake and I could just have our quiet afternoons back again or the walks on the beach. If only he could just wrap his arms around me and whisper he loved me tenderly in my ear, but how could that be with so much fighting against us?

When my tears had subsided, Quil pushed my dampened hair away from my face. He smiled as he smoothed my cheek with his hand, removing remnants of the salty liquid.

"So many wishes and wants, but my hand is empty," I said, quietly to myself.

He took my hand in his, then placed his other hand in mine while he closed my fingers around his large, bronze hand, "Now it's not empty Bella. You still have me and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

We sat there for a few minutes as I stared at our hands clasped together, then I looked up into his eyes. I know Quil had a slight reputation for being a cocky shirt chaser, but deep down, he had the heart of an angel.

"You're right, Quil. We have each other and maybe we can figure this thing out," I said, wiping my face with my free hand. "I brought the book back with me and I thought....well.....maybe we could look back over it and see if we are missing anything."

"Now that's more like it. That's the attitude we have to have. We'll keep fighting and searching for answers until we find them," he said, as he moved to get a drink from his soda.

I took a drink of mine too, then put it back on the table, as I reached for the book, but as I opened the book, something came to me.

"Quil, there seems to be two main reasons the wolves have to keep their distance, one is for safety reasons, but we both know Jake would never hurt anyone, the second is for secrecy, but we....."

"We already know everything," Quil said, finishing my sentence.

"So, that means that if Jake can convince Sam that he's not a threat to me or you and he knows that we know about everything, he won't have any reason to keep Jake from us. Right?"

"That's right. But how do we let him know that?"

"Jake promised he would keep in touch with me somehow. He will probably call me tonight and I can tell him, then he can break the news to Sam."

We were both breathing a sigh of relief and feeling somewhat more upbeat. This might be exactly what we needed to bring and end to all of the restrictions. So we both sat side by side, and thumbed through the book, looking for anything else we might use in our defense.

It was getting late, not quite dark, but I knew I needed to get back home. I thanked Quil for his help and for being there and told him I would call him tomorrow, after I had talked to Jake tonight. We agreed that it might be best if I didn't come down again until maybe the weekend to give Jake time to talk with Sam.

"Bella, be safe going home," Quil said, as he gave me a gentle hug and kissed me on the cheek.

"I will. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

As I stepped off of Quil's porch, I couldn't help but look around again, I guess expecting to see someone watching me, but there was no one in sight, so I climbed into my truck and pulled away.

I slowed down a little as I passed by Jake's house, but there was no sign of him anywhere. I was glad I didn't have to drive by him again. The pain from earlier had been almost unbearable. So I kept going and drove toward Forks.

My mind was a million miles away, trying to decipher the things Quil and I had discussed. I had just rounded the corner, about a mile from my house, but still in a heavily wooded area. I thought for a moment that I saw something from the corner of my eye, but I wasn't sure. I did, however, instinctively speed up.

I glanced once more toward the forest, then back at the road when my headlights caught something dark just ahead in the road. I slammed on my brakes and came to a skidding halt, nearly hitting, none other than, Jake.

I know I screamed as the thought of me hitting him flashed through my mind and when I had the truck at a complete stop, my hands were glued to the wheel, I couldn't move. I was scared to death. What if I had run over him?

But he was fast, and before I knew what was happening, he was prying my hands from the wheel, and calling my name, as he pushed me over and climbed in under the wheel.

"It's okay, Bells. It's okay," he said, putting one arm around me, and throwing the truck into gear. He drove for a few minutes, then turned down a dirt road that wove into the forest. When he had my truck out of sight he stopped, put the truck into park, and killed it.

The silence was deafening and the only movement was that of my trembling. I still couldn't believe what had happened. Then Jake slid us both over toward the middle of the seat and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his lap. I was safe now and we were together. This was the way it should be, always.

"Jake, what are you doing?" I asked, in a faint whisper.

"I had to see you. When you drove by me earlier and I knew you were going to Quil for comfort, Bella, it made me so angry. I know what you said last night, and I believe you, but I was so angry that we weren't together. I wanted you to stop and be with me, but I knew the others were watching. So, when I got free and they went home, I waited outside of Quil's, then I followed you."

"That was you I saw. The blur in the forest, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. I'm fast when I'm in wolf form," he said, smiling at me.

I reached up and touched his face, letting my fingers trace his high cheekbones, his upper lip, and his chin.

"I haven't seen you smile in so long. You're so handsome when you smile," I said, feeling the smooth texture of his skin under my touch.

"You're the only reason I have to smile now, Bella," he whispered, as he pulled closer until our lips were mingled as one flesh.

His skin was hot, yet soothing to me, and I wanted to be here in his arms forever. My arms instinctively encircled his neck and I moved my lips softly, tenderly, against his. But I felt him stiffen and pull away. He looked at me with that same look as last night.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked, in a sincere and quite tone of voice.

"Bella, are you sure you still want to be with me? How can you when....."

"Jake, I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with."

"Are you sure, cause you reek of Quil?"

I couldn't help but laugh and nearly cry at the same time. But for now, it was just Jake and Bells again and I could have him to myself for these few moments where it was just us and nothing else mattered.


	15. I'll Be Right There

Chapter Fifteen

I'll Be Right There

Jake held me in his arms and I rested my head against his chest for a while, neither of us speaking—we needed this moment of reconnecting.

The clouds had begun to roll in and the cab of my truck was getting darker by the minute. I knew we didn't have much longer until he would have to get back to the pack and report to Sam before he was missed.

"Jake, Quil and I have been trying to figure a way around this strangle hold Sam has you and Embry in. He can't keep you away from people who already know about your secret. Quil and I both know and we also know that you and Embry would never hurt either of us. Sam has to ease up on these ancient restrictions."

"Bella, it's not that simple. But you do have a point. One of his main concerns is protecting the secret of the wolves, but you've done a darn good job as detective figuring it all out. I'll have to think about this and make sure we're not missing something."

"Quil and I thought you might go talk with Sam, or maybe I could...."

"No! I don't want you getting mixed up in the middle of all of this," Jake said rather loudly.

"Jake, I'm already mixed up in this because of my feelings for you," I said, smoothing his short, black hair, against his temple.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry you have to go through this," he said, looking into my eyes with the expression of regret and guilt in his.

"Jake, you can't say that. Even if I could go back and was able to change things, the only thing would be that I would have gotten to you and been there for you when you phased. I would have been right by your side so that you knew you weren't alone," I said, taking his face between my hands.

"Bella. I.....I....I love you and nothing will change that. Do you hear me? Nothing."

Jake's facial expression changed and he began to tremble slightly, but I stroked his hair and rubbed his chest and the tension eased.

"I know you do, Jake. We'll find some way, a way for us to be together."

"Sure, sure. I'll try and figure a way to talk to Sam. I've got to go now, Bella. I'll try to call you tonight. Okay?"

"Okay Jake, take care of yourself and get some rest. You look so tired."

"I'm fine. You be careful and remember I love you no matter what," Jake said, as he kissed me with a little more force and emotion than I was expecting and it took my breath away.

I ran my fingers over my lips and felt the heat and tingle he had left behind. I wondered what it meant and why he seemed so intent on letting me know how much he loved me and that his feelings wouldn't change?

He slid me off his lap and cranked the truck. He drove to a clearing in the forest, turned around, and got me heading back in the direction we had come, before putting the truck in park and opening the door. He slid out, but stood in the doorway, just like he used to with his arms propped above his head leaning back into the cab. But this time, the difference was the appearance of his body, how muscular and defined it had become and the fact that he was standing there in just a pair of tattered cut off jean shorts.

I thought to myself that I must be staring at his physic, but frankly I couldn't look away. His body was perfect. His bronze skin had a glow about it as the light from the interior of the cab shown on his chest, stomach, and arms. He was close to me, but not close enough and I wanted to touch him one more time.

Leaning toward him, I let my lips press gently to his. He inhaled and moved a fraction closer to me. I slid one hand up the side of his neck toward his hair and began placing soft kisses down his jaw, to his collar bone, and then into the soft curve of his neck, finally trailing down his shoulder.

He moaned and pulled me against him, before taking my face in his large, firm hands, and finding my lips with his, one last time. Our kiss was full of love and warmth, yet laced with yearning, a yearning stronger than any I've ever known.

When we pulled away from each other, I had to catch my breath. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew a duty was calling him. He moved away from the door, closed it and pressed his hand to the glass, just like old times. But the look in his hollow eyes, was haunting and I didn't want that look to be what I was left remembering during the night. So I smiled at him with the biggest smile I could muster and mouthed an_ 'I love you.'_

His eyes lit up and his lips slightly parted as he too mouthed the words in return then he gave me a smile, not quite as large and bright as the ones I had become accustomed to, but one that would comfort me tonight in my dreams.

I pulled away then and glanced back as he disappeared into the forest. The trees shrouding him in obscurity, but I knew it was his home now. A place that he felt comfortable in and I was thankful for that.

When I got back home, I was surprised that Charlie wasn't home yet. I knew I was much later than I had planned, but he was usually home by now. I ran inside and started rummaging through the refrigerator looking for something to make for dinner when the phone rang.

"Hello. Oh, hi dad. I was just working on dinner. Oh, okay. Well, be careful and hurry home when you can," I said, then I hung up the phone.

He had called to tell me he was working late and he would grab a bite out. He said for me to stay in and lock all the doors because there were some suspicious things going on in the next county. He didn't elaborate so my guess is that he didn't want me to worry, but he wanted me to know to stay in.

With Charlie not coming home for dinner, I decided to just eat a sandwich and went upstairs to do my homework. An hour had passed and I was starting to get sleepy, so I went to the bathroom to get ready for a shower, but the phone rang again, so I ran downstairs to answer it.

"Hello. Hello, is anyone there? Quil? Quil, is that you? What? What happened after I left? Quil, talk to me. No, no. It'll be fine. I'm on my way. You hang on until I get there. Okay? Quil, do you hear me?" but the line went dead.

I grabbed my keys, scribbled a note to Charlie, and left. I knew he would be furious with me for being out like this, especially when he told me to stay in, but Quil was sick, just like the others, and no one was there to help him.

When I got to La Push, I stopped at Jake's house. I was hoping he was there so he would know what to do. I stopped, not killing my truck, jumped out, and ran to the front door. I heard Billy say that it was open and for me to come on in.

"Billy."

"Bella. What are you doing here this time of night?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Billy, is Jake here?"

"No. No, he's not. What's wrong?"

"It's Quil. He's sick, it's happening to him too and he's alone. Is Jake out with Sam and the others?"

"Yes."

"Well, if he comes home or calls, please tell him I'm at Quil's."

"Bella, you can't go over there. It's....it's not safe."

"Billy, I know everything and I'm not going to let him go through this alone. Sam was wrong to try and keep them away from their family and friends when they need someone so desperately," I said, turning to leave.

"Bella. I_ know_ it's not safe. You could get hurt or worse."

"No. You're wrong. I have to go, Billy," I said, and left.

I jumped back into my truck and drove to Quil's house. I killed my truck and got out, running as fast as I could to get inside. When I stepped onto the front porch, I could hear him moaning inside. I eased the door open and peeked in, but I couldn't see him anywhere.

"Quil. Quil. It's me Bella. I'm here."

Then I heard him again and it sounded like he was in the bedroom, so I closed the door and walked down the hall. When I opened the door, I saw him lying on his bed, covered in sweat and just wearing a pair of shorts.

"Bell...."

I didn't even think about all the warnings. I just ran to the side of the bed and dropped down on my knees. I ran my hand over his forehead and felt of him. He was burning up. I hadn't noticed his temperature being higher than normal earlier, so I was confused.

"Quil, you were fine when I left. What happened?"

"I started....hurting....when you left.....I was so worried......about you.....and I couldn't......stop.....then I.....felt my arms and legs.....start to ache.....Bella it hurts so.....bad......I'm.....sorry.....I don't want....to abandon you....."

I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth holding it under the faucet and soaking it with cold water. I ran back to his bedroom and began wiping his face, neck, and chest with the rag.

"You've not abandoned me. Don't say silly things like that. We'll get through this together. Okay? Hey, I saw Jake after I left here this afternoon. I nearly ran over him," I said, laughing nervously, but I wanted to get his mind off his pain.

"You.....did?"

"Yeah, he was a lot like his old self. It's going to be okay. I promise," I said, as I continued to wipe his forehead.

He was quiet for a while then he started moaning again, but I just kept talking to him in a soothing tone, whispering reassurance which seemed to keep him calm. This went on for about an hour, then his demeanor changed and he became restless. My guess was that the change was about to take place, so I told him we needed to go outside.

He tried to stand up, but he was weak, so I tried my best to help him along. His arm was draped over my shoulder and I was pulling him as hard as I could to get him out the door. When we were finally outside, I started shoving him toward the trees behind his house, and I felt him began to tremble, so I started trying to pull away from him, to give him room.

That's when I heard a sound behind me, then I heard Jake shout, "Bella, get away from him! Run, Bella, run!"

I jumped at the sound of his voice and his words seemed to make Quil angry. He began to growl deep in his chest and his trembling got worse.

"Quil, it's okay. I'm not afraid. Its okay, just try and relax."

He looked at me and the painful look in his eyes told me he was about to lose himself to the wolf. I couldn't help but start crying, knowing how much this would change him, at least for a while. I knew how it had affected the others and that made me sad.

He reached out and wiped my tears away, then turned and thrust himself toward the forest, just as he seemed to burst from within. The Quil I had known, my friend, was now a huge warm chocolate brown wolf.

He took two steps forward, as if to get his bearings on all fours, then turned back to look at me. My hand was over my mouth, just to keep me from making a sound. I didn't want to frighten him. He tilted his head to the side and seemed to be wanting to say something when he threw his head back and let out the loneliest howl I've ever heard.

I didn't know what was going to happen next, but I wasn't moving. I wanted him to know that I wasn't afraid and that I would be there until he didn't need me anymore. But that's not what Sam wanted. I hadn't realized that he and the others had followed Jake and were now standing behind me.

"Get her out of here and take her home before Charlie comes down here looking for her," Sam said in a deep unpleasant voice, like I had committed some crime or something.

I heard footsteps from behind, walking up on either side of me, then Quil began growling and baring his teeth as he moved closer to me. The others stopped and I dropped to my knees in front of Quil reaching my hand out toward him.

"No, Bella!" Jake, shouted, but Quil turned his snarling toward Jake, so he backed up.

"Quil," Sam said in a very distinctive voice, like he was making himself known.

Quil turned and looked at Sam, then back at me as he lunged at me and fell down in front of me laying his head down in my lap, almost as if he needed me to pet him. I reached out and touched his soft, warm fur and let my hand sink deep down into it until I could touch his skin.

"Shhh, it's okay now, Quil. I told you I wouldn't leave you," I whispered, and bent down toward his muzzle.

He looked up at me with big, sad brown eyes and whimpered, just as he licked my face.

"I cannot believe this," Sam said from behind me.

I smiled at Quil as he licked me again, then he looked at the others behind me and stood back up. I knew he would be okay now and that he had to go learn how to control himself and how to phase back into his human form, but it was sad to watch him as he moved away and began walking into the forest.

Sam, Jared, Paul, and Embry followed, but only Sam looked back at me, before they disappeared into the forest behind Quil.

"Bella," Jake said, coming around in front of me as he slumped down on the ground like he'd been hit in the stomach.

"Jake. What's wrong?"

He reached out and touched me, right where Quil had licked me on the face. His expression was tortured and more conflicted than I had seen it since this whole ordeal began. I didn't understand what was wrong. I had told him that Quil wouldn't hurt me, which he hadn't.

Jake searched my eyes for a long time, before he said anything. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yes Jake. I'm fine."

"How do you feel, Bella? How did you feel when Quil....when he.....when he looked at you just now? How did you feel when he......licked you?"

"I felt sorry that he was having to go through this, but I was so glad that I was there for him. I promised him he wouldn't be alone," I replied, looking at him feeling confused.

"So, you don't feel strange or different?"

"I didn't want to see him go. I'm worried about him, but....Why? Why do you care, Jake? I would have done the same for you. I wanted to be there for you, Jake," I said, and I felt the tears running down my face.

"Bella, I wanted you with me. I needed you. I wouldn't have hurt you either," he said, his voice choking as he became emotional.

He reached for me and tried to pull me to him, but I got up and stumbled backwards, falling over a limb. I didn't understand why he was acting so strange. Why did he care how I felt when Quil looked at me?

"Bella, please?" he said, getting up and coming over to me.

He reached down and literally scooped me off the ground and into his arms and that's when I realized how much I needed to be there. He wrapped me safe and secure in his arms and pulled me against his bare chest. I began to tremble, I suppose from the stress of all that had happened.

"Jake, I...."

"I love you, Bella. I love you so much. I could have lost you just now. But I didn't. Bella, please tell me how you feel?" he said, sounding desperate.

"Jake, I'm tired and I'm worried."

"Bella, how do you feel about me?" he said, looking down at me cradled against his chest.

I reached up and touched his face, trying to smooth the worry and, what looked like hurt, away.

"I love you, Jake. You know that nothing can change that."

He crushed me to him again, kissing my hair, my forehead, my cheek and whispered thank you over and over again. I knew that he was worried about me when Quil had approached, but this was more than I expected as his reaction to what had happened.

"Come on, Bells. I need to get you back home."

And he started pulling me with him toward the front yard. I was still a little shaken after all that had happened, so I was grateful that he was there. I let him lead me to the truck and climbed in as he slid me over just enough to get in himself. He didn't seem to want to let me go.

"My dad probably won't be back yet," I finally said, trying to break the silence as we drove to Forks.

"Hum?" Jake asked, but I could tell he was thinking of something else.

"He had to work late. He said something about strange things happening in the next county."

Jake immediately turned his attention to me and even looked away from the road for a few seconds.

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't tell me anything else, but that I needed to stay inside and lock all the doors," I said, letting out a long sigh.

I really didn't want to be alone right now, knowing what my dad had said and feeling so drained after the ordeal with Quil and Jake must have sensed my discomfort.

"Don't worry, Bells. I'll stay with you until Charlie gets home."

"You don't have to Jake," I said in rebuttal, even if I did secretly want him to stay.

"Well, I'm staying, so don't worry. Okay?" he said quietly.

After that, I just rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I must have dozed off the remainder of the trip because the next thing I knew Jake was laying my down on the couch in the living room of my house.

"I'm.....I'm sorry, Jake. I must have been more drained than I thought," I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"It's okay. I've never gotten to watch you sleep before. You're even more beautiful when you're asleep," he said softly, as he sat at my feet on the couch.

He looked at me thoughtfully, brushing stray strands of hair out of my face, then traced the contour of my cheek with his finger. It felt so good to have him touch me. I needed to feel his touch all the time. I had missed it so much.

"So what do we do now? Do you think Quil will be okay?" I asked, as I moved my legs off the couch and placed my feet on the floor.

"He'll be fine. I couldn't believe you stayed with him through it all. He seemed so much more calm than the rest of us were," Jake said, looking at me with regret.

"You shut me out, remember? I would have been there for you too, Jake," I whispered.

"I know. It should have been different," he said, as he began shaking his head from side to side.

"What do you think Sam will do now that he knows I know about everything?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure that I'll be finding out soon. He didn't look too happy."

"Jake, let me talk to him. If he knows how I feel and that I won't betray the pack, maybe he'll lighten up."

"He'll find me when I get back to La Push and we'll see what he has to say," Jake said, rubbing my hand. "Why don't you go get a shower and get cleaned up? I'll hang out here until you get out and if Charlie comes, I'll sneak out your window."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go get ready for bed," he said, standing up and pulling me to my feet.

He kissed my forehead and I told him to help himself to whatever he wanted in the refrigerator before retreating upstairs and gathering my things for a shower. Once inside the bathroom, I made it a quick one, so I could get back out and spend some more time with Jake.

I hurried down the stairs still drying my hair with a towel, only to find him standing in the kitchen eating a sandwich.

"See, I knew you were probably hungry," I said, coming to stand beside him.

"I was, thanks," he said.

"No word from my dad yet?"

"The phone hasn't rang and I've not heard him pull up yet," Jake said in between bites.

When he had finished, he drank a glass of milk and I took his dishes to the sink to rinse them out. I felt him touching my hair while I worked at the sink and I wondered what he was thinking. He seemed so quiet.

"Jake, what's on your mind?"

"I was just remembering how much I like the way your hair smells. It's even stronger now, fresh out of the shower. I wake up sometimes in the morning with that scent lingering in my mind and I think I can almost smell it. You don't know how much I've missed just being with you."

I reached for a dish towel, dried my hands, and turned to face him, as I leaned against the counter. So he thinks about me, I thought, and it made me feel good knowing that at least I had been with him all this time in his thoughts and memories.

"I'm glad you think about me."

"Do you remember the song that was playing when I put the radio in your truck?" he asked suddenly.

"_Some day lady you'll accompany me, where the rivers meet the sounding sea, flying high above me wild and free, someday lady you'll accompany me. _Yeah, I remember," I said, feeling myself blush.

I smiled as I remembered the song and how I had thought of it the day we went to the beach and I was looking down at him while he lay in the sand and how I hoped it was a sign that someday we would be together.

"I listen to that song all the time. I bought the cd after that. It makes me think of you—of us and the way things used to be," he said, sounding reminisant.

I leaned forward and lay my head on his chest, just listening to his breathing. His arms were quick to envelope me and we held each other for a long time. It wasn't until I yawned that he leaned back and looked down at me.

"I'm sorry."

"No. It's getting late and you need to get in the bed. You've got school tomorrow. I'll tuck you in," he said, smiling at his little offer.

I couldn't refuse, so he led me upstairs, opened my bedroom door, and he began pulling cover back for me on my bed while I dried my hair, then I climbed in and he tucked the cover around me. He lay down beside me and pulled the book about the Quileutes off of my night stand, opening it and propping it up on his chest to look through.

My eyes were getting heavy and I remember him saying a few things like, 'Quileute warrior,' 'spirit fire,' 'ceremony,' and 'wolf,' before I fell into a deep sleep right there curled up beside him. The next thing I remember was my dad kissing me goodnight and turning off my night light, when he got home.

The next morning, when I woke up to the sound of the alarm, I first thought that I had dreamed everything. It wasn't until I shook my head a few times that I realized that it had all been very real and I would have to spend the rest of the day wondering how Jake was, where he was, and how Quil was.

As I got ready for school, I also wondered if I would hear from anyone or if I should try to go to La Push after this afternoon. And those were the thoughts that occupied my mind the rest of the day. I honestly couldn't tell you much of what happened at school, but I was so glad to see the hands of the clock finally show three o'clock that I almost cried. I was ready to get out of there for the weekend.


	16. You Have To Tell Her

I just wanted to thank everyone who voted for this story for the Best Work In Progress (WIP) at SOB and let you know that I won 5TH PLACE. You can see my winning banner on my profile page. Also, don't forget that this story has also been nominated for Best Jacob Category in the 2009 Twilight Awards and you can vote at hxxp://forum (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/ (just remember to put a "tt" in place of "xx" and remove the (dot) replacing it with a period. Thanks again for reading my story and I would appreciate your vote.

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Chapter Sixteen

You Have To Tell Her

Jake's POV

It was just before eleven o'clock when I heard Charlie drive up outside. I knew I had overstayed my welcome and had to get out of Bella's room before he caught me there. I didn't want to leave her. She looked so peaceful lying next to me and even though she had been asleep, I felt so close to her, so it was hard to pry myself away.

I got up and bent down placing a soft kiss on her forehead before making my way to the window. I climbed out onto the eave, closed the window behind me, and jumped stealthy to the ground. I heard her bedroom door open and saw her light go out, so I assumed Charlie must have been checking on her.

As I ran into the woods, I wondered what had Charlie out so late. He normally was home much earlier. Then I remembered what Bella had told me tonight and I started to worry that maybe he was working on something that might soon involve the pack.

I phased and picked up my speed as I raced toward La Push. I could feel Sam and someone else. My guess was that it was Quil and I was right. I focused on what they were thinking and it was basically Sam giving him the drill about how to act and what to do. Then Sam's presence faded and it was just me and Quil, which was okay, but when Quil realized I was present he started to show me images of him and Bella together.

I'm not sure he was doing this on purpose, but it almost made me crazy. I could see him holding her while she cried because of me. I saw him stroking her hair and whispering reassurances to her and I began to see red.

"_Turn it off, Quil,"_ I thought vehemently.

"_No! Hell no! I'm not going to turn it off. You need to know this."_

"_I'm almost there and then we'll see what I need to know,"_ I said, growling and letting it erupt into an all out howl as I ran through the night.

It had been bad enough for me to know that he was the one who was there for her when I wasn't. The day she drove by and saw me at my house but just kept going, had almost killed me. I knew she was running straight for Quil, my best friend, and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it, except lurk around and wait.

I knew Bella had said they were just friends and I wanted to believe that was the case for Quil, but I knew him. I knew he was always after the girls and I didn't want him to be after mine.

When I came closer, Quil greeted me with a firm stance, feet spread apart, head slightly raised, and teeth bared. I took the same stance and we squared off. I was getting my message across to him, one way or another.

"_I don't know what you are trying to prove, but you know good and well that I'll fight for her,"_ I said, growling at him.

"_Good. I'm glad you would. That's the way it should be when you love someone. But I saw it in your eyes today. I saw the fear when I phased. Why Jake? Why have you kept all of this from her? She's a good person Jake and she deserves better than this. She has to know. Sam, and all of you have been wrong to keep this from us. You saw how much Bella helped me today. She could have helped you too."_

I knew he was right about the fear, about Sam, about everything, but it was too late now and I couldn't change the past. I let my thoughts slip and become exposed to him as I remembered lying on the ground crying, mourning what I thought was lost with Bella, and Quil saw it all.

"_It wasn't right to have to go through something like this alone, even if you did have your brothers to join you later. There was that brief time when you needed to know you were still human, to have that contact and connection. That's what Bella gave me and I focused on that, on her touch and her tears and she kept me from losing it Jake."_

"_I know. I saw it, I felt it, and I wanted that for myself, but it was too late."_

"_Yeah it is for the phasing, but Jake, I saw your reaction when you thought I had imprinted on her too. What are you going to do? You realized that it's not only you who is in danger of imprinting on someone, but that one of us, maybe the next to phase, may.....imprint on her. I've felt the imprint through Sam and I know how strong it is, but I also know how his heart feels and what it did to him, not to mention what it did to Leah. When you love someone, as much as you and Bella love each other, I'm not sure if you imprinted, or one of us imprinted on her, that either of you would ever survive without your heart slowly withering from the inside out."_

"_I know. I had been so worried about me imprinting, that I never thought about Bella and one of the others or you until today. It was bad enough, me just knowing you were close friends with her. I think I would go mad if I knew one of my brothers was taking her away from me."_

"_And what do you think it would do to her? It would kill her if you found someone else Jake."_

We both eased our stance and I sat down on my haunches, suddenly feeling drained. Quil was right in everything he was saying. It hurt like hell thinking that I might destroy Bella if something happened and I found her,_ my imprint_. I didn't want that and I knew, deep inside of me that I would fight it no matter what. I wouldn't tell anyone if it were to happen and I would love her twice as much to compensate for my secret.

Then I thought about how it would feel to possibly see one of the others, Embry, or maybe someone who hadn't phased yet, look into Bella's eyes and in that moment pull her away from me. I'd never be able to be around them again. I don't care how sacred imprinting is for our kind. Just the thought of either scenario made my heart ache.

"_I don't know what to do, Quil. She and I were at a place that I've always dreamed of and she trusts me, or she did, not to hurt her. I can't let it happen. And now, she has no idea what being around us could possibly do to her. Sam knew this all the time. That's why he wanted to keep her away from me and from La Push. He didn't want her to be devastated by this crap."_

Quil plopped down on the ground beside me and looked up at me with worried eyes, _"Yeah, it sucks to think he was just trying to protect her, even if he did it the wrong way. But, you know what Jake? Just like Bella and I didn't give up on figuring this out, maybe there's a way to prevent it. The book! That book she has about the Quileutes, maybe there's an answer in there."_

He had a point. If it had helped them, then maybe it would help me find out a way around this curse, if you will.

"_I'm glad you're finally with us Quil. I've missed the way things were. Have you talked Embry?"_

"_Yeah, he helped me earlier and I'm going to patrol with him tonight, you know he's going to teach me the ropes,"_ Quil thought and rolled his eyes as he let out a throaty laugh that sounded like a sick bark.

"_Well, I'm going home to get some sleep. I'm beat. I'll see you tomorrow and maybe you're right. Maybe there is something that Bella and I can do."_

"_Yeah, but the first thing you have to do Jake is tell her everything. I know she'll be worried and probably upset, for a while at least, but she has to know. And if you don't tell her, I will," _Quil said, before getting to his feet.

I just nodded my head, got up and started back toward my house. He was right again, I had to tell Bella the one thing that remained between us. The one thing I had been withholding from her and hope that she understood and had as much interest in helping me look for an out to imprinting, as she did in helping Quil through his phasing.

When I got home, I went straight to the bathroom, took a shower, got out and brushed my teeth, then went to my room and fell across the bed. I lay there for a few moments thinking about how good it had felt the last few days to be with Bella some and I made a silent promise to myself and to her that I would fight imprinting until the day I died, so that only left one problem, how to keep one of the others from imprinting on Bella. I would have to face that problem tomorrow, now, but I needed sleep.

The next morning, I was pulled from my sleep by the sound of my dad calling my name, "Jake. Jake. Get up," he said, hitting me on the foot that was hanging off of the bed.

"Where's the fire?" I asked, throwing my arm over my face to shield it from the early morning sunlight.

"Come on, get up. Sam called and he wants you to meet him and Quil at the cliffs. He said something about the three of you running up to the Canadian boarder this morning. If you want to eat before you leave you better hall your butt up out of bed."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. I'll be glad to go back to school next week," I grumbled as I threw the sheet back and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

I sat there for a few minutes, rubbing my eyes before I finally got up and went to the bathroom. After I brushed my teeth, I pulled on my pair of cut off sweat pants, and went toward the smell of food.

My dad had a plate of bacon, three fried eggs and a pan of biscuits setting in front of my usual place at the table.

"You'd think there were three of me?" I said, as I sat down at the table.

"Well, you've been eating like there were three of you in case you haven't noticed," he said, laughing as he wheeled over to the table with his modest plate of food. "Besides, I didn't know when you might get to eat again, so I wanted you to be fueled and ready to go for the day. It'll be a long trip to the boarder."

"Yeah, you're probably right," I agreed as I started eating.

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I had the first two eggs down and was working on the third. The biscuits were still hot, so I got up and grabbed the jar of jam from the refrigerator, and sat back down. Hot biscuits with strawberry jam were one of my favorite foods.

"Jake, I want to talk to you about Bella. You know yesterday was the first time she's been around here since you began phasing. I've missed her and Charlie and I know you have too. I want you to lay your cards on the table and tell me how you feel about her and how she feels about you?"

"Why? You haven't wanted to know since all this crap started." I said flatly, putting a spoonful of jam on my biscuit.

"Jake, I told Bella she and Charlie were always welcome here when the incident happened with Sam and I meant that. I need to know how you feel."

"I love her dad, and she loves me. But it's not that simple anymore," I said, staring at my plate and remembering my talk with Quil last night.

"No son it's not that simple anymore, but I don't want you or her to give up on what you feel for each other. I want you to be happy. Jake, you deserve it. I know things haven't always been easy around here, but you've never complained. You and Bella deserve a shot at a normal life."

"Well, normal and life don't go hand and hand any more are far as I'm concerned. Now do they?" I asked looking over at him.

"There are things we can do to help remedy that and the first thing is I'm inviting Charlie and Bella over for dinner tomorrow night. The second is, I"m having a talk with Sam. Bella said something yesterday that struck a cord with me and I think she's right. She knows everything now, of her own accord, and she's safe here so it's time we brought this family back together. You need that support too."

"That's great dad. I'd love to see them. I'd love to just spend some time with Bella, like....like we used to. But you're forgetting one detail that can't be overlooked. Imprinting."

"I know. Have you talked with her about it yet?"

"No. I don't even know where to begin. She and I are just now moving toward being close again, she's starting to trust me again, and now I have to tell her, 'oh Bella, by the way, I may see some girl someday that I can't stay away from. It will be stronger than anything you and I have ever had and I'll be sucked into her world like it was a black hole. And, by the way, um, the same thing may happen to you with one of the other wolves. So, to be on the safe side, don't look any of them in the eye.' Yeah, that talk is going to go over like a lead balloon."

I had suddenly lost my appetite. I pushed my plate away and put my head in my hands, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, then letting it out in a sigh. I felt my dad reach over and touch me on the hand.

"Jake, your grandfather used to always say, 'where there's a will there's a way,' and I'm a firm believer in that saying. We'll take this one step at a time and try to find a way. I'm going to go see Quil, Sr., today. He'll have as much information as anyone about the legends."

"I'm not sure you should talk to him, dad," I said, looking up at him.

"You know how Sam has been trying to keep me and Bella apart, don't the rest of them, the elders think the same thing?"

"Son, we were all young once and we've all loved. It's not always about the forces at be; sometimes it's about the affairs of the heart. We'll find a way."

"Thanks dad," I said, looking back at my plate.

"Go ahead and eat it. You may not get another chance to eat until tonight."

I knew he was right, so I ate the rest of my food and quickly washed the dishes, so my dad wouldn't have to, before I left.

"Thanks for the breakfast dad," I said, as I patted him on the shoulder.

"You're welcome. You guys be careful out there today and enjoy running and being free. And while you're at it, jump a few logs for me," he said, laughing and rubbing one of his withered legs.

"Hey, don't talk like that. You know you can out wheel me any day," I said, trying to turn what he had said around.

"Get out of here before I run over your foot," he said laughing.

So I left, closing the door behind me as I stepped off the porch into the misty morning air. It was cool, but it didn't bother me. That was one of the things I _did _likeabout being a wolf, the dispensed necessity for wearing heaving clothing.

I pulled my shorts off, fastening them to the leather cord on my leg, stretched, and let the heat consume me, as I once again became the russet wolf.

Turning toward the cliffs, I picked up on Sam's connection, but Quil hadn't phased yet.

"_Where's Quil?" _I inquired.

"_He's coming out now. We'll be there in a few minutes."_

As I ran, I wanted to think things over, but I didn't want Sam in my head just yet. So I just thought about how much I loved Bella, concentrated on how beautiful she was, remembered all of the times she had smiled at me and all of the carefree times we had shared before I started phasing. I was hoping these thoughts might help to prove my case when it came time to confront Sam.

I had been waiting on Sam and Quil for at least ten minutes when they finally arrived. I had sat down on my haunches and was watching the ocean spray dance along the cliff face from where I was securely secluded amongst the trees that lined the cliffs.

"_Good of you to join me," _I thought sarcastically and let out a throaty bark.

"_Yeah, well, Quil couldn't get it together this morning. Jake, I wanted you to go along with us today. It will be just me and Quil next week when you go back to school. I know you have already learned a few moves and wanted you to help Quil learn them too. Quil, Jake has already mastered phasing and can phase on the fly. That will be handy if something crazy goes down and you need to phase immediately. We're going to run up toward the Canadian boarder and trail it for a while then come back down. I also wanted to hunt on this trip. We never know when we might get separated and need to find our own food."_

Quil squirmed visibly at the thought of eating wild game and I had to admit, I happened to be rather fond of my food cooked and on a plate too. But, I guess Sam was right. You never know when certain survival skills would be necessary. After all, we were created to battle against the cold ones and we all knew they existed. What we didn't know is when they would come snooping around the rez, so we had to always be ready.

We fell into formation and began weaving our way north, running fast and hard just to exercise our muscles, staying in the thick foliage, masking ourselves amongst the trees. When we came to spot that was questionable, not wanting to get anywhere near the civilized areas, we would go one at a time, single file, until the greenery thickened up again.

The time passed quickly and not much was communicated between us, we just let the wolf take control and ran. I was thankful that Quil had apparently mastered the ability to keep his thoughts sealed. I wasn't ready to confront Sam, just yet, about Bella. I wanted a little time to try and figure things out on my own and to see what my dad found out.

When we neared the boarder, Sam slowed, so we too fell back until we were at a standstill, all of us catching our breath at a cool, crisp stream that flowed from a nearby river.

"_Well, distance doesn't seem to be an issue for either of you. You both did a great job. Now on our way back home, we are going to fan out, heading west and do some tracking and probably try and find a herd of deer. Quil, I know you're getting hungry, that's all you've been thinking about."_

"_No, I'm not. I haven't even noticed,"_ Quil thought defensively as he aversion to raw meat popped into his mind.

"_Come on let's get going,"_ Sam ordered, so we fanned out, a span of about a mile apart and started weaving our way back toward La Push.

We hadn't gone five miles when I ran through a trail that I hadn't ever smelled before. It crawled along lazily on the ground like those warm air currents in the summer that give you chills in the night air when they tickle your bare feet, but unlike the fresh night air, this scent was repulsive to my senses and I think I even gagged.

"_Jake, what is it?"_ Sam inquired immediately.

"_I think I've picked up the trail of a....of a vampire, Sam,"_ I replied somewhat in shock.

I had been fortunate, so far, to not have encountered any. I hadn't even gone near the Cullen's old place yet, Sam had wanted me to wait a while. But this smell, made me have feelings and sensations that I'd never known before.

I felt protective of my people and my land, even though we were still miles away. I worried about Billy, and Bella and Charlie. Thoughts and feelings came rushing at me, but were quashed by the desire to hunt down and destroy the source of this wretched scent.

Quil and Sam joined me within minutes and Sam told Quil to take up the trail too, he wanted him to familiarize himself with the scent. This was something that we would never forget, once we had been exposed to it.

All three of us picked up the trail and started running with it, noses to the ground, ears perked and alert, but the trail ended abruptly at the river.

"_It must have followed the river down, maybe even swam. We'll stay close to the water and see if we can pick it up again,"_ Sam said, as we began running at a steady speed back toward La Push.

"_I don't think we're going to pick it back up. I can't see it having swam this far,"_ I commented after about ten miles of searching.

"_Yeah, you're probably right, Jake. I bet it came out on the other side. I just hope it stays away from the reservation," _Sam replied.

"_Sam, Charlie was out until late last night on something he wouldn't tell Bella about. He just said some strange things. Do you think it could have been....."_

"_Interesting. I'll see what I can find out and be sure and tell me if you hear anything else," _he replied.

We had gone another five miles or so when we came to a clearing and I picked up the scent of deer and a lot of them.

"_Is anyone hungry?"_ I asked, as I crouched down low and crept up toward the herd.

"_Let's see what you've got,"_ Quil thought with a slight hint of sarcasm.

"_Are you getting your own, or are you going to share mine?"_ I thought back and he was beside me instantly.

"_My own, thank you very much,"_ he replied, just as he sprang forward from our hiding place and started after a large buck.

I zeroed my sights on one too and the chase was on, but it didn't last long. We were no match for the animals and both Quil and I took ours down at the same time. Sam followed and got a smaller doe, then we all ate until we couldn't hold another bite. I only caught a few thoughts of disgust from Quil as he finished his off. I guess he had decided that if worse came to worse, this was better than starting, just like I had.

"_Well, I guess today was a success. I just wish we could have taken the bloodsucker down,"_ Sam said, as we finished and began running back home.

"_Yeah, so do we,"_ I said, trying not to think about the dangers that were still out there.

When we got back to La Push, it was three o'clock, so I took a quick shower, changed clothes, and got cleaned up.

"How did it go today?" my dad asked, as I emerged from the bathroom.

"We did good. We all hunted and ran across a trail. I'm worried that there's one out there working its way here," I told him.

"Well, I know you and the others will take care of it before that happens, so try not to worry about it, Jake," he said, sensing my distress.

"Yeah, sure, sure. I'm going to go see Bella," I said, picking up my car keys.

I didn't figure he would say too much to me about driving after all that had been going on, that was the least of his worries.

"Are you going to tell her today?"

"No. I wanted to wait until they came over for dinner. I've got......I've got a few things I want to check out first."

"Well, I'm on my way to see Quil, Sr., now. We can talk tonight when you get back home. I called Charlie at the station and invited them over tomorrow. He said they would be glad to come, so tell Bella for me."

"Okay, dad. Thanks," I said, as I walked out and closed the door.

I pulled into Bella's driveway and was glad she wasn't there yet. I wanted it to be a surprise that I was there. So I climbed out and leaned against the hood of the Rabbit waiting. When she rounded the corner and saw me, she had the biggest smile on her face. I was glad to see her smiling, but I also had a pang go through my heart because of what I still hadn't told her.

She parked her truck and before she could climb out, I was at her door opening it, pulling her of the truck and into my arms.

"How's my baby doing today?" I asked, as I nestled my face into her hair.

"Oh, she's running okay today, even if she lost her mechanic," she said, pulling away slightly to look up at me.

"She never lost him. He's just had a lot on his plate, but hopefully that is going to start balancing out," I said, as moved closer and let my lips barely touch hers.

"So, do you want to come in?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I said, taking her backpack and placing it on my shoulder and holding her hand in mine as we walked up the steps and into the house.

"I'm glad you're here Jake," she said, looking down at our hands intertwined, "Even if it isn't your little Taj Mahal, I'm glad you're here with me."

"I miss those days too, Bells. I wish more than.....more than anything that we could go back to that time, but we can't."

I saw a tear slip down her pale cheek and took my finger and wiped it away. As I looked at her, knowing she was melancholy I felt even worse for what I would be telling her tomorrow night. But I wouldn't let it show now. I wanted to be with her and look through the book with her, maybe I could find something before she came to my house.

"But," she said, wiping her eyes and putting on a smile, "We're just sort of starting over, you know. We will just make new memories, Jake. Right?"

"You bet we will," I said, kissing her on the forehead, "And we'll start by having you and Charlie over to my house tomorrow night for dinner. And, I'm also hoping I can find someone to help me get caught up on my lessons next week when I go back to school," I said, ducking my head to look her in the eyes.

"Oh, so you come around groveling, offering a girl dinner at the finest establishment in La Push and you think she's going to fall for the 'need help with my homework' routine?"

I couldn't help but laugh. I suppose it did sound lame the way I phrased it, but I knew I'd need her help, well not so much need, as wanted an excuse to be with her every night next week.

"Okay, so you've busted me, but you can't say I didn't try to put the moves on you," I said, inching closer to her.

"What? Jacob Black putting the moves on me? You'll have to catch me first," she said suddenly and started running toward the staircase.

I was afraid she might fall if I chased her too hard, so I let her get a good safe head start, but still managed to make it to her room quickly, just as she fell back onto the bed. Her hair splayed out around her head and her laughter was shaking the bed. She looked so beautiful and happy now and I wanted to be a part of that.

I lay down on the bed beside her and ran my hand over her cheek, then I bent down to kiss her, turning her laughter into a soft whimper. The kiss was playful at first, but soon turned into a kiss of wanting, of wanting to be there for each other and take all of the things away that had caused us to be apart. Those few moments that passed had us both lost in the same world together.

Pulling away, not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to look for answers in the Quileute book, I sat up looking down at her, smoothing her hair out on the bed.

"So, does this mean you'll help me, even if I was _putting the moves _on you, as you put it?"

"You know I'll help you with anything, Jake. I'll be there for you, all you have to do is ask," she said, coming up to meet me.

I reached over and picked the book up off the night stand and opened it. I only hoped there was something, anything that would give me a clue as to what I could do to dispel the imprinting, before it was too late.


	17. The Last Secret

Hey everyone!! I come bringing a new chapter and asking a favor. If you haven't voted for this story in the 2009 Twilight Awards, you only have until March 15th to get your vote in. It has been nominated in the Best Jacob category (**go here to vote **- hxxp://forum (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/ **just take out the xx and put in a tt and change (dot) to a period**) Please show the love and vote for Jake. Thanks so much for reading and supporting my stories. You don't know how much it means to me.

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Chapter Seventeen

The Last Secret

As Jake thumbed through my book, I watched his facial expression change from curiosity to frustration. He seemed very intent on finding something, like he was doing research and all I could think about was how much I had craved his company and those quiet times we had shared together.

Here he was, alone with me in my room, but there was a distance between us. He still wasn't completely back to his old self, but I guess with the changes he had undergone that was understandable.

"You know, I was praying my truck would keep messing up that day I came to see you. I wanted a reason to show up at your doorstep and I was so lucky that it all happened the way it did," I whispered, drawing nervous circles on my comforter.

Jake stopped looking through the book and brought his head up to meet my reluctant eyes. I hadn't wanted to share all of my secrets with him, but right then I felt like I needed to let him know how much I wanted to just be the way we used to be.

But instead of him looking surprised, he almost had a look of uncertainty in his eyes which made me regret telling him. I'm sure my face was pale and I almost felt faint. Why had I opened my big mouth? Why hadn't I just let well enough alone and been happy that he was here, even though he wasn't paying any attention to me?

"I don't mind that you used your truck to get to me. As a matter of fact, I find it flattering," he said, giving me a cocky little smile.

"I didn't _use_ my truck. I just wanted to see you again and....."

"Bella," he said, placing his finger to my lips, "I wouldn't trade a single moment that we've spent together in my garage over the truck. My baby is the most important thing in the world," he concluded and let his finger trail over to my cheek where he cupped my face in his hand.

We were quiet then for a few minutes before that same look came back into his eyes and he looked back down at the book. I lay across my bed and watched him for a long time.

"You know. I've read almost everything in that book. If you want to know something in particular, I'd be glad to help find it."

"Do you mind if I take it home with me? That way I know you'll come La Push tomorrow to get it back," he said smiling.

"You know I wouldn't miss coming over tomorrow for anything, book or no book. I'll be coming to see you," I replied, sitting back up on the bed beside him, "But, I'll just keep my book here tonight and I'll bring it with me when I come. Maybe that would insure that you'll be there when I come to see you."

"Okay, okay. I give. I'd hate to think of holding your book ransom for a visit," he said laughing.

"Yeah and now I better go get something started for dinner. Charlie will be hungry when he gets home. Will you come talk to me in the kitchen?" I said, pulling him with me as I made my way toward the door.

"Okay. I guess if you spent all that time with me in the garage, I can spend time with you in the kitchen," he said.

Jake and I went to the kitchen and he leaned against the counter while I put some eggs on to boil and opened a few cans of tuna. I put the tuna into a bowl and got out the mayonnaise, pickles, and an onion.

While I was chopping the onion and pickles, Jake, leaned down onto the counter beside me on his elbow.

"I told the man at the auto part's store that someday I'd make you mine. I just thought I'd throw that out there because you were coming clean about the truck," he said smiling at me.

"So that's what all those notes and glances were about. I guess I should feel flattered too?"

"I hope so, but I'm just being honest."

We talked for a while as I got things finished for dinner and Jake stayed and ate with us. When it was time for him to leave, he made me promise again that we would come to dinner tomorrow, then he drove away and I went back inside to get ready for bed.

The next day went by quickly. I had to clean the house, do laundry, and other chores. I also wanted to make a dessert to take to Jake's that night.

When I finished the housework, I pulled out a cookbook and thumbed through it looking for something Jake would like. I settled on a double chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and a recommendation to garnish with chocolate shavings. I gathered everything I would need and began working on the sinful creation.

After putting the cake in to bake, I went upstairs to get ready for tonight. This was the first time Jake and Billy had asked us over since Jake's transformation. I was excited about going, hoping Jake and I would be able to spend some time together.

By the time Charlie got home, I had the cake finished and was ready to go. He had to work today, saying something about more strange events going on in the nearby counties. So, while we drove to La Push, I tried to get him to tell me what was going on.

"So, what did you find out today with your investigation?"

"Oh, not much. We don't have any leads yet and it's really frustrating because we had another hiker who's gone missing. I'm afraid it may not be good," he replied, without looking at me.

I could tell he was worried and I was starting to worry too. The first thing that came to my mind was that it might be....no I couldn't even think it. I didn't want to think about it, but the fact remained that it might be a vampire that was plaguing the area.

The possibilities played out in my mind the rest of the way to La Push. I knew if it was a vampire it wouldn't be the Cullens, but that made me even more frightened. That meant that what might be lurking around out there could very well be a creature that had no regard for human life, not mine, my dad's, not Billy's, not Jake's, or anyone's on the reservation. I shuddered at the thought of anyone I knew getting hurt or even worse, being killed.

Charlie hadn't even turned off the ignition to his cruiser yet when Jake appeared at my window. He smiled at me and looked so happy that we were there, yet I could see a hint of something....something I couldn't quite put my finger on and it worried me.

He opened the door and was reaching for me when I had to stop him. I had the chocolate cake that I had slaved over sitting in my lap and needed to hand it to him, before I could get out. But I had no idea he was going to be a wise guy.

"Hey, Bella. Hey, Charlie," Jake said as he ducked his head into the car, eying what I was holding.

"I made something for us to have for dessert," I said, offering the sinful chocolate cake to Jake through the open door of the car.

"This looks so good that I can see myself licking the plate. Thanks Bells," he said, as he took the cake, closed the door, and started walking off leaving me sitting in the car with my mouth hanging open.

Jake looked like he was drooling over the cake as he and Charlie walked into the house and my dad tossed a glance back over his shoulder at the car just before they both disappeared inside. I crossed my arms over my chest and debated on getting out or staying where I was until someone noticed that I wasn't present at the dinner table. I knew the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, but this was ridiculous.

I was just closing the door of the car when I felt the heat of a thousand candles engulf me from behind as I was being swept off my feet. I tried to struggle and get free, but Jake was having nothing of the sort as he wrapped me completely in his arms and turned me around to face him.

"You didn't think I'd take the cake and not take you? Did you?" he asked, as he gave me the biggest grin ever.

"I was beginning to think that I wasn't even going to be missed. I mean, after all, you had the cake, the food, and the company, so what would you need me for?" I said, trying to decide if I was pouting or actually mad.

"I need you for lots of reasons. The first one being....." he said, as he tilted his head and bent down to give me a kiss and of course I let him.

And that was all it took for me, as he melted my worries away and made me feel wanted again. I smiled up at him when he pulled away.

"I've missed being here and I've missed you," I whispered.

"I know. But you're here now and I am starving so, let's go eat," he said, laughing as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him. "My dad and I made baked chicken, rice, salad, and baked potatoes with my dad's special seasoning on them."

"I didn't realize I was hungry to until you started talking about food," I said laughing too.

We went inside and Jake snuck one more kiss before we went into the kitchen where Billy and Charlie were putting things on the table and talking. I heard my dad telling Billy about his investigation and the look on Billy's face told me he too had his suspicions.

Jake and I sat down, and Billy and Charlie got situated at the table too. They passed the food around and before long we were all eating. The occasional joke was told, or a word said here and there, until we had finally finished eating.

"Okay. Who's ready for this cake that Bella brought? I almost thought about bypassing dinner and diving into it," Jake said, as he got up and started getting dessert plates.

Our dad's just laughed as they watched Jake slicing the cake and I got up to help him with passing out the pieces. When everyone was sufficiently stuffed, Jake and I started clearing the dishes away, while Billy and Charlie went to the small living room to catch up and watch the news together.

I had just started drawing the dish water, when Jake leaned over and asked me, "Did you bring the book?"

"Yes. I left it in the car. Jake, what's so important in the book? We've talked about everything. Don't I know all there is to know about the wolves now?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Come on. Let's leave these and I'll finish them later. I'll go get the book and you go to my room. I want to talk with you about something," Jake said, quietly and I could tell by the expression on his face that he was troubled by whatever he needed to share with me.

I walked slowly back to Jake's room and sat down on his bed. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was almost afraid to hear what he had to say.

When he finally came into the bedroom, he looked at me with a troubled expression as he sat down on the bed beside me.

"So, what else haven't you told me? I thought that there were no more secrets between us?" I said, running a trembling hand over my face then laying it in my lap where I rubbed my hands together as I waited for him to begin.

He reached over and took my hands in his and held them as he slowly met my gaze.

"Bella. I have never felt the way I feel about you for anyone else. These past few weeks have been so hard and I've wanted to be with you. You were always on my mind and not a day went by that I wished I could roll back the hands of time. I love you, Bella. Please believe me."

"Jake, I want to believe you but you're scaring me. I mean, how much more can there be? You and all of your friends turn into giant wolves and were created to kill _vampires_, of all things. It can't get anymore, _out there _than that. Can it?"

Jake's eyes dropped uncomfortably to our clasped hands, then he slowly forced himself to look back at me.

"There is a genetic trait amongst most of the wolves. A way for nature to preserve the wolf gene and insure that it is passed on from generation to generation. It's nature among us, among our kind, and it happens whether we want it to or not. It's called _imprinting._ It's natures way of bringing us to our perfect mate—our soul mate supposedly."

"I don't understand, Jake. You mean that your wife, or mate, or lover or whatever she's called is already.....already chosen for you?" I asked as my voice began to rise and my hands began to tremble.

What was he telling me? That he liked me and all but that I had to get over it because there was something better waiting on him out there?

"Bella, I have no control over this thing. If I had my choice, it would be you, it would always be you. And I'm not saying it's going to happen, but it might. And if it does....."

I started pulling my hands away from him, but he clung to me. When I stood up though, he let me go and looked at me with such a pained look in his eyes, but I had to think. I had to try and process what he was telling me.

After all that he and I had been through was he telling me that it was over? Was he telling me that what we had didn't mean anything? I didn't know what he meant and I was too upset to talk, so I just stared at him as the hot tears began to slip down my cheeks.

"Jake...I....." was all I could say.

"Bella. We can fight this. That's why I wanted to look at the book. I know there has to be something in here about it. There just has to be. Bella, let's look together. We can find the answer together," he pleaded.

But I couldn't stand the thought of losing him too. I had already lost him once and had just gotten him back. Why did he even bother working on things between us when he knew this all along?

I couldn't just stand there and listen. I had to get out of the room for a few minutes, so I bolted and ran down the hall and out the back door. I stumbled off the back porch and toward the privacy of the nearby trees still in the glow of the night light. I heard a twig snap, and felt warmth surrounding me.

"Hey. Come here. It's going to be okay. I'm here, Bella. I'm here," I heard a familiar voice say as I found myself in Quil's arms.

I fell apart there in his arms, just like I had before he became a wolf too. He was even bigger than the last time I saw him and his body heat was radiating all around me. I felt safe there, so he held me and ran his hand over my hair until I could get my breath and stop crying some.

"How.....did you....know I'd .... be here? So....you....knew too?" I managed to get out in between breaths and sobs.

"I told Jake he had to tell you or I would. He thought he was protecting you by keeping it from you, Bella. He told me he was going to tell you tonight and I wanted to be here for you. I didn't know until I phased and was able to connect with the others and I saw it in their thoughts. Sam is the only one so far that has imprinted."

"Why does being involved with you guys have to hurt so much?" I said, trying to wipe my eyes.

"I don't know, Bella. Who knew that this sort of thing happened or that werewolves and vampires even existed?" he said, trying to make me feel better.

"So what he basically told me is that he loves someone _out there _more than he could ever love me and that if he meets her he can't control himself?" I said, falling apart again.

"No, that's not what I said, Bella," Jake said, as he walked up behind me and I heard him growl at Quil, but I didn't raise up, I just buried myself deeper in Quil's arms where he held me even closer and turned me slightly away from Jake like he was protecting me.

"Back off Jake. This is hard enough for her," he warned, then his voice became softer, "Bella, there has to be a way around this for both of you," Quil said, still stroking my hair.

"For both of us? What......do.....you mean. I'm....I'm the one standing here waiting around for him to meet his soul mate and never look back at me?" I said, pulling back to look up at Quil who was looking at Jake.

"I didn't get to finish...." Jake said, and I looked over at him to see him rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the ground.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" I said, wiping my face on my sleeve as I looked from Quil over to Jake.

Jake walked closer and reached over to take my hand, but he didn't pull me away from Quil. I could tell that he didn't like me being this close to Quil because he was clenching his jaws, but I needed someone to hold me that _was _telling me the truth and not trying to keep things from me.

"It's a two-way street Bella. You're a female and there are male werewolves popping up everywhere. The same thing could happen to you. One of the wolves could look into your eyes and the two of you would be instantly joined by a bond that is hard to break," Jake said sadly.

"But, Bella would have a choice," Quil said, "she could reject the imprint and she'd be free."

"I'm so confused. And I don't want anyone, anyone but you Jake," I said, sobbing again.

"Bells, let me hold you, baby. Please?" Jake pleaded, as he gently tugged on my arm.

Quil loosened his grip and gave me the choice to go to Jake, but I didn't. I stayed where I was and Quil continued to hold me and try to console me. Jake let go of my hand and I heard him let out a long sigh, but it was several minutes before I could pull myself together.

When I finally stopped crying, I pulled away from Quil and went over the steps on the back porch. Quil joined me sitting on one side and Jake sat down on the other. I was trying to organize my thoughts and wrap my head around all of this mystical natural force crap.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes fighting with all my might to keep the tears held back, and said in a whisper, "I guess there's only one thing left for me to do then. I would never stand in the way of you being happy. I hope you find.....I hope you find her."

Then I jumped up and started running toward the front of the house. I heard what sounded like Jake hitting the porch and I heard what sounded like an animal growling and snarling behind me, then heavy footsteps followed, and before I could make it to the front yard, he grabbed me from behind and held me to his chest, his arms locked in front of me, as I tried to fight my way free, but when he buried his face in the curve of my neck and I felt him trembling, I stopped struggling and let him just hold me.

This was so unlike the Jake I knew and I could feel his inner turmoil and struggle. I understood and felt his pain, it was my pain too. But I saw no way around this mandate of nature. I had fought for him for so long, but now I felt like I couldn't win, even if I tried.

"I won't let you go. I can't let you go, Bell.....Bella. I want you and I always have. You are what matters to me most in this world. You and me is what matters. Please don't turn your back on me, on us. At least give me a chance to find a way around this," he whispered against my neck and I felt myself sinking deeper into his tight embrace. I didn't want to leave his arms but it hurt so much to think there was another girl or woman out there just waiting to take him away from me.

He loosed his grip some, but still wouldn't let go of me, so I turned around in his arms I saw him in the dim light. His eyes were closed, his brows furrowed, and the look of a broken man displayed upon his face. I sucked in a gulp of air and felt that lump rising again in my throat, as he bent down, and pressed his lips to mine.

It was soft and when his lips touched mine, I felt something new, that I'd never felt before. I felt the truth. I felt how much he loved me and how much he was willing to fight for us to be together.

My head swam as our kiss continued and became filled with necessity. It was like we were both fighting for air and the only way to get it was to deepen and lengthen our kiss. He made my skin burn with his touch and my stomach tingled with the waves of excitement as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me even closer to him, forming my body to his.

He slowly pulled away and it hurt to not be kissing him, but when my lips were free, I whispered, "I can't walk away from you. I'll fight this with you Jake. I promise. But you have to promise me one thing. If you find her and everything changes between us that you will tell me before you go to her."

"I can't promise that Bella. If I were to run into her some day, I would fight it with all my strength, my heart, my soul, and I would come to you because I won't go to her. Never."

"I don't think you can say that. If what you and Quil tell me is true, you won't be able to resist her. She will call to you in a way, a way that will make you not want to live without her."

"No, no, no, no.....I'll never...."

"Shh, don't say never because that word might haunt you some day. Let's just try to figure this out. You say there may be something in the book. So, that's where we start," I said, as I took his hand in mine and kissed it gently.

We started walking back to the house and went inside. I asked if I could wash my face, but Jake wouldn't even let me into the bathroom alone. He rubbed my back and held my hair while I washed my face, then handed me a towel when I was finished.

Then he took me to his room and closed the door, as he climbed up onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, pulling me down to sit between his legs and leaned me against him while we opened the book together.

As we read and scoured through the book it seemed like every reference to love would always point to imprinting, or as the old book called it, _the choice of nature_. But then we came to one story, toward the end of the book and I sat up as I began to read it aloud.

"There was a young warrior named Nashoba who had fallen in love before he had begun to change. It is said that he loved the young maiden, Amitola, with all his heart and that he had vowed he could not live without her, so he asked the Great Spirit to set his choice free and let it pass on to someone else because he did not need the help of nature, he had already found the woman to whom he was bound forever, body, mind, heart, and soul. The Great Spirit listened to his plea and told him that if he could prove himself worthy of such love, he would grant the request."

"And? What happened next?" Jake asked, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"It says that he was given a task by the Great Spirit, to offer himself to the maiden in a blood pledge, a mingling of their blood together, but if she refused, because it was painful, then he would have to go forth and accept his choice of nature. But if she agreed and their love was strong, then they would be bound together, never to be parted by the choice of nature."

"But what is this _blood pledge_? How does it work?" Jake asked eagerly.

"It doesn't say Jake. That appears to be the end of the story and the book."

I could feel Jake's hopes fading again, as were mine. The only clue as to what we could do to keep us together seemed to be at a dead end. Frustrated and confused, I tried to get up off the bed, but Jake still had his arms around me and seemed to be in deep thought, so as I struggled to get up, the book fell to the floor, breaking its spine.

When I finally got up and knelt down to pick up the book, I noticed that where the spine had cracked, there was a hairline opening between the hard cover of the book and the inner page that covered it and an old yellowed piece of paper was peeking out.

I started pulling the paper out, but just as I did my dad called for me to go home. I didn't tell Jake that there was something hidden in the book, so I closed it up and decided I would wait until I got home to pry it out. Maybe this was what we needed to break the choice of nature—to break imprinting for ever.

I kissed Jake goodnight and he walked to the front of the house. I thanked Billy on my way through the living room, and Jake held the door as we went outside.

"I'm sorry I hurt you tonight. I just wish this thing didn't exist. We should be able to choose who we love in this life and not have some force choosing it for us. And I do love you Bella. I hope you believe that," Jake said, stroking the side of my head with his hand.

"I do believe you Jake. And I love you too. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"I'd like to come spend the day with you, if that's okay? I'd probably be safer in Forks than around here," he said, looking down at the ground.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight," I whispered as my dad walked out.

Charlie thanked Jake and told him goodbye and we left to go back home. Neither Charlie nor I spoke on the way back, and I was glad that I didn't have to talk about anything. I had too much on my mind.


	18. I Swear To You

How mad are you all at me? I hope you will be somewhat forgiving and let me offer this update as a peace offering. You name it and it's pretty much happened for me over the past few months and something always kept getting in the way of an update. But I promise, and hope I'm able to keep it, that there will be updates to all of my stories coming out much more timely now. Thank you to everyone who has kept up with my stories and hasn't given up on them or me. And to all those of you who have asked for an update, it was those sweet messages that kept me going. You are all great!

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Chapter Eighteen

I Swear To You

The house was dark and felt so empty when we got home. After all that had happened earlier, I still felt confused and a little uncertain about what was happening with me and Jake. I lay across my bed while Charlie took a shower and let my finger trace the spine of the Quileute book as I rested my chin on my fist and thought over everything Jake had told me earlier.

It seemed so unfair to know that I had just gotten back into his world but that could all change with one look at another girl. Someone better than me and prettier than me, because she would be his _soul mate_. The thought hurt and it cut deep, but then I began to think about it from a different prospective.

Jake and I had something special. We had grown to love each other out of our friendship with each other and that in itself was special and something that he did not and possibly could not have with another girl. Then there was the fact that Jake had chosen me. He had actually decided on me before I would even let him in or give him a chance and he didn't give up. That says so much about how much he cared for me.

So I became determined. Even more determined than I had been while at Jake's that I would stand firm in my feelings for him and fight for him if necessary because he cared so much for me, not out of obligation or natural mandates, but because he wanted me. He wanted me, no one else.

I sat up on the edge of my bed and opened the book. I had forgotten about the page hidden inside the spine of the book, until then. Maybe Jake was right and it was the book held the key to keeping us together.

I slid my fingernail between the spine and the back cover of the book carefully prying the old yellowed page out and smoothed it against the front cover of the book as I closed it on my lap. It was a handwritten page and the writing was difficult to make out.

I moved closer to the light and began reading. It appeared to be written by one of the ancient members of the Quileute Tribe and I wondered if it had been written by the young warrior, Nashoba. As I read, I thought about the stories and legends, but soon they all became more focused in my mind intertwining together as they became more and more real.

_The nights were long and I could not sleep. My mind was tormented by the thought of losing Amitola or the thought of being forced to love someone other than her. But I was relieved when the Great Spirit offered us a way to join together and remain that way until death became the thief that stole us from one another._

_I watched and listened carefully as I was given a vision and instructions on how to bind ourselves to one another. We would meet under the next full moon and the others would gather round us, protecting us and shielding us from the outside world while we began the blood pledge._

_Amitola and I would kneel down facing each other and I would take the ceremonial knife of my ancestors, the one that had been used by my grandfather and his grandfather in many ceremonies. I was instructed that I must take her hand and cut it along the line of life then make a similar cut just above my left breast moving in the opposite direction. Once her hand was placed over my breast, the mark that we would make together would be like this __**X**_. _When the blood had spilled out and mingled upon my breast, drying in the night air, I would then take and wipe it off of both our bodies and burn the cloth on which the blood remained. _

_I was then to take the ashes from our blood fire and place them into two small clay vials that were to be worn around our necks as a reminder of the commitment we had made to each other. This would bind us, blood to blood, and the pull of the imprint would not plague us again. I would be casting it out of my life forever._

"The blood pledge. The forming of an X over his heart. Blood spilling out and mingling—burning—vial," I whispered into the stillness of my room, my heart pounding as I thought about Nashoba and Amiola's love.

It sounded so strange, so ritualistic and almost barbaric and ancient. Blood. I knew that spilled blood and the name Bella Swan did not go well together. I wondered if I could even bring myself to do such a thing.

Then I remembered how Jake made me feel. How long I had waited to hear from him and how much it had hurt being away from him. The minor pain, discomfort, and possible fainting in front of everyone would be worth it in the end. And I would know that once again he had chosen me above anyone else, above the one that nature had destined for him—his perfect soul mate.

But would I be satisfied knowing that I was not what the fates and forces of nature had planned for him? Could I live with myself knowing I had kept him from absolute, utter, bliss and happiness? It all seemed rather selfish to want him that much—to need him that much.

I also wondered if I would trace the scar that he had placed himself in the palm of my hand and feel guilty for keeping him from her. The woman, unknown for now, that could complete him mind, body, heart, and soul.

These were questions I could not answer right then. I was too tired and emotionally drained to think about them any further. So I got up from my bed and lay the book and paper down where I had been sitting. I needed to get a shower and get some sleep. The things that had just been revealed to me would have to wait until tomorrow. Then, maybe Jake and I would figure it all out together.

The water was hot as it trickled down my naked back and over my face. I wanted it to wash away the guilty feelings I was having and bathe myself in the hope that Jake and I had a chance at being together. I just didn't know if my wanting to be with him so much would be good for him or if it would eventually turn him away from me if the yearning were to surface to find her—his true mate.

Confused and exhausted, I made my way back to my bed. I carefully folded the old paper and lay it among the first two pages of the book, closing it and placing it carefully on my night stand. Then I pulled back the comforter and sheet, settling down in between them, pulling them up over me, and turning over to turn out my night light.

It was then that I caught a glimpse of my lone guardian, the wolf staring at me. My heart ached for Jake and I wished more than anything he could be there with me to hold me and tell me that everything would be all right, but he wasn't and I rested there in my bed alone in the dark closing my eyes waiting for sleep to take me.

I hadn't slept well and the pounding in my head was making me very agitated. I rolled over and covered my head with my pillow, but the banging got louder. I rose up and looked at my clock only to see that it was almost nine o'clock a.m. Then things began to come back to me in flashes.

Wolves. Mates. Nature. Book. Blood pledge. Heart. Jake. I sat straight up in the bed and remembered Jake had promised he would come up and spend the day with me. Then two and two started to dawn on me and I realized the pounding must be him knocking on the door.

I jumped up out of bed. I felt my heart racing as I ran downstairs and stumbled breathlessly to the door. I opened it, just as I heard Jake calling my name. There he stood, leaning against the door frame with the screen door to his back, arms crossed over his chest, with a cocky look on his face.

"I never knew you could be any more beautiful," he said, as he took a deep breath and smiled at me.

"What? I just got up. I didn't...I didn't know you'd be here so early or either I've overslept one and I'm a mess," I replied, trying to pull the tank top of my pajamas down and hide some very obvious points with my arms.

"Precisely. It's not often a guy gets to see his girl as she climbs right out of bed. Today must be my lucky day," he said, moving forward as he started coming into the house.

"No. No, you don't," I said, holding my hand up over my mouth. "I haven't even brushed yet. I'll be right back," I said, as I practically ran up the stairs.

I didn't even hear him follow me and had no clue that he was anywhere in the same proximity until I looked up, toothpaste dribbling down my chin, and saw him watching me in the mirror. I was getting embarrassed and flustered to say the least and my hair was getting in my toothpaste.

Jake, however, had a remedy for my problem. He wrapped one arm around my waist and took my hair in his other hand, holding it up out of the way, while I tried to finish as gracefully as possible. If I hadn't had my mouth full, I'm sure I would have given him a piece of my mind.

But that was out of the question and by the time I had rinsed and looked back up at him, I was glad I hadn't scolded him. He brushed my hair away from my face and turned me around so I was looking at him.

Without a word, he slid both of his hands up to my cheeks and held me as he tilted his head and brought his lips down to meet mine. For that brief moment, everything bad that had ever happened to us was gone and we were free from it all, if only it could remain like that.

I sighed as his lips moved away from mine and felt a little off balance. He must have noticed because his arms were quick to wrap around me, holding me in a way that felt more and more natural every time he did it.

"I couldn't get you off of my mind last night. I almost came up here to see you several times," he said, looking deep into my eyes.

"I wish you had. I had a hard time going to sleep," I confessed.

"What were you thinking about?" he inquired.

"Everything. It's all so much."

"Not really. I want to be with you. Period," he said.

"I know that's what you say, but..., um, you better let me get dressed," I said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I wanted to talk with him, but I also wanted to be dressed.

"Why? I happen to like this look and besides, there's even less between us," he teased, dipping a finger down the front of my tank top and brushing across my bare chest.

"I said out," I told him, pushing against him to move him out of the bathroom. I knew I could probably have this discussion a lot better if I was out of my pajamas.

"Bella, come on. Let's talk..." he protested, as he was scooted into the hallway.

"Shhh. We can finish this in the bedroom, when I get my clothes changed," I said, pushing past him in the hall and going to my bedroom to get my clothes.

"I get the picture. You just want me in your bedroom. I have no problem with that you know," he said, under his breath.

I tried to ignore him, but couldn't hold back the blush that I'm sure was very apparent as I grabbed a pair of shorts, a T-shirt, and my bra, then turned to go back to the bathroom so I could change.

"Make yourself at home and I'll be right back," I assured him, closing the door behind me to the bathroom.

It did feel good to have him there with me, but I didn't want to spend the day worrying about things, even though I knew I would. I also didn't know how to break the news of what I had learned from the old page hidden in the Quileute book.

I mean how do you say, 'will you slice your chest and my hand and burn our blood so that we can be together and I won't have to worry about anyone stealing you from me,' without it sounding completely morbid? That was the problem, you don't. And I didn't want to make Jake do something that he didn't want to do.

But, I didn't have to worry about how to tell him for long. When I went back to the bedroom, Jake was sitting on the edge of my bed, the book in his lap, and the old piece of paper was in his hands as he read what it said.

He looked up at me with a glint of hope in his eyes and if I didn't know better, I'd say he even seemed excited about what he had just learned.

"Where did you get this, Bella?"

"Last night when I dropped the book at your house, it broke the spine of the book and I didn't realize what was hidden in there until I got home. I...Jake, I would never ask you to..."

"Bells, honey, don't you know what this is? This is it. This is the answer we were looking for. It's so easy and this, this is something that we can do, something that we have control over. My dad was supposed to talk with Quil's grandfather to see if he knew of anything that could be done, but after you left, I didn't talk with him, I just went to bed. Maybe he knows more about this or maybe one of the other old ones does."

I was relieved that Jake knew, but now it was time for me to plead my case about what was best for him. I hoped, deep down, that it would be a losing argument, but for his sake, I had to try. So I sat down on my bed, turning sideways and crossing my legs, letting them rest against his outer thigh as I prepared my thoughts. He turned slightly to look at me.

"It does seem simple, maybe too easy. And I still have my doubts about it, after all it's just an old piece of paper in a book of legends and stories. But I know that is all we have to go on right now," is said, looking down at my sheet that was now being twisted around my finger nervously by my own hands. "What worries me most though is you. Jake, you're a great guy and you deserve the best in life. I meant what I said last night about wanting you to be happy. You deserve to be happy and how do I know that you wouldn't be happier if you...if you found her?"

"Don't," he said softly.

"Don't what?" I asked looking up at him as he lifted my face to meet his.

"Don't talk to me about something I don't want. I could be in a room with five hundred imprints, all mine, of varying ages, body shapes, hair and eye color, but there would only be one person I'd be thinking about and that would be you. Can't I just say 'I want you,' and that be enough?"

"But does that make me selfish and greedy? That I would want you to say that and want you to want me above any other girl or woman? Jake, do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked raising my voice a bit trying to get through to him. "This is about the person who was put on this earth to complete you and make you happy. I'm not that person or you would have...you would have imprinted on me."

That was putting it harshly and the moment I said the words a part of me wished that I hadn't, but at least now the cards were all on the table. He knew how I felt and it wasn't bottled up inside of me anymore. But that didn't make the tear that was quickly forming inside of my heart feel any better. I was afraid of his answer.

And it took him long enough to respond. He sat there looking at me, then at the cover of the book in his hands, then back at me. I think I had stopped breathing and he must have noticed because he gently blew into my face making me catch my breath, much like a mother does when she's trying to get her little one to take medicine.

"Bella Swan, be greedy with me. Be selfish and hoard me away, keeping me to yourself, because I swear to you that is all I've ever wanted and that is all I ever will want. I. Want. To. Be. Yours," he said each word slowly, pausing between each one.

He meant what he said, I could feel it and I could see it in his eyes. He'd never looked at me that way before, but I knew. I just knew and I believed him. He leaned into me and kissed me, lowering me back against my bed.

His hand reached around my waist and he pulled me possessively toward him so that there wasn't a space between us. When he pulled away, he stayed just inches from my lips and rested on one elbow letting his hand stroke my cheek and neck while he looked down at me, his eyes still burning with the same answer.

"Do you know what you do to me?" I breathed against his lips.

"No. Tell me, very slowly, what I do to you Bells. Give me every little detail and don't leave anything out," he said, in a husky voice. A tone that he had never used with me before and it made me shiver under him.

"I...I'm very hungry right now...and I can't concentrate when I'm hungry. Are you hungry, Jake?" I began to babble as my face filled with bright red coloring.

"I'm hungry too and you know that eventually...you're going to have to discuss this hunger of yours with me further?" he said, giving me a cocky little grin that melted my insides.

I knew that was my cue to try and escape this snare he had me in, before things got carried away, even if it was like giving up that last sweet piece of pie at the family reunion. Now that Jake and I had come to this understanding about where we stood, I knew that these quiet moments would soon become much more heated and the thought not only frightened me, but made me want to experience them even more.

"Um, let's go downstairs for a nice cold glass of orange juice and I'll make you some eggs and sausage," I suggested, knowing that he probably couldn't turn down a meal.

I started wiggling out from under his grasp and knew that he had let me go on purpose. Otherwise, I would still have been wedged up next to him. I immediately missed the warmth he offered as I stood up and walked toward the door.

Jake just stayed there with his head propped up on his elbow, watching me as I walked out of the room and went downstairs. I thought he might be thinking of how we would complete the blood pledge, but then it dawned on me that maybe I had caused a certain effect on him and he just needed a moment to calm down. The thought had me blushing again.

He came downstairs when he smelled the sausage I was cooking and leaned against the cabinet while watching me crack eggs into a bowl. I couldn't help but have a quick daydream of this being us someday, married and living in the world we had created for ourselves.

"Your juice is on the counter behind you," I said, looking in his direction.

He just smiled and turned to the side, taking the glass in his hand and beginning to drink from it. It amazed me that he still took my breath away, when I got to see him like this, unguarded and almost vulnerable.

We didn't talk much while I was making breakfast, I suppose we were both in a reflective mood. I had just sat down by Jake at the table, when there was a knock at the door. I excused myself and got up quickly going to see who was there.

When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Quil. He looked a little apprehensive. "Hey. I just wanted to come by and make sure you were okay," he said, as I motioned for him to come inside.

"It's good to see you. I'm sorry about everything that happened last night..." I said, but before I could say anything further, he had his arms around me giving me a hug.

But that soon ended when I heard the rumble coming from deep in Jake's chest as he walked over and slid his hand up my arm causing Quil to release me.

"I knew you were here. I just wanted to see if you acting the way you should be toward her," Quil said, shooting Jake a narrowed eye look.

Jake's hand quickly slid down my back and around my waist as he pulled me against his side. I just stood there silently, trying to figure out what was going on between the two of them, looking from one to the other.

"You know I am. And she wants me, no ifs, ands, or buts, and has even promised to be greedy with me," Jake said, loosening up some and giving me a sexy look that had me get lost in his eyes for a few moments.

"I...um...we were just eating. Quil, um, would you like to join us?" I asked trying to be hospitable.

"Jake?" he asked looking to him for approval.

"Sure. But you have to get your own plate. What she made for me is mine," he said, and clasped his hand on Quil's shoulder as we turned and went back into the kitchen. This told me that they were working through anything that might be going on between them.

I quickly made more food for Quil, while he and Jake sat at the table and began talking. The tone of the conversation was now much more serious and not nearly as dangerous sounding as Jake began telling Quil about the old piece of paper in the Quileute book.

"So, let me get this straight. You think you can undo the imprinting call by taking part in this blood pledge thing? How do you know it will work? Is there anything to tell what happened, or if they actually went through with the pledge?" he asked taking a drink of his juice.

For the next hour we all sat at the table eating and discussing the topic. Quil had a point when he brought up that nothing told whether or not the blood pledge was actually carried out or not and I kept trying to remember if any of the stories from the book had ever mentioned Nashoba and Amiola's fate. But right off hand, nothing came to mind.


End file.
